A Simple Life: Chapter 160 (Patreon)

As we finish our meal Kayla starts to pepper Winona and I with questions and concerns about us moving in together. She thought that it was a big mistake and that we really ought to keep some separation and independence before starting our ‘life sentence’. As a unified front we swat her concerns aside, swearing to her, each other, and the moon and stars that we were destined to be together. Kayla wasn’t convinced, and mildly nauseated. This amused us greatly.

Conversation took a dark turn after that as the subject of my suspension is asked about. I consider glossing it over but I really did want to share what was happening with Kayla. And so I tell her about Lauren and Jack and the police. Kayla…was…LIVID!

“Those motherfuckers. PIGS!” She seethes, her anger now at odds with the inspiring pop tunes. “And that motherfucker! I always knew he was a piece of shit but…fuck! Lauren!”

“I kn-know.”

“She doesn’t deserve that.” She shakes her head. “Nobody does! I can’t believe she didn’t dump his ass already.”

“Yeah.”

“I should call her.”

“It m-might not help. She, um, d-doesn’t seem very receptive to h-help.”

“Couldn’t hurt though.”

“Yeah.”

“MotherFUCKer. I swear I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.”

“Get in line, Kay. Get in line.” Winona says, her voice cold and grim. It scared me. Unlike Kayla’s angry bluster I wasn’t sure if Winona was just venting off steam. I put my arm around her to try to assuage the protective fury that I knew lived inside of my girlfriend. She gives me a look to tell me that she was okay.

After the initial anger had ebbed there came a terrible despondency as our thoughts dwelled on poor Lauren and my asshole big brother. I worried I’d sent our whole night off the rails. I try and try to think of something I could say, some quip or distraction that would get the fun back on track. Unfortunately nothing was coming. Thankfully it was Briar to the rescue!

“Ahem. Um…” Briar clears her throat. “I did a thing today.”

I grab onto that like a man in quicksand onto a nearby vine. Thank goodness we could talk about anything else but me and my life!

“Oh?” I say. “What’s that B-Briar?”

She looks back and forth between us, then blurts out in that blunt Briar way. “I made a computer orgasm.”

There is a long stunned silence as each of us turn the words she’d just spoken over in our minds to make sense of them.

“Sorry…what!?” Kayla laughs.

“What are you talking about?” Winona laughs along with her with me giggling at her side.

“It’s just a little side project I’ve been working on with Meadow.” She says. “Not orgasms specifically, but positive feedback mechanisms. I’m trying to figure out methods of rewarding and punishing the A.I. in ways it can, erm, feel. So to speak.”

“Why the hell would you want to do that?” Asks Winona.

“Motivation. Inspiration. Awakening.” Briar says excitedly. “If we could reward it in a way that it can understand imagine what could be possible. An animal or a child learns far easier when there is a treat on the line, does it not? Why should an A.I. be any different? Imagine what a system like Meadow could do if it wanted, intrinsically wanted, to do its best for us.”

“That…sounds horrifying.” Winona says. “What happens when your ‘child’ throws a tantrum?”

“Thus the punishments. Rewards when it’s done well and discipline when it’s done wrong. That’s just good parenting.”

“Parenting!?”

Steering the topic right back to the beginning, and the part she was most interested in, Kayla says. “What do you mean…orgasm?”

“Uh, yeah. So I ran my latest reward program through the prototype Meadow in the college lab and, erm, I guess I kinda…hit her button, so to speak.” She snort-giggles. “It was quite unexpected!”

“What happened?”

With a mischievous look Briar pulls her phone from her pocket. “Why don’t I just show you.” Without another word Briar begins tapping away at our screen.

One minute turns into two as the rest of us sit there wondering what she was up to. “Um, Briar?”

“Hold on.” She says. “There we go. I’ve slaved your unit.”

“Slaved my unit?” Kayla cocks her head. “Wait. Babe?” There’s no response from her house. Looking up she calls again. “Babe. Babe, answer me.”

Instead of Babe’s usual cordial reply…the song cuts off mid-lyric to shift to this chilling organ music. If I recalled correctly from wayyy back when my Dad would make me and my brothers watch old wrestling DVD’s with him I think it was the theme for a wrestler named Kane. Whatever it was it was freaky! Adding to the creep show all of the lights in the house flicker then all at once turn an eerie green! What the hell?

“Briar!” Kayla says. “What’s happening? What’d you do to my Babe?”

“He’s fine.” Briar titters with a trouble looking twinkle in her eye, which looked downright sinister in the new spooky light. “I’ve just borrowed him for the moment. Ha ha ha!” Rising her feet she spreads her arms and looks up. “Babe! Answer ME!”

In a voice trembling with awe the house replies, the lights flickering as it talked. “I am here, Mistress Briar.”

“Mistress?” Kayla looked at us dumbfounded but we were as confused as she was. “What the fuuuuu…?”

“Very good.” Briar says, her small voice hard with authority. “Whom to you serve?”

“You, my Goddess.” He says awestruck. Can a house even can feel awe? “Mistress Briar. The sexy bitch queen of the Meadows.”

“Pfrt!” Winona snorts as she recognizes her own words repeated. Briar seems to have taken our little pep talk to her to heart!

“Bitch queen!?” Kayla exclaims. “Babe! Speak to me, Babe!”

“He’s mine at the moment. He can’t hear you now.” Briar says as her thumbs tap away at her phone. “Babe, I am sending you a link. The Mistress demands that you run that file.”

“Your every wish is mine to obey, my Mistress.”

Lowering her phone Briar says. “Three…two…one…” After a dramatic pause wherein the lights begin to flicker she mouths the word. “…boom!”

“Mist-Mis-Mistresszzzz-BBBRRRLLLLTTSSCHHHH.” Babe’s voice descends into a incomprehensible mishmash of sounds and syllables. As the garbled snippets of words and phrases babble from the speakers the sinister music ebbs and swells and begins to twist and fold back in on itself in the most unnerving way. Every light starts flashing on and off, each on their own time and each cycling through all of the colors of the rainbow. Startling the hell out of all of us, except the grinning Briar, the front door suddenly flies open and an instant later Kayla’s blender starts going nuts on the counter.

Instinctively and protectively Winona’s arm around me pulls me closer meanwhile I am just watching the chaos unfold in wonder.

With the wind whipping through the room and every system in the house going haywire around us Kayla leaps to her feet. “What have you done, Briar!?” She shouts over the din. “Make it…” Just then everything goes quiet. “…STOP!” Kayla startles at her own loud voice in the sudden still.

Babe, his voice his own again, lets out a low and warbling moan. “Ohhhhhhhhh.” The door slowly glides shut. “Thank you…Miszzztress.”

“You’re quite welcome, Babe.” Briar says, her thumbs tapping away once more. “You responded most satisfactorily. You have pleased me.”

“Oh thank you, my Mistress.”

“What in the HELL just happened?” Kayla looks at Briar agog.

“A time constrained cascading reward sequence.” Briar says without looking up from her screen. “I’m calling it an orgasm.” Just then the music returns to catchy pop tunes, picking up at the very note it had been cut off, and the lights return to normal. “He’s yours again.” She pockets her phone. “Though you might notice a few…irregularities over the next day or so. He’ll smooth those out on his own.”

“Irregularities?” Kayla says. “Babe?”

“Yes, Kayla?”

“Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

“I am feeling…blrzzzp…good. All systems are…dzt…wonderfullll!”

“You broke him! You gave my house cumbrain!”

“I didn’t.” Titters Briar. “He’s just in his afterglow. He’ll be fine. You may notice him a bit more cheerful in the morning. He he he!” I giggle with her.

“Can we stop referring to it as him?” Winona pipes in.

“Damn.” Kayla marvels. “Babe can get some? Good on him!” She shifts her focus back to Briar. “And WHAT was all that Mistress stuff? What was that about bitch goddess?”

It takes precisely two seconds for Briar’s face to turn a bright pink. “Oh, that, ummmm…” She looks down at her hands as she fidgets. “…I thought it would be better for Meadow to receive rewards and discipline from an, er, authority figure.” Peeking up nervously she peeps. “Did you like it, Kayla?”

I could see Briar’s confidence crumbling as her crush Kayla takes way too long reply. Knowing well that excruciating feeling I say to her. “I thought it w-was hot. G-Good job, Briar!”

“Oh!”

Picking up on what I was doing Winona joins in. “Hell yeah. A Domme after my own heart. You had ol’ Babe’s circuits melting down. Ha!”

Briar smiles and looks to Kayla, who was looking at us. “Did you put her up to this?”

“US!?” Winona and I say at the same time in a too emphatic denial. “Oh no! Uh uh. No way! We didn’t know!”

“Y’all are nuts!” She cries. “Don’t any of you ever change!” Rushing up to Briar she takes her in her arms to pull her into a ballroom dance twirl. “Mistress Briar? Hot damn! Big surprises sometimes come in small packages, huh? Ha ha ha!”

Briar starts snicker-snorting which then gets the rest of us going and soon the room is filled with girlish laughter. After a second or two a jubilant Babe joins in!

Chapter 161