43 - Trust-Building Exercise (Patreon)

Phoenix stared down at her lap where Tala materialized to snuggle her, giving soothing chirps as the summoner held back tears. She knew that something had been wrong with her friend and having him confirm her fears that it was her fault, that she had messed up again, had her frustrated with herself once more.

Rayna moved her chair closer to put a furred hand on her shoulder and said, “Hey, don’t worry about him. He’s just jealous of some royal heir out there.”

“No. He’s right,” she muttered, gently petting the poofy bird, “I didn’t trust any of you with my secrets when I should have… Now that I do, it seems like too little too late. He’s justified in his anger and I probably deserve worse than harsh words… I don’t want any of you to think that your dreams are silly. Because I kept this secret, Dazien thinks I don’t trust him.”

Phoenix didn’t mention the secret she was still keeping, even though she had already resolved to tell them earlier. Now she fearfully wondered how he would react once she revealed that she could revive. Paul had made it seem like an even more important secret to keep. Even fearing that they wouldn’t understand. Would Dazien yell at her again? Would he kick her off the team? Would her friends hate her now?

“Nobody can force you to trust them,” Saiya said softly, “Getting angry because you didn’t gain someone’s trust sooner isn’t justification for blaming them.”

The healer looked in the direction of where their leader had stormed off to and said, “I don’t think a lot of that anger was really directed at you honestly. He probably blames himself for not convincing you to trust him.”

The Wayfarer looked up at her and said, “It’s not his fault though… he–” she frowned thinking back on everything they had been through as she admitted, “He did everything right. I was the one that was wrong. I was the one who was afraid and couldn’t bring myself to rely on others. You’ve all helped show me that.”

“Phoenix, I told you before that it’s okay to have secrets,” the voxen said, scooting closer to her, “Don’t blame yourself for this current spat. You aren’t responsible for Dazien’s, or anyone else’s, feelings. You keep secrets because it’s what you believe is best and he’ll come to understand that soon enough. Sometimes our emotions and anxieties just get the better of us and cause us to lash out,” the Healer soothed and glanced back towards the exit that their Defender had just walked through, “He’ll calm down and realize you did nothing that any of us should make you feel guilty for.”

Her gaze followed Saiya in the direction of the exit as well, “Still, I don’t think I should ignore his feelings now either…” she said, then turned to Uriel, “How can I make it up to him? To all of you? I want to be able to show you that I really do trust all of you now,” she declared, turning to look at each of them.

Uriel gave a smirk and said, “I’m sure there are a number of ways but for starters why don’t you just try talking to him?” He leaned forward slightly and explained, “You know how curious he is. You set a boundary about your quest, so he stopped prying but that doesn’t mean his mind didn’t keep wondering. I think if you want to show him that you do trust him now, and I mean really trust him, then you let him ask without limits.”

“Boundaries are healthy,” Saiya interjected, “If you’re not comfortable with something then you shouldn’t feel pressured into doing it, even if it’s just talking.”

The cinderen looked at her and tilted his head in acknowledgment but clarified, “It’s just one way to display trust for him. If you trust him completely, then you should feel comfortable answering the questions he gives because you can trust that he wouldn’t ask anything that you wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with him. If a question like that does come up then maybe you can at least talk with him about why you don’t trust sharing that information and give him the chance to understand your perspective.”

Phoenix mulled over the idea for a moment before asking, “Is that why we played top three? Where the stipulation was you had to answer questions truthfully.”

Saiya gave a knowing smile and said with amusement, “It’s a trust-building exercise.”

Dazien Smithson stalked through the makeshift camp, his emotions roiling in a way that threatened to confuse him if he dwelt on them. He didn’t want to stop and think, which was a rare sensation for him, but it was just turning out to be that kind of day.

He usually loved to work through a problem. A curious mystery full of intrigue that forced him to exercise his mind had always been almost as thrilling as wielding his sword. The fact that his mind currently felt so muddled that he would rather punch something was a testament to the unusual state he found himself in.

The gemite had always been adept enough at social situations to navigate them calmly and with minimal friction, especially with his Natural Talent to assist. Even though he had lived all his life in the city of Tulimeir, he had always been seen as an outsider. The lone gemite with purple hair and skin that was a slightly lighter shade of brown than the sea of runeforged and cinderen he grew up in.

With always being on the outside, he had to learn to adapt and talk his way into social circles, his Natural Talent being a boon in that regard. His words were weapons he wielded to show others he was worthy of notice and respect. By maintaining grace, tact, and confidence at all times, the others had flocked to his banner. Because of this, he couldn’t recall the last time he had actually lost his temper and shouted in anger at someone.

Not only did he go off on a rant but it was at someone that he had trusted and cared for. Someone that he had promised to protect and support. The image of Uriel’s disapproval and her stricken face was seared into his mind now as he marched out of the camp and down the tunnel he had previously been guarding with his party.

As he reached the point in the hall where Phoenix had fallen after pulling yet another crazy stunt in an effort to protect all of them, he punched the stone wall, sending a spider web of cracks through the surface. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried to protect her–their Supporter–when things were at their worst, she would be the one to make the sacrifice and protect him–the Defender.

He pulled his fist back to punch the wall again but a firm hand caught his arm and the rough voice of Paul spoke from beside him, “The goal is to not destroy the city, remember?”

Dazien pulled his arm away, which the Emerald Caster allowed, as he muttered, “Better the wall than you.”

The paladin raised an eyebrow and surprised the young warrior by giving him a smirk as the lord replied, “I believe you would do even less damage to me, kid. Would you like to test it?”

The Crystal Caster’s eyes went wide at the idea, then he shook his head and gave a frustrated sigh as he attempted to collect himself, saying in a much calmer voice, “My apologies, Lord Wayland. I am not myself at the moment.”

He gestured to the empty hallway, “It was the reason I came here. I realized that I’m having trouble coming to terms with…” he trailed off, glancing at his friend’s mentor before saying uncertainly, “Some information that Phoenix offered us earlier today regarding her divine Favors.”

The paladin’s face scrunched in a way he had only ever seen the man's apprentice do and said dryly, “Ah. So she finally gave in,” then crossed his arms over a cream shirt, the obsidian armor currently absent, and inquired, “I was there when she received the first two. What did she tell you?”

Dazien recounted what Phoenix had divulged then, after a moment’s consideration, confided in the older Adventurer about the earlier conversation he had with the Wayfarer and how he had lost his temper, definitely expecting some form of retribution for shouting at the lord’s soon-to-be-daughter.

He gave another sigh of frustration as he admitted, “I don’t know what to do, Lord Wayland. I can barely understand why I’m feeling… like this.”

“I have my suspicions on both why and what you’re feeling,” the paladin said while leaning against the stone wall he had punched, “I’m guessing the core is all that anger, which I’m quite familiar with, while there’s also a bit of self-doubt and denial.”

The gemite stared at him with surprise in his amethyst eyes before scowling, crossing his own arms as he leaned next to the mentor, and muttered, “Bloody aura senses,” causing Paul to chuckle. Dazien shook his head and asked, “That’s the what but you said you knew the why?”

“I said that I suspected, not knew. Reading auras isn’t reading minds. I’ve seen you with your companions and have been watching long enough to figure out a few things about you, however,” the lord admitted.

As Dazien stayed silent, waiting for the man to elaborate, Paul shook his head and said with a hint of amusement, “For being so adroit at reading people you seem to have a blind spot for yourself.”

“Probably part of that denial you mentioned,” the young warrior mumbled.

The paladin chuckled again and agreed, “Probably. There are a couple of reasons I suspect but I think in this case the root of your anger is caused by an additional feeling; one of inadequacy. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but you came here because this was the last place you felt like you failed at something,” he gestured to the stone ground in front of them; where the memory of pale skin and red hair matted with blood had once lain flashed across the party leader’s mind.

“You’re not wrong,” Dazien said in barely more than a whisper, “I’m the one who's meant to defend the others but I failed to defend her. I keep failing her. If she can’t trust me to fulfill my Role then why would she trust me with any of her secrets. Why would she trust me to lead?”

“Why indeed?” Paul reiterated, letting silence fall between them as he wallowed in self-pity before the older man spoke again, “When we first met, I refused to let her join your party.”

“You didn’t believe I could protect her. I almost got her killed that day,” he said dejectedly and added, “You were obviously right. Today proved that yet again.”

“You know what the reasons she gave me for wanting to join you and your friend were?”

Dazien shook his head, glancing over curiously, as Paul recalled, “It was because you were honest with her and could make her laugh.”

The young warrior’s eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected reasoning and sputtered incredulously, “Make her laugh? She saw me more as a jester instead of a king?!” then grumbled, “I know I accused her of laughing at me but I didn’t actually believe she would.”

Paul gave a sad smile as he returned the younger man’s gaze, “Not at you, with you. I think she saw you as a flickering light of joy in a sea of darkness that threatened to consume her and still does,” he explained and Dazien relaxed slightly, contemplating the words as his mentor added, “I’d wager that’s also what draws your partner in as well; whether he’s aware of it or not. Perhaps, like him, instead of making it your duty to defend Phoenix's body from harm, you can focus more on protecting her heart from despair?”

He pushed himself off the wall to get a better look at the paladin and practically pleaded, “How?! I’ve never met anyone like her before! Who runs towards monsters but away from friends?!”

The golden lord raised an eyebrow at him as though he was being an idiot and asked, “Did you forget exactly which gods gave her that divine quest?” which made him realize that, yes, he was an idiot.

He gave another frustrated growl and kicked at some of the rubble on the ground, then gestured toward the paladin, “How did you do it?” he asked, trying to find a solution, “She obviously trusts you completely. How did you convince her?”

Paul gave another smirk and said, “Saving her life multiple times and having Emerald Caste power,” when he gave the man an incredulous look, the paladin chuckled, “I’m joking.”

“You never joke.”

“I joke with Phoenix,” that made him give a flat look which elicited another chuckle as the lord amended his explanation, “I was there for her. I reassured her and trusted her and never betrayed that trust. Just like you have been.”

Dazien felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes as he begged to understand, “Then why? Why couldn’t she trust me with the knowledge of her quest and Oathbond? Those are important details in her life and she didn’t trust me enough to help shoulder the burden.”

It confused him slightly to see the awkward look that came over the Emerald Caster leaning against the cracked wall as the man rubbed at the back of his neck, “Actually, kid, I might owe you a slight apology for that,” Paul said.

At his clueless blinking the man expounded further, “I told her to not share that secret with anyone. You know what some people would do if they found out she was Oathbonded to a single god, let alone two. How many nobles do you know that would appreciate having a Rebel Bonded in their city?”

As the words clicked and his mind raced, Dazien had no doubt that the lord had been correct in his caution. Phoenix was lucky that she hadn’t been killed already if anyone else had known. He had been so caught up on the importance of her secret that he hadn’t thought about what would have happened if she had trusted the wrong person. She would be dead ten times over by now and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Wait, so… you’re saying the only reason she didn’t tell me sooner was because you warned her not to?” he clarified.

Paul surprised him by stepping forward, placing a hand on his shoulder, and saying sincerely, “Phoenix asked me if she could tell you. She does trust you and I think she may be right in this case. You’re a good man, Dazien.”

He was speechless; which was only something that this man seemed to be capable of rendering in him. The words struck him at his core and the weight of his anger, fear, and inadequacies lessened. The first thing that finally came to mind as an actual coherent thought was, “You’ve never called me by my name before.”

Lord Wayland smiled at him and admitted, “Yeah, well, I guess you’re starting to grow on me.”

He returned the smile and felt a little more like himself as he joked, “Does that mean you might adopt me too?”

Paul laughed and clapped him on the back, “Don’t push your luck, kid.”

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