Midnight Pals: Trucks and Dolls (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: the time of our ultimate triumph issss at hand
Rowling: the cassss report says girlss play with dollsss and boyss play with truckss
Rowling: finally! sssomeone sssaid it!

Rowling: lisssten to these incredible findingsss
Rowling: "it is difficult to guess a person's gender based solely on their height and no other info"
Rowling: ok i'm not really ssure what that meanss
Rowling: but the conclusssion that transss people should be illegal is obviouss

Rowling: [reading paper] this casss report provesss the ssscientific, indisssputable fact that
Rowling: biologically ssspeaking
Rowling: girlss play with dollsss and boyss play with truckss
Rowling: because of
Rowling: [squinting at paper] hormones

Rowling: uh
Rowling: ok ssso that's what it sssaysss here
Rowling: that sseemss kind of
Rowling:
Rowling: well
Rowling: i guesss that's what we're going with now
Rowling: yes actually
Rowling: the more i think about it
Rowling: the more obviouss and rational thiss ssoundss to me

Jesse Singal: but mommy
Singal: what if a girl doesn't want to play with a doll or a boy doesn't want to play with a truck
Rowling: oh we will MAKE them want to play

Rowling: every boy WILL play with truckss, every girl WILL play with dollss
Rowling: thank god we can count on our government to make thiss a national priority
Rowling: instead of that sssilly raw sssewage on beachess issssue

Rowling: i will sssee a britain ressstored to perfect immutable divission between men and women where NEVER the twain shall meet
Rowling: and i will persssonally burn EVERY copy of Marlo Thomassss' Free to be You and Me

Rowling: really jesse i'm surprised at you
Rowling: a boy who doesn't want to play with trucks wouldn't be a boy
Singal: i thought our line was that sex was genitals
Rowling: OH MY GOD jesse at least TRY to keep up
Rowling: it's about trucks now

Rowling: or
Rowling: as we call them here in britain
Rowling: lorries

Helen Joyce: dark lord dark lord i have a question
Rowling: i'm not talking to you right now
Joyce:
Rowling: you embarrasssssed usss
Rowling: you embarrasssssed usss all
Rowling: you had one job, helen! one job!

Rowling: you were ssssupposssed to be vetted as an expert in trans! how do you fail that?
Rowling: i mean for god'sss ssake
Rowling: how did the australianss figure out you were jussst making shit up?
Joyce: i don't know!
Joyce: i really did think trans people laid eggs!