肉練習　雑記eng　♯1616 (Pixiv Fanbox)

練習φ(*ﾟωﾟ´*)

昔利用され裏切られ酷い経験をしたことがあるわけだけど

最近そいつの別アカウントの絵が色々なところで流れてきて辛い💦

RTオフ程度じゃ防げない。

眠っていた憎悪が目を覚ましそう、夢にも出てくる。

また居場所を奪われるんじゃないかと恐れている。

でも悔しいことに相変わらずめちゃくちゃ上手いしすごく好きな絵だ。

目標だと思える、複雑な心境。

私とその人とのトラブルを知らない人には神絵師にしかみえないだろう。

だから私が何を言っても知らない人には虚言に聞こえるだろうし、そんな事するわけないと私が非難されるだけ、絵描きの世界は上手い人が絶対正義なのだから。

それに私もこの人にこんな酷いことされました！なんて事もう言いたくないのである。

狭い界隈で人間関係でもめると大変だ…和解しない限り近くにいるからずっと憎しみが消えない。8年経ったけどどうしても許すことは出来ない。

でも昔のような殺意はもう感じない。

それで良いのかもしれない( ˘ω˘ )

Practice φ(*ﾟωﾟ´*)

You know, I've been used, betrayed, I've had some terrible experiences in my life.

I've been having a hard time seeing his other account's drawings in various places lately 💦.

A degree of RT off is not going to prevent it.

The hatred I've been sleeping with is about to wake up, even in my dreams.

I'm afraid I'm going to be deprived of my place again.

But, frustratingly, it's still insanely good and I like the picture very much.

I think it's a goal, a complicated feeling.

To those who don't know about my troubles with that person, they'll see me as a god-painter.

So whatever I say will sound like a lie to people who don't know me, and they will just accuse me of not doing such a thing, because in the world of painters, the good ones are the absolute righteous ones.

And I've had this guy do this terrible thing to me too! What I don't want to say anymore.

It's hard when you get into relationships in small circles...unless you reconcile, the hatred will always be there.

It's been 8 years and I just can't forgive him.

But I don't feel the same murderous intent anymore as I used to.

Maybe that's okay ( ˘ω˘ )

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)