Midnight Pals: Men (Patreon)

Alex Garland: now this story is for the ladies
Garland: i feel like you'll really "get" it
Garland: it's feminist
Angela Carter: ah, good
Garland: it's about how men suck ass
Carter:
Carter: alright, i'm listening

Alex Garland: ok so, as we all know, men are trash
Garland: i mean, am i right, ladies?
Garland: not me of course!
Garland: i'm elevating women's voices

Garland: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the men
Garland: it's about a woman who rents a vacation cottage from Austin powers
Garland: like with the teeth and the voice and everything
Garland: he's all "eh eh smashing, baby! yeah baby yeah"
Garland: "shagadelic!"

Garland: and also every man in the whole village is played by the same actor!
Angela Carter: the same actor?
Carter: is it mike myers?
Garland: haha no but wouldn't that be great?
Garland: "Oh behave! yeah baby!"
Garland: "thats my bag, baby!"

Garland: finally! a movie that dares to ask
Garland: why are men
Angela Carter: that is a very good question

Garland: you're all gonna love this
Garland: some have said my work is highly vaginal
Garland: The word itself makes some men uncomfortable
Garland: Vagina.
Patricia Highsmith: yeah i don't like that

Garland: so this woman is in this vacation home
Garland: when a naked guy starts harassing her
Garland: "yeah baby!" said nobody since this was not good

Garland: of course none of the MEN take her seriously
Garland: cuz she's a woman!
Highsmith: yeah well you know how broads are
Highsmith: always hysterical
Garland:

Mary Shelley: if some guy showed up at my house, i'd fuckin stab him
Garland: she does! she stabs him in the hand
Garland: the stab wound is a vagina
Shelley: well then, she ain't stabbed him hard enough
Shelley: i'd stab him right in his vagina hand, i don't give a fuck

Patricia Highsmith: damn mary you'd just stab a man?
Mary Shelley: i ain't no sexist
Shelley: i'd stab a woman too
Shelley: show me a woman, i'll stab her right now
Shelley: look i just love stabbing, honestly

Garland: each man represents one of the negative aspects of toxic masculinity
Patricia Highsmith: why are we always talking about the negative aspects of toxic masculinity
Highsmith: why don't we talk about the positive aspects of toxic masculinity?

Garland: then the Austin powers guy steals her car
Garland: because toxic masculinity often compels men to steal cars
Garland: meanwhile, overhead, the milky way galaxy spreads across the sky like a great big vagina

 Garland: i hope you ladies are ready for the big finale!
Garland: does anyone here like M preg?
Angela Carter:
Patricia Highsmith:
Mary Shelley:
Garland: ok this ending might no go over as well as i thought