Midnight Pals: Clarification (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh
Poe: joanne
Rowling: I’m jussst here to clarify my posssition on transss people
Barker: oh damn wow
Barker: damn wow everyone stop what you’re doing
Barker: joanne’s got something to say about trans people
Poe: clive
Barker: sh edgar I don’t want to miss a word
Barker: I bet this is really gonna surprise us all

Rowling: I jusssst wanted to clarify
Rowling: my opinion
Rowling: which isss that we need to find sssome kind of
Rowling: final sssolution for them
Rowling: I’m not transssphobic by the way

Barker: wow damn did not see that coming
Barker: about to have a heart attack and die from the shock of this revelation
Barker: bout time for you to say the line edgar
Poe: no you can go on

Rowling: look, I’m not transssphobic
Rowling: I jussss think that transss people should all disssappear
Rowling: and I think the bessst way I can make that happen is by ssssupporting global fascism
Rowling: with my wordssss and my wealth
Rowling: I jussst wanted to clarify my opinion there
Barker: you have literally not revealed any new information

Rowling: no but sssee I wanted to clarify
Barker: like, we all already knew this
King: yeah joanne I feel like you’ve been pretty clear about this
Poe: yeah I think we all understand what you’re saying
Rowling: good
Rowling: then you underssstand I’m not being transssphobic

Rowling: I cannot be argued out of thissss possssition
Rowling: my brain issss too powerful to be ssswayed by factssss
Rowling: unlike you puny mammalsss, I have a dorssssal ventricular ridge in my telencephalon

King: jeez joanne you know I’m a huge fan of harry potter but gosh that’s just pretty bad I gotta say
Rowling: I knew that you harry potter fansssss are deeply unhappy with my transss views
Rowling: but you have to underssstand
Rowling: I jusssst really love transssphobia
Rowling: it’sss great

Rowling: I underssstand you feel betrayed assss a harry potter fan, sssteve
Rowling: but you won’t feel that way for long
King: really?
Rowling: yesss
Rowling: cuz it’s illegal to feel betrayed by my views
Rowling: you’ll be hearing from my lawyersss

Rowling: I wasss jussst thinking
Rowling: really, if you think about it
Rowling: I’m the real victim here
Rowling: I mean, people were very very rude to me
Rowling: I had to buy a four foot fence!
Rowling: do you know how much that cosssst?
Rowling: that’s money I could have been ussssing to sssue my fansss