How I'm doing + Trying new things! (with pics) (Patreon)

So it's been 3 weeks since my beautiful cat, Isabel, passed away. In response to the loss of the love and joy she brought me, I've been branching out and trying new things to add more joy into my life. 

The first thing that I decided to try was sewing. I was actually working on this project when my cat started acting weird and then shortly after, passed away. We had brushed out her fluffy fur a couple months prior and decided to keep it for after she was gone, just to have a piece of her to touch. When she died, I didn't want sewing to be completely related to her death and have me give up. So I decided to put a little bit of that fur into the teddy bear, right where the heart would be. He is named The Guardian and he has helped me sleep better now that Isabel is gone. He's a little crooked, but he's comforting.

The next thing I decided to try was baking! I decided I wanted to bake an apple pie from scratch. The filling, the crust, all of it. I peeled every apple and did everything myself (with guidance from a friend who is an experienced baker). It does not look super pretty, but it tasted really good!

The third thing was something I decided after seeing yet another video on Tiktok of a girl roller skating and looking cool. I thought, "Wow, it'd be cool to do that." Then I asked myself, as I have been trying to do lately, "Do I want to commit? Do it or don't. Make a choice." So I ordered myself some skates and I've started my roller skating journey!

I still find myself thinking I see my cat out of the corner of my eye or I come home from an errand and realize that she won't be waiting for me on the other side of the door. And I still cry sometimes. I am letting myself feel what I feel. But trying these new things and finding ways to meaningfully fill out my day has been helpful and I feel happy more often. 

Isabel wasn't just a pet. She was family. She was with me for 16 years and at times she was the only friend I had. She stayed with me as long as she could and I am so grateful. My sense of loss is the result of how much love she had to give and how much love I had to give back. I would have kept giving her the love she deserved. But I guess this is just how things go. The thought of being okay without my cat has often made me sad. But that is also ultimately the goal. And we're on this earth to live fully, love fiercely, and learn earnestly. And so there will be more happiness in my future.

I love you, Isabel. I will be okay. <3