WIP of Diana x Akko Script! Suggestions? (Patreon)

Okay! I've been tinkering with the script for the Diana x Akko comic and I'm kind of stumped. I'm trying to do it all in 32 panels (the numbers above each action is the panel number). Problem is, I don't know if it's sexy enough, and I only have another 7 panels to go! I'm probably gonna re-write it so that the action comes faster and earlier... but! Do any of you have suggestions? Anything you'd like to see? And, for those inclined to read my progress below, what do you think so far? Should I maybe do the last section as a montage of various sexy acts?

I've been wrestling with this for the past few days so any input would be much appreciated! Without further ado, here's what I have for the script so far:

1.

A x D cuddling on couch in Diana’s room. Girls are wearing their stockings, but no shoes. School uniforms otherwise.

Diana: * sniff *

Diana: I suppose I was overwhelmed. But you’re right--the housekeepers will take care of things back home. I just wish I could get used to not being in charge all the time.

2.

Diana:Thanks for putting up with me, Akko. I don’t know how I could get through this if I didn’t have you to talk to.

Akko: And cuddle.

Diana: And cuddle.

3.

Um, Akko?

A: Yeah?

D: You know how you said you’ve always wanted to... make me submit to you?

4.

A: YES!?

Akko shoves her excited face close to Diana.

Diana: I... will you...

5.

D: ...dominate me?

Akko flies onto the floor with bloody nose, legs in the air

6.

Diana still on couch, looking down, startled. Akko’s legs still on couch, the rest of her offscreen.

D: Akko!?

7.

Akko’s hands grabbing Diana’s shirt by the shoulders.

D: Wha--?

8.

Akko pulls Diana close so that she’s lying on top of Akko.

A: Say again? I wanna make sure I heard you right.

9.

D: I... I need you, Akko. I wanna give myself up to you. Please dominate me.

A: Right now?

D: Right now.

10.

Akko flips Diana over so that she’s on top.

D: Eep!

11.

Akko, untying the sash/belt thingy around Diana’s waist and straddling her.

A: In that case, we should probably start with me on top. Now, turn around and kiss the floor, cutie. I’m gonna tie you up.

D, smilling: Okay.

12.

Akko ties Diana’s wrists together. Diana has her butt elevated like a cat in heat. Akko is facing Diana’s raised butt. Diana’s hands are being tied in front of her body, against the floor. Long strip (like a leash) hanging from bound wrists.

A: Who would’ve thought a fancy-pants Cavendish like you would be so submissive!

D: Ohmy...

13.

Akko lifts Diana’s skirt, positioning herself over Diana so she’s sitting on her back.

Akko: You know, Miss Perfect, you were born with such a silver spoon up your ass, I bet you’ve never been disciplined before. Here, I’ll give you some real world experience!

14.

Rapid drum-solo spanking, one panel. Akko looking over her shoulder at Diana with a troll grin as she does it. Diana moans.

15.

A: Is this what you wanted, Diana? You like that?

D: Y-yes! Hah... Akko...

16.

Akko raising herself up off of Diana, pulling at the leash-strap around her wrists

A: Good, because I’m not done with you yet. Stand up, sweetie.

17.

Diana standing up. Akko standing right behind her, holding the leash.

A: Good girl...

18.

Akko kissing Diana’s neck. Both girls standing. Akko lifting Diana’s shirt while ordering her:

“Now... Pull your skirt and panties down.”

Diana’s skirt/panties are halfway down her hip.

19.

We see the skirt/panties falling to the floor.

20.

Wide panel, both girls standing. Akko pulling Diana’s leash.

A: Let’s take this over to the bed.

D: Y-yes, Akko!

21.

Diana is lead by her leash to the bed, her butt bare and red. Fuckstruck expression.

22.

Akko’s hand on Diana’s shoulder, the bed behind Diana.

A: Stop right there, Diana.

23.

In the next panel, Diana is falling on her back in the bed. Akko standing with hand palm-out, implying she pushed Diana down.

24.

Akko’s face close to Diana’s.

A: Spread your legs.

25.

Akko’s hand fingering Diana with one hand, fondling breasts with the other (Diana’s shirt already openened, bra pushed up). Akko leaning over Diana.

A: Oh, Diana... What would Hannah and Barbara say if they could see you now? A noble Cavendish, dominated by a witch who can’t even fly! Maybe I should play with you in front of them, huh? Or make you crawl beside me in the halls like a dog? Whaddya say to that, miss perfect?

==============

And that's all I have so far! Please share your thoughts, and let me know where you think it should go, or what I should add into the mix! I won't take all suggestions, but a nudge in the right direction from you guys might help to make this comic a lot spicier! Reminder that I'm trying to keep this fairly romantic/intimate so I'd like to conclude it with something warm and fuzzy, haha.