Midnight Pals: Cars (Patreon)

[at unicorn fuck club]
CS Lewis: hey jrrt when are you going to give us another hobbit story?
JRR Tolkien: oh you guys liked the hobbit?
Lewis: yeah we all loved it! we want more hobbit adventures!
Lewis: we need to know what happened to bilbo and the ring after that whole dragon affair

JRR Tolkien: well since you're all so interested
Tolkien: i DO have another story
Tolkien: about a certain hobbitty little character who has a grand adventure out
Tolkien: i call it
Tolkien: the wacky car crashes of mr Bumbles Q. Crash-a-lot!

Tolkien: it's the story of a guy who buys a car and he crashes it all the time!
Tolkien: oh ho ho ho!
Tolkien: delightfully wacky!
Tolkien: those wacky newfangled cars!
Tolkien: they're always crashing!
CS Lewis: yeah they DO crash a lot

Brian Jacques: [squeaking] i use a roller skate for a car!
Tolkien: wait how do you control it?
Jacques: [squeaking] i use a silver dollar for a steering wheel
Tolkien: is that dangerous?
Jacques: [squeaking] i use a thimble for a helmet!

Tolkien: our hero decides to buy a motor car so that he can drive around in the modern style
Tolkien: much to the chagrin of his pet girabbit
Tolkien: which is like part giraffe and part rabbit
Tolkien: like in tenchi muyo

Tolkien: this fellow, he's always getting in trouble because of his car
Tolkien: like when he gets kidnapped by some bears
Tolkien: or has a run in with 4 fat guys
JK Rowling: i hate them

Tolkien: so then he crashes his car
Tolkien: oh it's terrible, it's
Tolkien: it's
Tolkien: hmm
Tolkien: is there a word for a bad eucatastrophe?

GRR Martin: are you trying to buy time to finish your big hobbit book by writing a kids story?
Tolkien:
Tolkien: [hanging head] yeah
Martin: haha!
Martin: delightly devilish, JRRT! I love it!

Martin: oh i uh got a story
CS Lewis: FINALLy some winds of winter!
Martin: yeah i call this
Martin: the story of Biggles Bunnyfluff and the Fuzzy Duckling Caper
Lewis: that's not what we wanted!
Martin: TOO BAD