A small story today~ (Pixiv Fanbox)

Hi everyone~ ShizumiHanako here~

How are everyone doing? All good and eat well?

So here's my today story:

First of all, I'm apologise to annouce to everyone that new story will be delayed until 1st May, since I usually don't feel really well so I skipped class in the morning and decided to have a check-up in the hospital today.

I went to the General Examination Department, the doctor gave me some tests through out my body, he asked some questions and want me to answer honestly.

"Have you eaten well lately?" - "No, I skipped meal sometimes due to works, study and drawing."

"What do you usually eat when or after you finish work?" - "I usually have instant noodles everytime, sometimes, I order fast food."

"Did you ever think of exercise?" - "I tried to but no time allow me to."

And finally, he ended up with a joke "I suprised that you still alive until now." and he gave me some advices on provide more nutrition and go to bed early.

I thought it was only that until the doctor in that Department suggested me to go to The Psychiatry Department, and have a free check-up on my mental states.

I did it as he said, and after some other tests in there, the result is..

I am having.. depression..

Overwork, stay up late, not look after myself, insecure, push yourself too much,..

In fact, I already knew that I'm having depression but I didn't care about it as long as I didn't think about.. yeah.. I sometimes hit myself hard, told others to f**k off and then tried to hold my emotions.. It keep on stacking and repeating over time

In the end, before I leave, the doctor said I shouldn't do that and try to lower what causing you too much stress.

I can do it, of course, it was easy. I just need to balance everything, that's fine.

And I arrived home at 1:30pm, I got art class at 2:00 - 4:00.

Last week, I spent a bit time every day for practicing.

From Monday to Sunday, with a dream and goal that I could draw manga for everyone. I kept myself happy to think of that moment.

I was flying too high.

..Until today..

My teacher told me that "These practices were not good. You were just rushing over it. Because you gave me these, it's like a rough sketch, not a practice and you are disrespecting me. So.. until next week, if you can't create your own character using your own imagination and what you studied in the last 3 weeks, you will be on your own! I will move on and left you behind."

What he said, it was all true.

I was giving myself a high expectation.. again.. I was too confident in my practices.. it went bad and I didn't know it.

And that time, all I felt is despair.. depression came and knock inside.. I put my head into the blanket, punching myself over.. and over.. after the lesson end.

What kept me going until now? Why did I just depressed, wanted to give up but then, still pick up the pen and drawn?

I just can't give up now.. I would be a coward, right? Just think that other artists also the same when they started so why the hell should I gave up now?

I drawn for everyone, I follow what I inspired.

I will try.. to practice again later tonight when I felt calm enough and then continue to work. But of course, still look after myself like the doctor said.

Next story, will be skinsuit and I did try to make it~

If anything wrong, please let me know so that I can improve it in the story~

Thank you everyone for hearing my story~

Thank you everyone for your huge support~

And stay tuned for more stories next month~