Midnight Pals: Bigfoots (Patreon)

Brian Keene: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of crazy bear valley
Keene: so these no-good outlaws are on the run from the law
Keene: but
Keene: they take a wrong turn
Keene: into danger
King: what kind of danger?
Keene: bigfoots

Keene: its a no holds barred war to the death between cowboys and bigfoots
Keene: cowboys, of course, have the advantage of intelligence and speed, as well as firearms
Keene: but the bigfoots have the numbers

Keene: these bigfoots might just tear these cowboys to pieces
Bram Stoker: oh but cowboys!
Keene: whats the matter bram? you kill your cowboys all the time!
Stoker: yeah but
Stoker: i dunno, its different

King: how big are the bigfoots?
Keene: eh pretty normal bigfoot sized, i'd say
King: really? i expected they'd be bigger
King: what about their feet?
Keene: oh well, yeah, their feet are big
Keene: like duh
Keene: obviously

King: wait are their feet big compared to normal feet or big compared to bigfoot feet?
Keene: normal
King: so big compared to our feet?
Keene: yes i
Keene: you know the feet aren't really central to this story

Keene: ok so back to the story
King: wait a second is it bigfoots or bigfeet?
Poe: obviously, it's bigfoots
Barker: what? that's insane edgar. it's obviously bigfeet
King: no no i think edgar's right on this one
Lovecraft: that doesn't make any sense
Keene: so back to the story

Robert E Howard: howdy pardnas
Keene: 2 Gun Bob!
King: it's 2 Gun Bob!
Lovecraft: 2 Gun Bob!
Barker: 2 Gun Bob!
Poe: whoa 2 gun bob!
Stoker: OMG! 2 Gun Bob!
Koontz: 2 Gun Bob!
Howard: i reckon i got somethin' to say on the matter

Howard: when a cowpoke is a-ridin' through bigfoot country, he's gotta have his trusty six iron on his hip
Howard: cuz ya might gotta wrassle some varmints
Keene: you sound like you've had some experience with this
Keene: with fighting bigfoots
Barker: you mean bigfeet
Keene: no

Howard: now if me an' my boys tangled with a posse of bigfoots, we'd give em a taste of the ol' pea shooter
Keene: yeah but see, there's a lot of bigfoots
Keene: way too many to shoot
Howard: i ain't a-bothered, i'm a fast draw
Howard: [twirling six shooter] possibly the fastest

JRR Tolkien: hello lads
King: JRR Tolkien! what are YOU doing here?
Tolkien: well i head something about
Tolkien: BIG FEET
Tolkien: big HAIRY feet perhaps?
Tolkien: big hairy SMELLY feet?
Tolkien: big gross hairy smelly feet with fur????

Keene: the story's not about big feet, it's about bigfoots
Tolkien:
Tolkien: oh
Tolkien: how big are the bigfoots feet?
Keene: normal sized
Tolkien: normal for us or normal for bigfoots?
Keene: you know what i'm just gonna call them sasquatchs going forward