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I don't know how to start other than to say thank you for coming with me along this journey.


It's been a hard year for me. I've had a few close calls with suicide, last week was the closest I've ever been to just veering into oncoming traffic. I honestly don't know why I didn't, but anyway; I have achieved so far, so much, so quickly and its because I have a genuine love for Sarah, and all her friends, everything I do is just so much fun, and so emotional.

This ultimately has nothing to do with whats going on with pixiv deciding to cuck itself to visa/mastercard and commit seppuku upon realization of just how much of their site is loli, but it certainly put things into perspective once I had a think to myself, I realized what I have to do.

I want to be better, I've learned so many skills with the great friends I've made. I don't want to continue fanbox. My work is garbage, but I can appreciate that I've gotten better and still am going to keep getting better.


I will still be on baraag, pixiv main and rule34hentai, or any other place that will have me.


I will still be making content and I can still be commissioned, It will be via crypto only because I am trying to limit my exposure to any kind of official eyes.

The reality of everything is most of what we do is still lolis, and the world just isn't ready for that sometimes; Even though in my opinion, it's better for people to look at lolis than anything real.



So for now, everything is done. You don't need to support me with your money, if you want to support me, my baraag is https://baraag.net/@spike4379 and that is the first place I post things I make. I am a person that enjoys making this at my own pace, so please say hello, it lets me know you all still like it. Being an artist is a lonely and horrible experience. Every single one of you that has contacted me has been like you're expecting a stuck up egotist of some kind that you have to fondle the balls of.

I'm not like that.


I am a bit all over the place with this so I am sorry, as you can probably tell its a bit emotional, its been eleven years since I last cried and writing this, as well as making this photo for some reason has upset me.


I didn't start this fanbox for money, even though it fucking exploded so fast, and I just can't keep taking that money; I love what I do, I love bringing out the emotions in Sarah, those beautiful eyes and that fucking smile, it makes me happy, and that isn't going to change. I may come back to this after I figure everything out, make a plan for my future.



If you want a commission, send me a message.


I think I've prattled on enough, I'm cooking fried rice tonight. I wish I could invite you all over.



Thank you for reading and giving me your time.


I have much love for the kindness you have all shown me.



Spike








P.S After calming down. I just don't know what I'm going to fucking do, if I go mainstream and do normie stuff on patreon maybe this could be viable for me to quit everything else and live off fanbox patreon. I don't know. I need some time.



NOT DELETING THINGS. IM BEING A BITCH. Just need time


















Comments

Anonymous

Much love to you. If you ever want to talk to someone who's been there, or even just need an ear, you can always message me. <3

Yogensha

First of all, your work is great. Secondly, if you do something like that again I'll kick your ass :) And third, no need to go scorched earth on everything just yet, wait til you have a calm mind and we actually know the details of things. Depression can make you see the world as a dark and anxious place, I know. But you should focus on the people that appreciate you as much as you can.

Anonymous

We all have our demons to fight, and I'm glad you have been coming out on top. I'll be supporting you here as long as you keep fanbox, and continue follow you on baraag. Take care and stay strong Amigo.

Yogensha

And - if you need someone to talk to and chill with, I am always open. I follow on Baraag already, but will send you my Discord via message too.

Yogensha

Just saw your P.S - there are more platforms than fanbox that allow this stuff. SubscribeStar, Fantia, Nijie, Ci-en, is who I can think of from the top of my head. First one allows uncensored, the other 4 you will need to link to uncensored versions somewhere, much like fanbox, theoretically.

Rabom8989

That was heartfelt sir Spike. Thank you for your time and service here. It may be over here on pixiv fanbox, but it isn't over on other platforms. I'll keep in touch with you on baraag!!

Anonymous

Baraag is very limiting since its now a closed site that wont let people make accounts

spike4739

Well fuck. that I didn't know. great... another thing to see what I can do to get around it. thanks for letting me know I had no idea

spike4739

Thank you dude. Yeah it's just a bit tough and I'm trying to get every thing in order. I appreciate that

lawdcookie

It is said that a creative mind is plagued by instability, considering your work and what we all have gone through these last few years i can understand why you are having dark thoughts. Just remember that even though the whole worlds just wants to piss on us you still have fans that appreciate the work that you do 🥰 Btw if you are gonna kill your self please don't do something like veering into incomming traffic and maim or kill someone who had nothing to do with you.

Anonymous

It's been a tough year, in a series of tough years. But we're gonna be okay. All we need to do is take a collective deep breath, calm down, and keep going.

Anonymous

I'd like to commission some work. How should I contact you? you can contact me on telegram truethugmc

Anonymous

Fried rice sounds pretty awesome right about now