A personal note, and a thank you. (Patreon)

I've always tried to be as private as possible, and not bore others with tales of my personal life. I wanted to break that rule for a moment to talk you about what your support on here means to me.

TL;DR - I've recently been struggling to understand why people watch my videos. You guys give me the confidence to believe that maybe I do have something to offer. Whether you've been here for a month or a year, thank you so much for the support!

I've become increasingly aware of what it means to click the Publish button on a new video. Something I made alone in my bedroom might be watched by 100,000s of people. Looking back, it's strange that this never phased me. It was just normal. This dawning realisation has made me more insecure about the quality of my content, and I've wasted so much time recently making videos that I end up scrapping.

This is paired with the feeling that I'm losing touch with what people like about my videos. I still enjoy making them, but in a world of TikTok and snappy narration, I don't know why people enjoy my slower style of editing. I don't know if I even like it anymore.

This is at least what I think the problem is. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I'm going through. I wish I could go more into detail, but sometimes you just can't explain anxiety.

In 2023, LEMMINO followed me on Twitter. If you aren't familiar with his work, he makes exceptionally well-edited videos. I talked with him a bit and he said he's watched me for years and likes my editing style. On my last video, another popular creator Garreth Watts left a really lovely comment about how he's been watching my videos and how great an editor he thinks I am.

Receiving compliments from these two creators, as well as the continued support from you all on here, has been a bit of a wake-up call that maybe my self doubts are all in my head. I know it's all in my head, but I've just been trying to find out how to work through it.

Despite this sob story, I'm still looking forward to making videos. I'm not rolling in cash like a lot of YouTubers, and I do struggle with making content, but I'm incredibly grateful for what I do have.

I still don't know what I've done that inspired so many of you, and the 100s who have passed through here, to donate your own money to help me out... but I'm so grateful! Thank you!

Happy New Year! <3