Midnight Pals: Harry Potter TV (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh joanne
Poe: you're back
Rowling: yesss i have a new harry potter TV sssseriesss that you are all obligated to watch by order of the king
Poe:
Lovecraft:
King:
Koontz:
Barker:
Barker: yeah how's that work?
Poe: clive

Rowling: harry potter isss back!
Rowling: he'sss the boy who lived! and he will NEVER die
Rowling: thanksss to my wealth and influence, i can cram whimsssy down your throatsss forever!!
Rowling: now take this online quiz to find out your hogwarts house!!
Rowling: take it, i say!!

Rowling: as executive producer, i can finally tell the ssstory of harry potter how i imagined it!! Rowling: i know i've already told the ssstory through the booksss and the moviesss
Rowling: but you know, third time is the charm

Rowling: ok sssso picture thisss
Rowling: hogwartsss is taken over by transss deatheaterss
King: by what?
Rowling: oh yeah the deatheaterss are transs now
Barker: hell yeah queer villainy
Rowling: NO! It's BAD!

Rowling: they're forcing their woke agenda on Hogwartsss
Rowling: instead of learning potionss, the sstudents are forced to learn pronounsss!!
Rowling: insstead of defensse against the dark artsss, the sstudents are forced to learn
Rowling:
Rowling: uh
Rowling: PRONOUNSS!!

Rowling: now hogwartss musst destroy the woke menace
Poe: this sounds a lot more like american evangelical terfism than the genteel plausibly deniable british terfism we're used to from you
Rowling: newssflassh, edgar! the ssingularity hass happened! itss all the ssame now!

Rowling: only the hero harry potter can ssave the day!
Rowling: by doing the bravessst thing a boy wizard can do
Rowling: he'ss going to deadname a murdered teenager

Rowling: harry potter isss back!! Harry potter is eternal!!!
Barker: hey whatever happened to that whole cormorant shrike thing you had going
Rowling: shut up
Barker: aw what's the matter? didn't people like your farty detective?
Rowling: SHUT UP

Rowling: the important thing isss
Rowling: i'm sstill extremely rich
Rowling: and therefore, by british law, correct