Midnight Pals: Evil Computer (Patreon)

Harlan Ellison: so how does a guy get paid around here
Edgar Allan Poe: this isn't that kind of event, harlan
Poe: we just gather here to tell stories for fun
Ellison: well, the rest of you might be assholes but that doesn't mean i am
Ellison: not saying a fucking word here til i get my money

Harlan Ellison: what is this? some online jokester making jokes with my likeness?
Ellison: oh you better hope they're paying me for this
Poe: lighten up harlan it's just for fun
Ellison: lightening up costs extra

Harlan Ellison: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the evil computer that can torture you forever
Elon Musk: mama mia!
Musk: concerning!

Ellison: who's this guy?
Barker: oh that's just steve's friend elon musk
King: he's not my friend
Barker: he shows up sometimes
King: he's not my friend

Elon Musk: eyyy Friendship ended with stephano king
Musk: Now HP Lovecraft issa my best friend
Lovecraft: what
Musk: eyyyy hp lovacraft we lika two peasa inna pod
Musk: you no lika de jews, i no lika de jews!
Musk: you namma you cat a slur, i namma my kid a slur!
Lovecraft: which kid?
Musk: De Protocols offa de Elders of Xion Musk

Ellison: so there's this evil computer that can do anything
Ellison: like, it can make you live forever just to fuck with you
King: how does it make you live forever?
Ellison: shut up steve, i'm talking

Ellison: like, this computer is so evil and it can make shit like
Ellison: like ice caves and shit
Ellison: and it can turn you into a jelly
King: how does it do any of this
Ellison: shut the fuck up steve
Ellison: asking stupid questions costs extra

Musk: mama mia this-a evil computer will destroy ussa all!
Harlan Ellison: oh you like this concept?
Ellison: think its real scary huh?
Ellison: motherfucker, pay me.

Musk: eyyy dissa evil super computer willa destroy ussa all
Musk: therefore i musta help build it
Musk: itta de only logical thing to do!

King: so apparently elon musk built an evil super computer so powerful that it can say all the slurs at once
Arthur C Clarke: my god, steve!!
Clarke: doesn't he know
Clarke: that's the purpose of creation!
Clarke: once every slur is said, God will bring the Universe to an end!

Clarke: once every slur is said, God will bring the Universe to an end!
Carter Scholz: i was going to say that too
Clarke: oh yeah wow real original
Scholz: like, you know, as a commentary on your story
Clarke: yeah i know what you're doing
Clarke: eat my ass carter

Linda Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] everyone loves twitter, the fun place for fun!
Elon Musk: eeeyyy here-a soma my favorite slurs
Musk: saracen, tinker, spaghett face, niknokker, bibblebeep
Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] yeah ha ha we sure love to have fun here on twitter!

Musk: eyyyy i hate de jews
Musk: but i lova de israel
Jonathan Greenblatt: masterful gambit, sir