Nero Walker, Book 2 Ch.82 (114) (Patreon)

Through their various interactions, Vera had learned that Nero was a little odd. According to her husband, Nick, the world Nero came from was very different, full of incomprehensible conflicts and wars. Usually, she found his unique perspective both useful and refreshing. However, she couldn’t help but be frustrated at Nero’s adamant refusal to get married.

It made no sense.

While hearing his rant, she opened a link-connection to Nick and asked, “Why is he so against marriage? Does he prefer men? He does know that he doesn’t have to actually have sex with her, right?”

She felt Nick’s amusement over the link as he replied, “No, dear. Based on how he acted in the showers, I’m relatively sure he likes woman. I think there is some kind of cultural connotation to marriage that he is actively ignoring. I’m sure he knows what the word means, and what we mean by it, but he is incapable of admitting it. It also might be a religious thing, he’s been weird about religion before. Or it could be something else altogether. I think he once mentioned a ‘war of the sexes’. That might have something to do with it.”

Nodding in understanding, she let the meeting proceed as her thoughts raced. She needed to figure out what Nero wanted. If political power wasn’t his goal, what was?

Listening intently, she tried to interpret his ranting. Yet, no matter how much he talked, she couldn’t figure him out. Feeling helpless, she prodded him about what he actually was expecting to get out of this. His response left her speechless.

He said, “Once I figure out how to reduce my enemies to zero, then we can figure out what we can get. I was planning on letting you handle everything, but I didn’t know you’d try and marry me off to someone old enough to be my grandmother, or maybe older. I don’t know how old the city-lord is. Anyway, just think up what we can ask for. Concentrate on money and power. Money is always good, but power usually comes with responsibility. Be careful not to get me a job, because I assure you, I won’t do it.”

As far as she could tell, Nero wasn’t making any sense. He actually went through all this to get the most powerful people in Dorchester in a room, just so he could threaten them, all while he having no idea as to what he actually wanted. Was he really just making it up as he goes?

He wanted his enemies eliminated, but didn’t want them executed, because it ‘gave him the willies’. Worse yet, he wants money, but no responsibility. Does he not know that they usually go hand in hand?

Looking up at the pacing young man, she watched him try and intimidate the Blackwood heir into saving her own life. Glancing at the faces of the nobles, she realized they were all just as confused and annoyed at the situation as she was. She turned to look at Nick, and was her anger flared at seeing him trying not to laugh.

Realizing that she it might be best to work around Nero, she opened up a link-connection to the city-lord. While keeping her tone as serious as possible, she asked, “Do you have any objections to just paying Nero off?”

City-lord Cosgrave looked over at her with a curious expression, and replied, “Of course not.” Reading between the lines, she asked, “Is that really all he wants? He could shoot to the top of the ladder. Any governmental position in Dorchester could be his. He does know that he’s only a minor noble? Is marrying me that repugnant?”

Vera sighed, and replied, “Nicholas thinks it’s a cultural thing. I believe it might be best if we frame this issue in a way that he has no choice but to go along with it. Before we continue, let me bring in a few more people.”

She added a link-connection to General Branson along with Nick. While Nero continued to speak with the Blackwood heir, she used her their private connection to hold a side-meeting.

She asked, “So, we need to offer Lord Walker an alternative to marriage, otherwise I’m afraid we’re at an impasse. I think the other nobles are just waiting for an excuse to tear down House Cosgrave. Looking at them, it’s obvious they couldn’t care less about what happens to House Blackwood. All they really want is House Cosgrave gone, and an opportunity for one of their houses to take over. But I, for one, would prefer Dorchester to remain intact.”

The general said, “I don’t understand the problem. Why is he being so unreasonable?”

Nick’s amused voice rang out in their heads. “It’s not that he’s being unreasonable. You just don’t understand where he is coming from. I think you’re all over-thinking this. Just offer to pay him a lot of money, kill the misbehaving heirs so he doesn’t feel responsible for their deaths, then send him back into the wilds to return to what he’s good at. If you keep trying to treat him like a politician, he’s going to snap and start flinging spells everywhere.”

The city-lord’s concern was evident as she cautiously asked, “He wouldn’t really try and fight people who out-leveled him by 40 levels, would he? In the middle of the keep? Is he insane? We just redid the floors, do you have any idea how much Botarian marble costs!?!”

Chuckling, Nick replied, “He’s not insane. He just has a very different concept of what makes someone powerful. Everyone in this room could kill him in a straight up fight. That being said, 3 moderately strong hunters were defeated by him in the wilds just a few days ago after they wiped out the rest of his party in an ambush. To be honest, I don’t really know what he’s capable of. So, once again, I’d recommend just giving him money and sending him on his way. Don’t fight a battle on his terms. I’m not saying you’ll lose, but I guarantee you won’t win. And for what it’s worth, the floors are the beautiful.”

While Vera was amused and the city-lord was pensive, the general was livid. “Did you really just threaten us?” he growled.

Vera snorted and replied, “Calm down. My dear husband wasn’t being serious, he was just illustrating Nero’s pension for over-reaction. Yet, I get the feeling that if we really tried to marry him off, we’d be seeing exactly what the young man is capable of. Keeping that in mind, I agree with Nicholas. What are you willing to pay in order to have him forget about all of this?”

The city-lord quickly replied, “How about instead of the marriage, we just give him the standard price for a dowry? 5% of House Cosgrave’s profits, and a contract supporting the interests of House Walker for 5 years. That’s the standard dowry awarded to a house which provides a marriage candidate to a sitting city-lord. If he doesn’t want power, I’m not going to force it on him.”

Immediately, Vera countered, “5% for 5 years, and make the contract of intent for 10 years.”

The general interrupted, “And then he returns to the elites to complete his term? Do you think he’ll just forget about the military’s part in all this?” His tone was full of disbelief.

Nick replied with some humor, “Nero never blamed the military. He’s just using it as leverage. Despite appearances, I’m positive he’s embarrassed about not having read the sergeant’s warning. I’m telling you all. Just. Pay. Him. Then send him out to go kill things with magic. You’re really making this more complicated than it needs to be.”

The city-lord said with some reticence, “All right. I’ll agree to those terms.”

A chorus of “Agreed” rang out across the link.

Understanding that getting Nero on board would require some guile, Vera said, “In order for this to work, I think it’s best to let Nero ask for what you’re offering. I’ll get him to ask the question, you just have to make it sound as if you are compromising.”

Nick, who knew Nero best, added, “Don’t make a big deal out of it. When he asks what you’re willing to give, just state your terms. Vera accepts, then we can all move on. I promise you, as long as you pay him, he’ll be fine with it. He absolutely does not want the city-seat or any semblance of power.”

Despite their skepticism, the general and the city-lord agreed to the plan.

One of Vera’s strengths was multitasking. She had no trouble dealing with multiple conversations at the same time. So while she helped Nero with his fleecing of the Blackwood heir, she worked to ensure that House Walker’s victory would be complete.

Vera smiled at her brilliant maneuver, then sent a link-connection request to the arch-mage. She saw him glance at her with a curious look on his face as he accepted the link.

Vera’s tone was light. “Arch-mage Jennings, I believe I know how we can come to an agreement,” she said slyly.

Interested, he replied, “I’m listening.”

Her smile grew wide as she said, “Here is what I need you to do….”

-----

Nero had just returned from his luxurious shower, and had joined Nick and Vera at their dinner table. Plates of assorted foods were displayed as though they were having a feast, and Nero chuckled at Nick’s eating habits.

While Nero joined Nick in attempting to decimate the food supply, he listened to Vera describe what had happened.

Hearing Vera’s explanation of events, Nero couldn’t help but pout. In his mind, whether it was true or not, he didn’t mind being wrong, or having people do things for him, or being looked down on in general. But he absolutely loathed not knowing what was going on around him. It was embarrassing.

With his mouth half full of food, he asked, “So you went behind my back and negotiated a settlement without my input?”

Calmly sipping some wine, she nodded, then replied easily, “Yes. Yes, I did.”

Nero’s emotions were fluctuating between embarrassed, offended, and confused. Almost whining, he asked, “But, why? I wanted to put you in charge of the negotiations from the beginning. What was the point? Doesn’t going behind my back make me look weak or something?”

Nick chuckled as he merrily ate his meal, shoving large bites of mashed vegetables and meat into his face.

Vera gave Nick a disapproving scowl, then returned her attention to Nero. Gently, she tried to explain to Nero what he had missed.

“First, you’re too young and inexperienced to be considered weak in the political arena. If anything, the fact that you finally started to look foolish works in your favor. People had been -”

Sitting up straight, Nero harshly interrupted, “Foolish! Who said I was foolish? Is it because I didn’t want to marry that woman? Or is this still about that stupid mission packet… How was I supposed to know that was in there? This is bullshit!”

Vera held up a hand to silence him, and said, “Calm down and just listen for a minute.” Seeing Nero’s shoulders slump and his mouth snap shut, she continued, “Up until now, you’ve been doing things that from one point of view, looked very impressive. You accurately predicted a noble war, dealt with assassins while making tons of money, maneuvered your position from commoner all the way up to a new noble in less than a month. That kind of success breeds resentment, and caution. They worried that you were a political genius with substantial combat potential. Because of that, everyone miscalculated what you wanted.”

His mouth was full, but the confusion was evident on his face. Unable to speak clearly, he mumbled, “What did they think I wanted?”

Smiling, she said, “They thought you wanted the city. Everyone thought that you would use this opportunity to take over Dorchester.”

Nick held up a hand, and helpfully added, “Not me! I knew Nero wouldn’t want the responsibility.”

After tossing Nick a scowl, Nero returned to his conversation with Vera and asked, “Why the hell did they think I wanted the city? Wait, could I have gotten the city?”

Shaking her head, she replied, “No, probably not.” Then a curious thought occurred to her, and she added, “Perhaps if the arch-mage supported your claim. As the aggrieved party, House Walker could have bid to join the noble war for the vacant city-seat after House Cosgrave was removed. Depending on how it played out, it’s possible you could have taken over. With you as city-lord, the other council houses wouldn’t have to put up with a political enemy in charge of the city. In fact, that’s probably what would have happened if you refused to arbitrate. But that’s all conjecture. You could have just as easily taken power by agreeing to the marriage. When you started saying that you wouldn’t marry her, no one knew what to think. As the city-lord’s husband, you and her would share power. You should thank Nicholas for his efforts to diagnose your cultural issues.”

Nero snorted and said, “I don’t have ‘cultural issues’, you’re all just crazy.”

Nick redirected the conversation by asking, “Hey Nero, why do you have a problem with executions. You don’t seem to have a problem with killing people, so why were you so hesitant to kill the heirs? I posited a cultural issue, but was there some plan or something that I was missing?”

Nero looked at his friend with annoyance. “I don’t ‘kill’ people. I fight people who happen to die after I win. Execution is just… wrong… I guess,” he said lamely.

Nick and Vera exchanged a look, then Nick asked, “Ok. Why?”

Nero rolled his shoulders as if he were uncomfortable with the topic. “Do we really have to get into this? Does it matter? I don’t want to insult your beliefs,” he said with some hesitance.

Vera replied, “I think we should at least address some of your beliefs. I need to understand what you want if I’m going to effectively act as your proxy. A lot of your actions don’t make any sense to me. You didn’t have a problem having former Lord Blackwood executed, or killing the assassin, or the hunters, but you seemed uncomfortable having the heirs killed. Then there was the fact that you seem perfectly fine with harems, but don’t want to be in one. According to Nick, you are uncomfortable being around naked women, but are fine physically fighting them. I just want to understand how you think.”

Setting down his silverware, Nero leaned back in his chair and wiped his mouth with his napkin. Taking several deep breaths, he resigned himself to some straight talk.

Looking at the two people in this world he was closest to, he said, “Since I’ve come here, I’ve tried to come to terms with the fact that this world has its own way of doing things. But, you have to understand, I don’t think like you guys. There are things that have moral implications that you all just seem to ignore.

“Like executing people. I get that bad people should be executed for the good of society. But I was taught that killing people is wrong. That is unless you kill them while they are trying to kill you, in that case it’s celebrated. But if they are still alive after the fight, then you’re supposed to put them in jail. And if they are just kids, then you’re supposed to send them to a rehabilitation center, so they can learn to be no longer be assholes. Then, when they grow up, and still act like assholes, you don’t have to feel bad about sending them to jail. Those two heirs may be close to 20 years old, but they seemed like kids to me. It just felt weird to think that someone would just chop off their heads or something. A good portion of people back in my old world thought capital punishment of any kind was immoral.”

Vera and Nick were paying close attention to what he was saying, and patiently waited for him to continue.

Seeing that they weren’t going to respond, he said, “Look, I don’t know what to tell you. A lot of things I have in my head are contradictory. Woman should be treated equal to men, so fighting them is OK. But, it’s a man’s duty to protect women, so it’s rude to stare at them, or let other people stare at them. And they should be treated with respect. In actuality, woman need to be treated better than men, otherwise how will they know they’re being respected. Also, nudity is generally associated with sex, and seeing a woman naked is a violation of their person. However, woman are hot, so if I do look, I’m supposed to appreciate them while trying to not look. Otherwise, they would feel unattractive, which is also rude. So, you have to treat them well, but not too well, and find them attractive while not objectifying them.”

Nick and Vera shared confused looks. Apparently the complicated sexual dynamics of Nero’s old world was a little too much for them.

Ignoring them, Nero continued his explanation of his world-view. “Then you have the harem issue. Marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman, or at least only between two people, depending on who you’re talking to. Some people are OK with two people of the same sex being married, but not everyone is alright with that. But that’s a separate issue,” he said, then waved away that topic.

Returning to his point, he said, “But marriage is supposed to be about the love between two people, everyone agrees on that. So having a harem is usually bad, despite the fact that every man wants one… in theory. Every guy knows that dealing with one woman is usually more than he can handle on a daily basis, so that is more of a theoretical fantasy than anything else. But being part of someone elses harem would be seen as a bad thing, because then that person owns you. Or at least that’s what a harem usually means. That is, unless you are talking about polygamous relationships. Like ‘swinging’ and sex clubs. The only way to have multiple partners in a ‘moral’ way is if you marry them all, like Mormons. Though, that is frowned upon by most people, I think. But that gets into religion… let’s not talk about that.”

Nero had been watching his friends faces, and he could see that they were becoming more and more confused the longer he spoke. It was uncomfortable, because he was trying to explain multiple points of view that he didn’t necessarily agree with.

Huffing in exhaustion, he said, “I guess what it comes down to is, I don’t really have strong beliefs on anything. I just don’t want to offend anybody.”

Vera and Nick shared equally confused expressions. Nick asked hesitantly, “Who do you think you’re going to offend?”

Nero took a minute to think through what Nick just said. The man was right. There were no groups here that could cancel him for opening a door for female, or not opening her door. No one would care if he didn’t express outrage at the thought of criminals being executed. There was no political action committee that would stand in the way of him having a harem. ‘Huh, I have no idea how to feel about that,’ he thought to himself.

Vera and Nick waited patiently for Nero to work through his thoughts. They could tell that the young man was having trouble accepting the fact that the culture here was very different than the one he had left.

After a while, Nick voice interrupted Nero’s thoughts. His tone was full of support as he said, “As long as you follow the laws here, you can feel free to let go of whatever cultural values you think are illogical. In the long run, it might be good for you to look at how our laws were decided. Everything in Oglivarch has been rigorously logic-tested and it’s worked for thousands of years.”

Absently nodding, Nero replied, “Sure, but as my childhood Sunday school teacher used to say, ‘Just because your are correct, doesn’t mean you’re right’. I think I’ll just continue to feel however I want, and judge you all for the immoral crap that you do. That way I can do it too, while still feeling justified in my moral superiority.”

Vera and Nick exchanged shocked, and offended looks, then immediately burst into laughter. Patting Nero on the back, Nick said, “That’s fine with us. Now let’s get some sleep, we’re heading back into the wilds tomorrow.”

Nero’s eyes widened as he replied, “Seriously? We’re not even going to take a few days to decompress? This is what I’m talking about… You’re all savages.”

Vera stood up, gently placing her napkin on the table. With a gentle smile she said, “Yes we are Lord Walker. It might be a good idea to remember that when you open that mouth of yours.” Turning away, she walked off after having the last word.

Nero turned to Nick, with worry in his voice, he asked, “You don’t think she took the whole ‘savages’ thing personally do you?”

Waving his hand lazily, Nick replied, “Nah, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t going to make you pay for saying it. Here, have the last of this desert… it’s really good.”

Nero shrugged, deciding not to worry about Vera’s eminent reprisal, and dug into what looked like some kind of blue pie. This was going to be the last time he had anything good to eat for a while, and it wasn’t worth ruining his meal over.