A Giant's Heart: Chapter 3 (Patreon)

Dinner is everything I feared it would be.

The food and atmosphere were impeccable as always, though I barely touch my own fine meal, the discussion however had me wanting to fade out of sight.  My wife goes on about the latest machination that she had begun dabbling in among the aristocrats in the city.  Her innate lilting elvish charms of her voice keep me at least partially engaged on her but the meaning of her words flow straight through my distracted mind.  Time and again my eyes would wander to the window and the darkening forest beyond.

“Caspian, are you listening?”

“Hmm?  Oh, yes my dear.”

“So, as I was saying, once Lord Sesker is convicted for his crimes his family’s seat on the Lord’s Council will be vacated.  They want you to succeed him Caspian.  We would be granted a title and provided land within the city walls.  The Drake name would become a noble one.  I’ve seen the estate and it is perfect.  There is a large garden area for your walks.  The manor itself would need to be rebuilt to our tastes of course.”

“I already have a title.”  I say with as much feigned interest as I could muster.  “I am a knight.”

“But I am talking about a true lordship here Caspian.  Right there on the pulse of the kingdom.  The responsibilities will be time consuming but not difficult.  I can assemble a staff for you.  It would be so easy for a man of your intellect.”  She says.  “We can keep this place for getaways into the country.  All of the other lords hold various estates.”

“A humbling offer.”  I smile.  “But I’m not interested.”

My wife’s flawless cerulean eyes study me a moment.  She wasn’t going to let this one rest so easily.  “It is not humbling Caspian.  You deserve this.  A lordship is the least they could do for all you’ve done for this country.”

“Skill with a blade does not make me suitable to run a ward of the city.”  I wish I could have reached across the long table to take her hand, right now the chasm between us felt like so much more than just the distance.  “Despite all I’ve done I am still just a woodcutter’s son from the North.  I am not cut out for leadership, nor do I desire it.”

Leaning back in her chair she stares hard into me.  “With all you’ve done you still think of yourself as a common fighting man?”

“Lana…”

“Caspian, my love.  You are wasting your best years out here on the frontier.  You turn 45 next month.  I’m not saying you ever need to pick up a sword again.  But you should be pursuing the opportunities your heroic deeds have opened up for you.  It is time to start thinking about your legacy.”  She says oh so softly, yet every word reaches my ear with perfect clarity.  “Think of the good you could still do in the world.”

“I’ve done my bit.”

“A lordship would etch the Drake name into the granite of the kingdom.  Something to pass along to a wife…or an heir.”

There is a moment of quiet as that final word hangs in the air between us.  Having children was something we always knew would happen but we’d been holding off on it.  This talk of legacy and heirs was her way of reminding me that while she might have over a century of fertile years ahead of her my human virility was not so enduring.

I let out a great sigh and shake my head.  “I’m not interested.  Not right now anyway.”

“An opportunity like this might not come again.”

“I understand.”

“Caspian.”  Her tone is gentle.  “Let me bring you a Psiomancer.  They are very discreet.  They can take away some of those memories that are haunting you and holding you back.  They can…”

“Stop!”  I raise my hand and my voice.  “I will not have anybody poking around in my head.  How many times do I have to tell you that?”  I ease my tone.  “My memories were earned and I will bear them.  They are who I am.”

“Caspian, you are not happy.  I can see that.  If you would just…”

“Enough.”  I push away from the table.  “You can tell the council that I am not interested.  I am retired.”

She fixes me with a long cool glare before nodding her head ever so slightly.  “Very well.”

I get up and walk the length of the table to stand beside her.  Laying my hand on her slender shoulder I whisper.  “I want to be a husband you can be proud of.  But a lord of the city?  A life in the city?  It’s too much.  It’s too soon.  It’s not for me.  Something else will come.”

She nods again.  “I understand my love.”  Gripping my hand in hers she says.  “But we cannot wait forever.”

Leaning down I kiss her perfect lips and excuse myself from the meal.

***

The remainder of the evening is quiet in the household as the lord and the lady go about their separate business.  In my study I try to read but every time I blinked I saw a pair of amber eyes staring at me.  Eyes of pain and suffering and anguish.  My attention drifts out to the West and darkened wildlands.  A nearly full moon shines down on the forest from crystal clear sky.  Somewhere in the dark a giant lay dieing, or already deceased.  The one and only foe to ever send me fleeing.  I pray she was dead.  The terrible suffering she must be going through if not...  “Damn it!”  I shake my head and once more I castigate myself for projecting human feelings onto a monster like it.

I wished Zayne was here.  I needed somebody to talk to about what happened out there.  That old rogue, the only other surviving member of my original adventuring party and a former lover, could at least provide a sympathetic ear.  He could give me some perspective.  Nobody around here could possibly understand.  They hadn’t seen the things we’d seen or done the things we’d done.

Lanaestra interrupts my reverie and I am surprised to see her in her shimmering night clothes.  How long had I been staring out the window?  The opalescent cloth draping her long lean body is as fine as spider’s silk.  She glides across the room with the effortless grace of her people.  In a warm voice she says.  “I am going to retire for the night my love.”

I rise to my feet to take her into my arms and kiss her cheek.  “Are you still angry?”

She smiles, just a little.  “I was never angry Caspian.  But let’s not dwell on that, it is done.”

“It is done.” I agree.

“Coming to bed?”

“Not yet.”

She nods, seeming to understand.  “Good night my husband.”

“Good night my wife.”

We kiss and she glides off to bed, closing the door behind her.  I stare at the door for a time wondering what it must be like for her to have a husband without a tenth of the ambition that she had.  I hoped she was happy or at least content.  But how could she be?  The man she married was a man of action, a man of passion, a man of resolve, a man of unbreakable morality and bravery.  Not this coward who spent his days hidden away in his study.  My gaze returns to the window.  Not this coward who ran away from giants.

I stand tall and take deep breath.  Taking my sword belt and jacket from their hangers I prepare for another walk in the woods.

Chapter 4