More Gura~ (Pixiv Fanbox)

Woah, more shark! I was supposed finish this one another day, but I wanted to include it in this month's uncensored pack so I moved my schedule a bit~ Speaking of that, I'll post the packs for May, June and July tomorrow! I want to try giving the packs in a normal post and the password for them in a Newsletter post the next day, to see if that works. We're all still figuring out the best way to do this after all. Also, as I said in the last Gura post, the files and stuff will be posted after all 5 Guras are done~ P.S. This'll be a long monologue. Yes, I'm putting it in a Gura post, why. It doesn't deserve it's own post. Lately I've been feeling pretty down about my art career and my worth as an artist. I'm getting old (speaking as a true 90yo person here, I'm still pretty young) and I haven't made anything notable or amazing yet. All I left behind me until now are a bunch of failed, bad personal projects. No participation in any series, games, books, big projects... or any project for that matter. But I don't have the right to complain, this is 100% my own fault. Soon, something that I really, really, REALLY wanted to work on will release, that being episodes 1070 and onwards from the One Piece anime. As you know (or maybe not), I'm a freelance 2d animator. Maybe not the best one out there yet, but I can hold my ground pretty decently. Case is, in order to participate on that I would've had to apply with some months in anticipation. And I was very close to doing so, back around December I started putting together a new demo reel with my best works to specifically apply to Toei as a freelance animator. I didn't care what my job would've been, even as a clean up artist would suffice, I just wanted to contribute something to at least one of these next episodes. Unfortunately... I backed out mid way and didn't end up sending my demo reel. I was too afraid, my insecurity won again. The chances of getting picked woud've probably been from none to zero considering how many people from all over the world applied around those dates for the same reason, but now I will never know. I will forever deeply regret not even trying, it was a once in a lifetime chance and I missed it just like that... That wasn't the first time something like that happened, but it's the strongest one by far and has been a painful turning point that makes me feel worst and worst every day. These past 2 months these feelings have been increasing exponentially, making me try to push and overwork myself more and more. Another similar opportunity could come up at any time. Could be next week, maybe next year. I want to at least be confident enough on my work and skills when the time comes so I don't waste and regret any other chance ever again. This month I've been working 15 to 18 hours almost every day (this is what we call the true animator experience) and I still feel it's not enough. But I hardly can do much more at this point, so at least I'll try to keep the grind up for as long as I can. That would be all. If you reached this point, thanks for reading my sad and pathetic monologue. I usually try to keep it silly and lighthearted, but I felt this was a relevant thing to share.