A Little Rest - Chapter 9 (Patreon)

Lizzie was pretty used to visiting doctors, and, while the circumstances were definitely different here than they would have been back home, there was something almost comforting about all this, weirdly. It was familiar, at the very least, as long as she ignored the increasingly soggy diaper she was wearing... And some of the questions.

"Does it make you sad," Dr. Rosenwald asked gently, peering down at her, "that none of the families that have visited you have adopted you?"

"No," Lizzie answered automatically, maybe a little too quickly. "I-I mean, I don't need to be adopted, I'm an adult, so I can take care of myself, and..." She blushed, following the doctor's gaze to her diaper. "I-I can!" she insisted.

"Be that as it may," Dr. Rosenwald told her, obviously unconvinced, but not wanting to argue with the girl, or make her feel upset, "if you're going to leave this place, that's the way it's going to happen."

Lizzie sighed, swinging her feet. "I know," she admitted. She'd heard stories, since spending time here, of people who tried to escape... None of them ended well. There had to be some way to do it, to get away scot free, and she suspected someone had done it in the past, and the Amazons running this place had told the other residents they'd been adopted or something, to keep them from doing the same... She had no clue what it was, however, and, whether she wanted to or not, she wasn't going to be the one to find it, or take advantage of it.

She'd settled into a routine, with the help of Ms. Hudson and Mrs. Borges, that helped her manage her condition - probably better than she ever had back home, if she was honest, thanks to not having to worry about a job, or money, or anything, really - but that didn't mean she had the energy to burn for a breakout. She had her own room, up on the top floor, about as far from any exits as she could get... And who knew how far she'd have to go once she got out of the building to make sure she was actually safe?

The strange part of it all was how at peace she was with that idea. It wasn't that she thought she belonged here, or that she needed to be treated like a baby, but it wasn't all that bad... Ms. Hudson wasn't going to let anything happen to her here, and she always vetted the people who came in to see Lizzie, checked to see if they were good enough for her... That was likely the reason none of them had been able to move forward with the adoption.

"Do you want to leave?" the doctor asked, quietly interrupting her thoughts. "I know that, sometimes, with cases like yours, from outside... sources... it can be scary to think about going out into the world. That's why everyone here is working so hard to find you just the right Mommy or Daddy."

"You know I'm not from here!" Lizzie leapt onto that, eyes widening. Of course... It was on her charts, probably. Penny believed her, but she'd believe most anything anyone told her... Most people she tried to tell were more like Gwen, assuming her imagination was running wild. It was odd to have someone more discerning than her friend acknowledge the truth. "Can't I go back there? I-I mean, if you can't place me anywhere, I'd be out of your hair, and..."

"No, Lizzie," Dr. Rosenwald cut her off. "It's a one-way trip, you know that. Besides, do you really want to go back?"

Lizzie rolled her eyes, snapped, "Yes!", then squirmed in place as the doctor let her sit in that for a moment in silence, soaking it in. "I-I mean... I-I think so..." she amended. She didn't have to wear diapers there, wasn't treated like a baby... And she had an apartment, a job, a family, even if they were far enough away she rarely got the chance to see them... It should have been an easy question, and she'd answered it that way, the way she knew she should... However, if she was being honest with herself, she wasn't sure.

If she'd had the option right away, she definitely would have taken it. Now, after a couple weeks, when she had Ms. Hudson, and Penny, and most of the other kids in her class were being nice to her, and school was so much easier than her job, and less stressful... There were the cribs, of course, and the high chairs, and especially the diapers... If she were to go home now, though, she didn't think her bladder control was going to magically restore itself. She'd probably be in diapers there, too, for a little while, at least, and surrounded by people who wouldn't understand. 

Here, she was expected to use her diapers, encouraged... There, if anyone found out, they'd make fun of her. And who knew how long it would take her to get back out of them? Potty training, by all accounts, was difficult... Perhaps it would be easier with an adult than a toddler, but she'd be doing it on her own, which would probably be harder, and more taxing, which might set off her condition...

"I-I'm not s'posed to be here," she mumbled to the doctor, despite knowing the woman was already aware - it was just as much to herself. "I-I don't belong in diapers..."

"Maybe that's part of your problem, Lizzie," Dr. Rosenwald suggested, leaning forward, giving Lizzie's diaper a pat. "I just changed you before we started talking, and you're already so wet, aren't you?"

Lizzie blushed and squirmed, then stared down at her kicking feet when she realized it wasn't rhetorical. "Y-Yes, ma'am," she nodded, seeing no point in lying when the check was already over.

She gasped in surprise as the doctor stood up, plucking her off the chair and turning her around, tugging out the back of her diaper. "You're still clean, though," she observed. "And you told me you needed to go before we began."

"Uh-huh!" Lizzie agreed, spinning around, staring up at her. "See? I don't really need diapers!"

Dr. Rosenwald shook her head. "That's not what I was saying, dear. I think this would all be much easier for you if you'd fully accept that you do, indeed, need them, because..." She knelt down, looking the embarrassed girl in the eyes, "you do, Lizzie. They're what's best for you. Do you understand?"

Lizzie's face heated up, her wet diaper and tiny size making her feel every inch a toddler in comparison to the doctor. She wished she was still sitting, not only because she would have been spared the humiliating check, but also because she was taller on the chair... Which was, she suspected, why the other woman had done this. She wanted Lizzie to feel tiny, and vulnerable, and have to look up at her as the big, mature grown-up she was. 

And it was working. "Y-Yes, ma'am," she nodded.

"See?" the doctor smiled. "You're so close, sweetie... This is just the last little bump you have to get over. Your changing charts tell me you aren't going as regularly as you should be, so I'm sure you've been holding it a lot, haven't you?"

This was a trap; Lizzie was positive of that. However, it was one she was already had, had been walking towards, blissfully unaware, since arriving in this place. She had no idea if they were actually keeping track of her diaper changes, or the state of her diaper when they did get her a new one, but if they were, she didn't want to get caught in a lie now. "Y-Yes, ma'am," she repeated once more.

"I thought so," Dr. Rosenwald replied. "Now, I could prescribe drugs that would help take care of that, or put instructions on your file, ensuring that, if you don't use your diaper often enough, they will... encourage... you."

Lizzie shivered, not liking the sound of that, not sure she wanted to know the answer, but asking anyway, "E-Encourage me?"

"That's right," the doctor said, stepping away, opening a drawer and pulling out a red, rubber hot water bottle. She stepped over to the sink, turning one of the knobs, letting the water run for a moment before testing it, then sticking the bag underneath after squirting a few things into it.

"E-Encourage me how?" Lizzie frowned, inching closer, brow furrowed, wondering why the woman was doing this now. Had she strained something? Lizzie felt bad, making this so difficult for her if she was in pain...

Until she saw the doctor reach into the drawer again, this time removing a white hose, with a nozzle on one end. Suddenly, it hit Lizzie, her ignorance making her feel ridiculous for assuming it could be anything else. This was an enema. This was the 'encouragement' Dr. Rosenwald was talking about... What was lying in wait for her if she didn't use her diapers enough.

She whimpered, squirmed, the bottle suddenly looking awfully full and fat, knowing it was meant to go into her tummy. Was she even going to be able to hold all that?! "I-I'm sorry!" she squealed, watching the woman screw the hose into place, checking that the clamp was secure, then flip it over, the girl's stomach turning with it, another dribble of wetness escaping into her pants at the sloshing sound. "I-I'll do better!"

"I should hope so," the woman nodded. "But I think we need to begin treatment immediately." She hung the bag from an IV stand, plucked Lizzie off her feet, carried her back to the exam table.

"No, we don't!" Lizzie shook her head.

"Lizzie," Dr. Rosenwald told her sternly, "you are not leaving this appointment until you've messed your diaper. I'd be happy for you to do it on your own, but you've had more than enough time to do that, and you didn't. Are you going to do it now?"

Lizzie whined, stomping her feet helplessly on the exam table, listening to the paper cover crackle beneath her. She didn't want to do this, not here, in front of the doctor! She'd wound up pooping herself in front of plenty of people, although, if she had her preference, she'd go off to a quiet corner of the classroom, or the playroom, or wait until she was in her room, alone, if she knew someone was coming to check on her before too long... But, looking over at the enema bag, knowing that was the alternative...

"I'll give you one minute," the doctor said, glancing up at the clock hanging on the wall. 

A minute?! That wasn't long enough for her to psyche herself up! Lizzie shook her head, opening her mouth to protest, only to be prematurely cut off with a, "Starting... now!"

The girl squeaked, thoughts racing through her mind at a million miles an hour. What was she going to do?! She did need to go, but she'd been expecting, planning, on waiting a little longer, at least... Was she going to be able to just perform on command, fill her diaper when she was told, with no hesitation, no second guessing? It didn't sound like she was going to get to use a toilet, like she was going to be going in her pants either way, so she could save herself some trouble, and discomfort, and humiliation, if she did... That was so mortifying in and of itself, however! Was it worth it?!

"Looks like you made your decision," Dr. Rosenwald shrugged, giving the girl's diaper a pat before reaching for the tapes.

"No, I haven't!" Lizzie shrieked. "That wasn't a minute! That's not fair!"

"Are you suggesting I don't know how to read a clock, Lizzie?" the doctor arched an eyebrow.

"N-No," Lizzie blushed, shook her head, wincing at the sound of her diaper's tapes being pulled open. The other woman was a doctor... She'd gone to school so much longer than Lizzie, was probably much smarter than her... Of course she knew how to tell time.

Lizzie swallowed, shivering as her crotch was wiped clean, a new diaper, the one that would have been her second had she not talked Dr. Rosenwald out of it, slid beneath her. It looked like she was going to be wearing it after all... And more.

"I don't want to hear anything out of you," the doctor ordered as she picked up another. "I don't want you leaking all over my floor."

"Th-Then don't give me an enema?" Lizzie suggested, letting out a quiet titter, hoping that, if she wouldn't listen, the woman would at least take it as a joke.

"We're well past that point now," she replied. "Don't worry, sweetie... I'm not going to promise it'll be fun, and it definitely won't be comfortable, but you're going to be okay."

The second diaper being taped around her waist confirmed her fears, got rid of any lingering hopes that she'd be put on a potty to expel it - much less a toilet, although that had been a pipe dream from the start. Dr. Rosenwald lifted her off the table, took her by the hand, led her back to the IV stand, the little girl waddling in her huge diaper, knowing that, despite how big it was, she was soon going to be filling it to the brim.

"It's all right," Dr. Rosenwald assured her, sliding the girl's diapers down, exposing her bare bottom. "I'm going to be right here."

That shouldn't have been a comfort - Lizzie didn't want anyone to see her doing this - but it was, somehow, even as she watched the woman lubricating the nozzle before slowly, carefully, pushing it into her backside. Lizzie gasped, wiggling desperately at the invasion, until she was told to, "Stay still, Lizzie." She did her best to follow orders, aware that was all she could do at the moment, that she'd failed her one chance to stop this already.

"There you go," the woman cooed, rubbing Lizzie's back. "See, that part's over. Now, I'm going to open the clamp, and the water is going to start in three... two..."

Lizzie squealed, flinching as a tidal wave of liquid began to gush into her, flowing quickly out of the nozzle, cascading through her insides. "H-Hey!" she glared up at Dr. Rosenwald. 

"Sorry," she smiled. "It's like a shot, though... It's better to do it before the countdown is over... It's much worse when you're anticipating it. See? It isn't so bad, is it?"

"Yes, it is!" Lizzie whined, eyes widening as the doctor produced a pacifier, slipping it into her mouth. By now, sucking on it was automatic, and definitely helped, although it was impossible to forget what was happening. She groaned, bouncing in place, feeling full already, but able to look up, see that the bag above her was nowhere near empty. Where was it all going to go?!

"Don't worry about that," Dr. Rosenwald assured her, seeming to read her mind. "You can take it. I've seen this plenty of times... There have been plenty of other stubborn babies before you, Lizzie, and I'm sure you won't be the last. In the end, it always winds up the same."

Lizzie gritted her teeth into the silicon nipple of her paci as a cramp hit her, already feeling just as bad as they ever got before she had to give in and mess herself, her body not used to her guts being this full. She looked away from the bag, not wanting to think about how long she had left, and down at herself, instead, blushing as she saw how round and bloated her tummy seemed. It was like this was adding some of her baby fat back on, making her look the part she'd been playing since she got here even more than she already had... 

"I-I can't hold it!" she whimpered, grateful the doctor hadn't expanded the pacifier, left her unable to speak. It was so much... Her body was desperate to get rid of it, and it wasn't even finished! She held her swollen tummy, sniffling and sweating, the bulk of the diaper making it so hard to squeeze her legs together, to help control herself...

"You can," the other woman said encouragingly. "I promise, Lizzie, you can do it. And when this is over, your insides are going to be so nice and clean... It'll be a nice, fresh start for you. Just think about it as washing away any desire you have not to let go, as soon as you feel like your tummy is full..."

"This isn't fair!" Lizzie grumbled. "If you hafta do this, you know I don't need diapers, so why not just let me..?!"

"Because you agreed that they were what was best for you," Dr. Rosenwald reminded her, grabbing the paci out of her hand, putting it back where it belonged, and, this time, giving the ring a twist, clearly tired of arguing. 

Lizzie groaned behind the pacifier, watching her tummy grow more, pushing against the crinkly waistband of her diaper. She didn't dare glance upwards, not wanting to see the bag, or the other woman's face, waiting for the flow to stop...

"There we go," the doctor nodded, giving the bag a light squeeze. "Looks like that's the last of it... Now, I want you to be ready, Lizzie... I'm going to take the nozzle out, but I don't want you to let go until I have the diaper back up. Can you do that?"

Lizzie nodded tearfully, nursing on the paci as she felt the torrent of water trickle to a stop, uncertain if she was telling the truth or not. She wanted to be able to, to not have to hold this any longer than she had to... And yet, as soon as she stopped, she knew what that meant. She braced herself, feeling the woman's hand sliding over her bottom, the other reaching down, latex gloves closing around the twin diapers waiting right below.

"Ready?" Dr. Rosenwald asked, and, this time, she waited until Lizzie bobbed her head up and down again before springing into action. In one, smooth motion, she slipped the hose out, Lizzie's body automatically noticing it, trying to let go. It took all of the girl's strength to stop herself, those few moments it took for the doctor to pull the diaper up seeming to take an eternity.

Dr. Ronsenwald gave the seat of the diaper a pat, signaling Lizzie it was okay to let go... But she was too late, her hand pushing down against a mushy lump that had formed already, that was still growing, rapidly. Lizzie suckled furiously, helpless to stop herself, the mess just continuing to pour out of her, cause her diaper to balloon outwards as she stood there, aghast, wishing she'd done what the doctor had asked and pooped her pants on the table. She'd have had some control there - which, honestly, she wasn't sure would be that much better - some option of stopping it, maybe... That was kind of iffy, once she got started, though she could try. Here, she was completely at her body's whims.

"My, my," the doctor teased, patting the diaper again, the squelch it made already so much bigger than the first, "You really did have to go, didn't you? Now, isn't it a good thing I did this? You'll make yourself sick, holding all this in like that..."

Finally, after what felt like an hour to the poor girl, it was over, and she nearly drooped down onto the floor... Until she realized what that would, no doubt, feel like. She'd been in plenty of dirty diapers since she came to this place, but none as bad as this.

"See?" the doctor knelt down and gave the exhausted, embarrassed girl a hug, Lizzie glad for the paci to hide her yelp when the squeeze urged another, far smaller, round to begin, making her double diapers droop further still. "You made it."

Lizzie nodded meekly, face bright red as she glanced down at herself, catching a glimpse of her loaded diaper.

"I bet you don't want to do that again, do you?" Lizzie shook her head. "I didn't think so... Especially since you'd have to hold it in the future."

Lizzie's eyes widened. Hold it?! How was that even possible?! She'd barely lasted until her diapers were back up... How could anyone wait longer than that?!

"I know first-timer's won't be able to do it, so we didn't even try," Dr. Rosenwald told her, "but it really helps the water get you nice and squeaky clean if you keep it in there... Do you think you can do that?" Lizzie shook her head, blushing. "I don't think you can, either," the woman chuckled. "If you don't start using your diapers properly, though, you're going to have to try."

She reached down, removed the pacifier to allow Lizzie to acknowledge, out loud, that she understood the new status quo. "Yes, ma'am," she said, one more time.

"Aww," the larger woman smiled. "Don't look so sad, dear... It's not all bad. Here." She stepped around Lizzie, opening another drawer, this time pulling out a sticker of a yellow and pink swirled lollipop. "This is for you. You can put that on your crib, if you want, or we can get you a scrapbook to keep them in, so you can take them with you when you leave... But, whenever you mess your diaper on your own, you'll get one of those!"

Despite everything, it was hard not to get caught up in her enthusiasm, until the implications of what she was saying hit Lizzie. Did the woman really think she was so immature that she'd stoop to pooping her pants for a sticker?! 

And yet, given the alternative... It came down to doing it intentionally and getting rewarded with a sticker, or resisting and being forced to do it anyway with an enema. The choice was obvious, and easy. She almost wanted to tell the doctor she didn't have to bother with the stickers, didn't want anyone to see her getting them and thinking she'd traded her final, remaining maturity away for something so childish... But, if she was going to do this, she might as well get something, anything, from it. 

"Thank you, Dr. Rosenwald," she mumbled.

"You're welcome," the woman replied, patting her on the head. "Now, let's get you cleaned up. I think we'll stick with one diaper, still... You're going to be needing changed more often from now on, anyway, aren't you?"

It should have felt like a victory, not being sentenced to double diapers at all time, like she’d been afraid this appointment was going to end with… However, she couldn’t really say that what had ended up happening was really any better.