Compromise - Chapter 24 (Patreon)

Lizzie could hardly believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. She could tell herself that it was only to make Heather happy, after an experience that was surely nearly as nerve-wracking for her as it had been for Lizzie, but whether that was entirely true or not, she couldn't say with any certainty. She could also pretend it was solely for the job, that Heather was right, and they needed to have at least one or two of them on hand to really sell the idea of Heather as Lizzie's Mommy; that was true, too, to a degree, and yet, it didn't feel like the whole story, either. 

If there was more to it than all that, if she wasn't just doing it because she had to... What did that mean? Was there are part of her that wanted to be a baby, deep down? Again, she might pretend that it was for Heather's sake - and she had seemed happy, going on this shopping trip, teasing her, dressing her up - but it was impossible to tell for sure if that was all there was to it at the moment, with her feelings all jumbled up from that encounter with the other Amazon.

For now, however, as insane as it sounded in her mind, and as many times as she'd promised herself she'd never wind up in this situation, she took a look around at the endless variety of diapers, and began to contemplate which ones she was going to be wearing. Her head spun, the sleeper suddenly warm as it clung to her, making her sweat, her soggy Pull-Ups clammy and squishy between her legs, knowing she had nobody to blame for all this but herself.

"Overwhelming, isn't it?" Heather asked quietly, after watching Lizzie standing there, sucking her pacifier blankly for a few moments. "I always feel this way, too... It's part of why I have my little collection. A lot of those are things my Mommy friends gave me, and recommended, so I know a bit about them, which gives me somewhere to start. Otherwise..." She looked around the aisle with a wistful shrug. "How would anyone even know where to start?"

"I-I mean," Lizzie stammered, "I-I'm not going to wear them, so..."

She said it more quietly this time, almost without meaning to, as if her voice was afraid the other Amazon was still lurking around, waiting to hear them slip up. It didn't even have to be her specifically... Any nosy Amazon could overhear and get suspicious. No wonder Heather had been practicing staying in character... It might not matter so much here, most of the time, but the smallest slip-up could alert the people at her office, and put an end to the very job they were doing all this for.

"No, Lizzie," Heather smiled patiently. "You don't have to. But we want to get the right ones, in case you need to."

Heather left that open-ended, whether she meant if things went south during their undercover work, or if Lizzie hit her third strike on any particular day... Probably, it was both, to be honest. Lizzie wasn't a fan of either... Yet, at the same time, she was curious about each of them. Would she still be able to concentrate on her work if she had to do it in a full-on diaper? And would she really go through with it and put herself in a diaper at home? 

That was her safe space, one place where she didn't have to worry about all that, about staying on guard from people who wanted to turn her into a baby... It almost felt like a violation, willingly deciding to diaper herself there. It could also be somewhere that was safe for her to explore it, however, knowing nobody would know except for Heather. And if she ever earned her way to diapers, it would be because she was intentionally trying to.

"I-I guess you're right," she admitted.

"Of course I am," Heather chuckled. "Now, then... Is there anything you have in mind? Any colors you'd like, or designs? Somewhere to start?"

"Umm..." Lizzie blushed, squirming. There was, as embarrassing as it was to admit... One thing came to her mind instantly now, whenever she thought about diapers, and the outfit waiting for her in their shopping cart only amplified that. Pale lavender, like the one that she'd seen Mia wearing... That she, herself, had worn to get out of the movie theater safely.

She still felt a bit guilty, having to use the diaper Heather had wanted to add to her collection... She'd thought about buying some to make up for that, but had never worked up the courage. Obviously, that wasn't something she was going to do in person... A little, on her own, buying diapers, was always going to catch peoples' attention, especially if they weren't already clearly wearing a diaper under their clothes... Even if she made it out of the store, diaper packages were so big, they were hard to hide, and she'd have to make it all the way back to her apartment without anyone spotting what she was carrying...

Even ordering online had felt too scary. You could request discrete packaging, but what if whoever was shipping it didn't honor that request? What if they 'forgot' or got mixed up or whatever? Even if they didn't, the package would still be large, and anyone who saw it might still guess what was in it when they saw her carrying it from the mailroom up to her apartment...

They definitely had them here. If she asked Heather for them, she'd definitely get them... She'd probably also think it was an endorsement of them, that Lizzie had loved wearing them, when she had. They were one of the very few brands the girl had tried in person, after all... And, while they hadn't been as bad as she'd feared, Lizzie wouldn't say they'd been so wonderful that she had to try them again. It was more the thought of them, the connection between them and Mia...

It was strange, how much she found herself thinking of Mia. She'd met her once, and essentially only in passing. She felt such a connection to her, however, in a weird way, despite knowing next to nothing about her. She'd seemed so content, though, so unbothered by being in public dressed like a toddler, and pooping her pants there, apparently without a care in the world...

She was, in a twisted way, a role model for Lizzie. She didn't want to become that - or she didn't think she did, anyway, not fully - but if she had a bit of that same attitude, she knew it would make Elizabeth happy. And she might not hate it herself, either, if she had just a touch of it, if she wasn't constantly in her own head about how she should be more mature, how she had to show the world how grown-up she was so nobody would think she belonged in diapers... Was the way to do that by choosing to wear diapers, rather than being forced into them? That didn't seem right... And yet, she couldn't rule it out.

But she couldn't ask Heather for them. Did Heather know how much she thought about Mia, how much she worried about turning into her - and, perhaps, how much a part of her wanted to try doing exactly that, just to see what it was like? Was that why she'd picked out the shortall outfit? If Lizzie mentioned the lavender diapers, she definitely would... 

More than that, the diapers didn't fit her own requirements for what she was looking for. Their tapes were little-proof, so she wouldn't be able to get them off of herself if she did use them at home... That might make them too similar to the ones the other Amazon had recommended as well, and she didn't want to bring those up.

"Maybe..." she spoke up at last, knowing she couldn't make them stand here all night, lest they have another encounter like the one they'd just escaped. "Maybe purple?"

That was safer... She wasn't necessarily referencing Mia's diapers... They were a shade of purple, but such a specific one that perhaps going more generic would keep Heather from making the connection...

No. She shook her head, cheeks warming up. Heather had always been honest with her, had just put herself on the line to protect her... Even if it was in a harmless way, she didn't want to lie to her, to pretend. "A-Actually," she admitted, "I was thinking about that diaper we got from..."

"From Mia?" Heather interrupted, smiling gently when she saw Lizzie's look of surprise. "They were cute, weren't they, kitten?"

"Y-Yeah," Lizzie nodded slowly. "I-I mean, I don't think we should get those exactly, but..."

"Are you sure?" Heather asked. 

Lizzie sucked harder on her pacifier, face burning as Heather stared at her. She knew what she wanted to say, what would be the least embarrassing thing to admit to... But she also knew the truth, however hard it was to say out loud. "N-No," she spoke up after a moment. 

Heather's eyes twinkled. "Interesting... Because I think I just so happened to spot them over here..."

"Y-You did?!" Lizzie hadn't, and she'd certainly had her eyes open for them... She toddled after Heather, seeing why she hadn't seen them for herself when Heather plucked them off of a high shelf, far above Lizzie's usual eyeline.

"I think so," Heather said, kneeling down. "These are them, aren't they?"

A shiver ran up Lizzie's spine as she looked at the package, as she saw the pictures on the side, the little models running around happily, showing flashes of their diapers... Of diapers that were burned into Lizzie's mind from the glimpses she'd gotten at the restaurant, and from wearing one herself... There was no doubt in her mind that these were the same.

"Y-Yeah," she gulped. "Y-Yeah, they are..."

Was this really going to happen?! A whole package of them... And she was going to have that outfit, too... Heather might keep it at her place, but whenever she was over there, she could put it on anytime, along with this diaper, and become Mia... Become that carefree girl who didn't give a second thought to being a baby no matter where she was... 

"Are these what you want?" Heather asked. 

"I-I don't want them!" Lizzie was quick to blurt out, not wanting to look too eager... But, again, she didn't want to lie to Heather, either, didn't want to keep any secrets from her. "I-I mean... Th-They weren't too bad..."

"They weren't, huh?" Heather smiled, rubbing Lizzie's back. "Did you like them, sweetie?"

"I-I don't know if I'd say that," Lizzie blushed. "I-I wouldn't mind trying them again..."

Heather's smile widened, her whole face lighting up in a way that made Lizzie feel warm and fuzzy inside, happy she'd told the truth, as embarrassing as it had been. "I-I don't know if they're what we should get now, though," she had to follow it up, unfortunately.

Heather's brow furrowed. "Why not?"

"W-Well, we've tried them already," Lizzie said, "a-and there are others that might be even better... A-And if I take some home, I won't be able to change myself, so they won't be any good for that..." But that wasn't the full story, was it? "A-And..."

"And what?" Heather tilted her head curiously.

"A-And... I-If anything happens, and I do have to wear them on the job... I-I'm worried I'll be too distracted to concentrate on what I have to do."

"In these diapers, and your shortalls, you'd look just like little Mia, wouldn't you?" Heather asked, confirming that she did, indeed, know what was up. "Well, not exactly... You'd be even cuter!"

Lizzie's face turned pinked again at the compliment, not sure that was true, although, coming from Heather, it did sound that way. "I just... I think that would be too much for me there."

That was a dangerous thing to say... It was like she was giving Heather exact instructions to regress her, to melt away her remaining resistances... She didn't know herself if that was what would happen, though, judging by how she'd felt simply wearing the shortalls, she had little doubt that was how it would go. And Heather was more than big and strong enough to dress her up that way anytime she wanted, to force her into that state...

But if there was anybody she trusted with that knowledge, it was Heather. "Do you want to get a different outfit?" Heather sounded a bit sad, yet she asked it nevertheless, and Lizzie was certain she would follow through on it if that was what Lizzie asked.

"No," she shook her head. "I just don't think I should wear these diapers with it while I'm on the job..." The shortalls on their own might help, might be what she needed to more easily pretend she was a typical little - or what the people at Heather's office would expect from a typical little - but them matched with the lavender diapers would be a slippery slope...

"Okay," Heather nodded. "Do you want me to get them anyway, for the nursery?"

Lizzie began to nurse her paci again, blushing deeply. After what she'd just confessed, they both knew they could be a shortcut into her baby state, whatever form that might take... Why wouldn't Heather want that, when that was what she wanted from Lizzie, and Lizzie struggled with it so much otherwise? Telling her no felt like a betrayal...

But she knew she had to do it. "N-Not yet," she said quietly. "M-Maybe someday..."

"It's all right," Heather told her. "We don't have to get them."

"Some day," Lizzie repeated, hating to see the hint of disappointment on the larger woman's face. "This is all just... a lot."

Heather smiled. "It has been a big night, huh? And we know where these are." She set the package back on the shelf. "We can come back and get them any time."

"Y-Yeah," Lizzie agreed.

"So," Heather said. "Purple, huh?"

"We don't hafta get purple," Lizzie told her. "They might be too close, now that I think about it..."

"Well, that just puts us back at square one!" Heather chuckled. "What else do you want?"

Lizzie stood there for a few seconds, contemplating, before the answer finally hit her, making her feel stupid as soon as it did. The answer was obvious! "Kittens!" she squealed. "I want my kittens!"

Of course! What else should she wear? They were what had earned her Heather's nickname for her, after all... And she'd picked them back then because they didn't have little-proof tapes. And the ones she brought home with her, to wear for when - or if - she got three strikes with her Pull-Ups would be a constant reminder of how she was Mommy's little kitten...

"Are you sure?" Heather asked. "They're awfully thick..."

"I know!" Lizzie rolled her eyes. She was the one who had worn them... She knew that better than anyone! Or better than Heather, at least. There were probably other people who had worn them more often than her... At least for now. 

From what she remembered, looking at the options Heather had given her that day, all of the diapers without little-proof tapes were extra thick, and had especially babyish designs. It was, she suspected, a way to punish littles who recognized that they needed diapers, but refused to admit that they needed someone bigger to take care of them... Or perhaps it was to make those diapers stand out more, make them more obvious so the people wearing them would be easier to spot.

Either way, she had no doubt there was a nefarious reason that all the diapers littles could get into - and, more importantly, out of - on their own looked so utterly infantile. She wasn't going to be going anywhere in them, though... By the time she reached three strikes, it would surely be late enough in the day that she could stay in her apartment on her own... Especially because she'd have to choose to have those three 'accidents', so she could control when it happened, if it happened...

Otherwise, she'd only be wearing them around Heather, and there was something special about these diapers. They were the first ones she had specifically chosen to wear, after all... And, since she had picked them, while they did make her feel small and babyish, they didn't have quite the same mental connotations that the lavender ones did. She could still feel like she was in control, whereas, with the others, and how they made her feel like Mia, she wasn't sure she would.

"Please, Mommy?" she looked up at Heather with her eyes wide, clasping her hands together. "Can I have my kittens?"

This was so ridiculous, standing there in her footed sleeper and pacifier, literally begging Heather to buy her diapers... Big, bulky, pink diapers, printed with such a childish design... She didn't have to do it, though; Heather had already left this decision in her hands. This would show Heather that she meant it, that she was certain about her choice... And there was nothing wrong with a little silliness, after the tension of narrowly escaping the other Amazon.

"Of course, baby," Heather kissed her on the forehead. "Whatever you want. Let's see if we can find them."

She took Lizzie by the hand, leading her down the aisle, Lizzie sneaking a peek up at her face and feeling proud when she saw how happy Heather looked, whether that was because she was happy Lizzie wasn't just trying to find the thinnest, plainest diaper she could get away with, or because she knew that the girl was choosing them because of the special connection they had to their relationship, to the nickname. Probably, it was a mix of the two, Lizzie decided.

"Look, Mommy!" she squealed, hopping up and down as she spotted them. "There they are!"

Like the discrete trainers, they were kept up on a high shelf, to force littles to ask for help to get them, as Lizzie suspected all the diapers without little-proof tapes were. That didn't matter to her now, however... She had all the help she could want.

"Good job!" Heather praised her, grabbing a pack. "Yep, here they are! Now, sweetie, are you really sure about this? This is a whole package of them, all for you... That's a lot of kittens to get through..."

"I'm sure, Mommy!" Lizzie insisted, opening her arms, taking the package, willing to prove it by carrying them back to the cart herself. Of course, anyone who saw them would have known they were for her anyway, even if Heather had them, but it felt like a whole other level of ownership, doing it herself, guaranteeing that anyone who did catch a glimpse of her would see her with the diapers, proudly toddling beside her Mommy...

No, that wasn't quite right, was it. They wouldn't see her with 'the' diapers... They'd see her with 'her' diapers. Because, as Mommy had pointed out, they really were all for her, and, as much as that thought should have horrified her, made her second guess this... Instead, in the moment, anyway, it just made her curious, and, almost despite herself, a little excited.