Midnight Pals: Cowboys (Patreon)

Stoker: i've got a great story for you all tonight
Koontz: dracula?
Stoker: no dean it's not dracula
Barker: you have other stories besides dracula
Stoker:
Stoker: yes clive i do have other stories
Barker: damn big if true!

Stoker: what are you implying clive? i have plenty of stories!
Stoker: i'm not some one hit wonder like mary
Mary Shelley: whoa there cowboy
Shelley: maybe you wanna back that the fuck up?
Stoker: i'm sorry mary, i didn't mean it
Stoker: clive got me all riled up

Barker: tho bram does raise an interesting point
Shelley: oh does he? does he raise an interesting point? and what would that point be clive?
Shelley: think real careful before you answer
Barker: i
Shelley: real careful
Shelley: real fuckin careful
Barker:
Barker: i withdraw the point

Shelley: i wrote plenty of stories
Shelley: not my fault you lot only wanna hear frankenstein all the fuckin time
Stoker: see? that's exactly what i'm saying
King: ah jeez we're sorry guys
King: it's just that, ya know...
King: dracula! frankenstein!
King: they're so iconic
King: they just distract us from all the other stories that you guys apparently wrote

Stoker: that's better
Stoker: i didn't JUST write dracula
Stoker: i also wrote the lair of the white worm
Barker: oh yeah we all remember THAT one
Poe: clive
Koontz: do the song!

Stoker: the song's not in the story
Barker: oh but the song does slap
Poe: dean loves the song
Poe: we all love the song
Stoker:
Stoker: siiigh
Stoker: [clapping, tapping foot] ohhhh john dampton went a-fishin', a-fishin' by the weir...

Stoker: you all remember the cowboy in dracula?
King: of course! the cowboy was the best part!
Stoker: well, what would you say if i wrote a story that was ALL cowboys?
King:
King: so like a western?
Stoker: a what?

Stoker: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the shoulder of shasta
Stoker: a rollicking romance of the old west starring city gal Esse Elstree and rootin' tootin' cowpoke Grizzly Dick-
Barker: wait
Barker: haha wait

Barker: wait ha ha ha ha i'm sorry
Barker: what was ha ha ha
Barker: what ha ha ha ha
Barker: haha what was that name again ha ha
Stoker: Grizzly Dick
Barker: hoo ha ha ha oh my GOD

Barker: ha ha ha
Barker: edgar ha ha
Barker: edgar don't you ha ha ha
Barker: don't you have anything to say ha ha hoo
Poe: cliiiivfffffppppphhhbbttttttahhaah ha ha

Stoker: what's so funny?
Barker: nothinggggha ha ha
Stoker: do you think there's something funny about Grizzly Dick?
Barker: ha ha haaa
Stoker: Grizzly Dick is the best part of the story!
Barker: ha ha haaaaaa
Stoker: I love Grizzly Dick! Grizzly Dick is my favorite part!
Stoker: my wife loves Grizzly Dick!!
Barker: hahahahohgodi'mdying

Stoker: next you're going to act like there's something funny about Esse Elstree's stern governess
Stoker: miss gimp
Barker: HA HAH HAHAAAAA

Stoker: i'm not going to tell the story if you're going to laugh
Barker: haha ok ok i'll stop
Stoker: ok good
Stoker: so anyway Grizzy Dick says
Stoker: [ridiculous cowboy voice] "HOWDY PARDNA YIPPEE KAI YAY GIT ON A ROOTIN AND A TOOTIN-"
Barker: AHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Robert E Howard: ain't nothin funny about this, hombre