チラ裏　反省　 Eng ♯1339 (Pixiv Fanbox)

全力で頑張ってるつもりの時に努力が足りないとか、気持ちで負けてると言われると

平常心を保つのは難しいですよね💦

このような事は過去にも何度もありました( ˘ω˘ )

言葉は正しい事でも簡単にナイフになってしまいます。

10年ほど前、絵を厚塗りに移行しようとしてた時

どれだけ無理な努力をしても中々結果が出ずに

精神的に追い込まれていた時期がありました。

友人はあっさり厚塗り移行して私はとてつもなく焦っていました。

それはもう幻覚を見るほどで、寝ても起きても絵のことばかりで自分の才能の無さを呪い過剰といえる努力をしたものです。

そんな時私の部屋に遊びに来た母に悩みを打ち明けたら

「努力がたり無いんじゃないの、もっと頑張ればいいじゃん」と言われ

「これ以上どうすればいいの？殺すつもり？」

と言い返してしまいました😂

母は単純に励まそうとしただけだったけど、私がそれを受け止められる状態じゃなかったんですね。

ていうか母がなんと言えば私は満足したんでしょうね…。

困った奴ですまったく。

生みの苦しみというのは創作経験の無い人にはまず理解できない物です。

常にそれを念頭に置かないと、人の言葉を受け流せず感情的になり傷ついたりします。

相談するならその道で自分より先を行っている人にしましょう。

出来ればそこまで追い詰められるほどの無理はしないほうがいいです。

追いつめられると正常な判断が出来なくなるので。

全て私自身に向けた言葉です(´;ω;`)ﾉ

昨日も心配してくれた人に少し厳しい言い方をしてしまったので反省してます。

もちろんちゃんと謝罪しました💦

When you think you're doing your best, when you think you're doing your best, you're told you're not trying hard enough, or that you're losing your mind.

It's hard to maintain a sense of normalcy 💦.

This has happened many times in the past ( ˘˘˘ )

Words can easily turn into knives, even when they are the right thing to do.

About 10 years ago, when I was trying to transition my painting to thicker paint.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get any results.

There was a time when I was in a mental tailspin.

My friend easily moved on to thicker paint and I was in a tremendous hurry.

I was in such a hurry that I had hallucinations, and I cursed my lack of talent and made an excessive effort to stay awake and paint.

At that time, my mother came to visit me in my room and I told her of my troubles.

He said, "You're not trying hard enough, you should try harder.

'What more can I do? Are you going to kill me?

I said back 😂.

My mother was simply trying to encourage me, but I wasn't in a position to take it.

I mean, what could my mother say that would have satisfied me....

He's a total pain in the ass.

The pain of birth is something that people who don't have experience in creating something cannot understand.

If you don't keep that in mind at all times, you won't be able to take people's words into consideration, and you'll become emotional and hurtful.

If you're going to talk to someone, talk to someone who is ahead of you in their field.

If possible, don't push yourself so hard that you can't push yourself that far.

You won't be able to make normal decisions when you're overtaken.

All of this is directed at myself...(´;ω;`)

I'm sorry for being a bit harsh on the people who worried about me yesterday.

Of course I apologized properly 💦.