チラ裏　ビワ雑記　Eng♯1266 (Pixiv Fanbox)

私がツイッター等で時々話題にしていたビワです。

雨がやんだら収穫しようと思っていたら鳥や蜂にやられて30個くらい駄目になってしまったけど50個は収穫できました (´◡`)

このビワは10年以上前に誰かがまいた種からここまで大きくなりました。

私が戻ってきた頃は1､5m程の小さい木だったけど、周囲の蔦を何日もかけて取り、除草剤をまいて不要な植物を枯らし、花が咲いてからもずっと虫がつかないように世話をしていました。ここ2年で4mまで急成長しついに実をつけました。

高い位置に実が成ってしまったのでキャタツに長バサミを使い豪雨の中収穫しました🦁✨

ここまでは良いです！

木のお世話も何もしてない母が近所の人や親族に配りまくり私の手元には6粒しか残りませんでした。私は皆に配ってねなんて言っていません。

でも「○○さんにあげてくるわ～、姉の家にもっていくね」と言われたら

断ることが出来ません。

正直それについて私は腹を立てています。

私は近所の人や親族の世話になっていないですし、何故私の育てたビワをあげないといけないのかわかりません。

世話もしていない母が当然のごとく権利を主張してくるのが理解できないのです。

私としても全部一人で食べるつもり等毛頭無く、親兄妹にあげるつもりでした。

近所に配りたいと言うなら別に何も言うつもりも無かったです。

しかし私にどれくらい配る等の相談も無く勝手にほとんど配ってしまった事実に腹を立てているのです。

母は配って感謝されさぞ気分が良かったでしょうが、私は苦労して育てた収穫の殆どを勝手に奪われてしまったような気分です。

私は母を愛してますが、このように他人を優先しすぎるあまり自分や家族をないがしろにする所は苦手です。

ちなみに母は1000万親族に騙し取られた事があり

兄弟から詐欺にあったこともあります。

しかもそれで悔しいとか返して欲しいとか思ってない。

良く言えばお人好し、悪く言えば思考停止人間。

そして私が何か言うと母は反論できず落ち込んでしまいます。

だから私も何もいえない。

書いてて思うのです

私って心が狭いなって (*´ο`*)=3

シャーマンキングだったら強くなれないタイプの人間かもしれないですね…ｗ

私は筋の通らない納得の出来ないことを無視することが出来ません。

何も言わなければ来年も同じように収穫を奪われる可能性もあります。

この事を母に伝えるべきか否か

優しい伝え方は無いかを考え中です😖

追記、こうして言語化したことによりどうでもよくなりました (´◡`)

来年はもっといっぱい採集できるようにがんばろ！

These are loquat that I've been talking about sometimes on Twitter and so on.

I was going to harvest them when the rain stopped, but birds and bees got me about 30 loaves but I was able to harvest 50 loaves (◡`).

This loquat has grown so much from a seed someone had sown over 10 years ago.

When I came back, it was a small tree, about a meter or so, but I spent days getting rid of the ivy around it and herbicide. I've been taking care of it by spreading it around, killing unwanted plants and keeping it free of insects long after it had flowered. In the last two years, it grew up to 4m tall and finally bore fruit.

I harvested them in a heavy rain, using a long pair of scissors to harvest them 🦁✨✨

So far so good!

My mother, who doesn't take care of the trees or anything, hands them out to all the neighbors and relatives, leaving me with only six grains. It was. I didn't tell them to give them out to everyone.

But if you say, "I'm going to give it to Mr. _______ - I'm going to take it to my sister's house,

I can't say no.

Honestly I am angry about it.

I don't take care of my neighbors and relatives and I don't know why I should give them the loquat I raised.

I don't understand why my mother, who doesn't take care of me, is claiming her rights as she should.

I had no intention of eating them all by myself and was going to give them to my parents and siblings.

I was going to give them to my parents and siblings. If they wanted to give them away to their neighbors, I wasn't going to say anything.

But she was angry at the fact that she gave out almost all of them without consulting me about how much she wanted to give out.

My mother must have been grateful and must have felt good, but I feel as if most of the harvest I have worked so hard to grow was taken away from me without my permission.

I love my mother, but I'm not good at this kind of neglecting of myself and my family in order to put others first.

By the way, my mother was cheated out of 10 million dollars by her relatives once.

I've been scammed by my siblings.

And I don't feel sorry for it or want it back.

At best, I'm a goody-two-shoes, and at worst, I'm a thoughtless person.

My mother's risk-taking behavior makes me feel irresistibly insecure because she is the exact opposite of me.

And when I say something, she can't argue with me and gets depressed.

So I can't say anything either.

I think about it when I write.

I'm so small-minded.

If he was the Shaman King, he might not be the type of person who could be strong...

I can't ignore things I don't agree with that don't make sense.

If I don't say anything, I could be deprived of the same harvest next year.

I don't know if I should tell my mother about this.

I'm trying to think of a gentle way to tell you this😖

P.S. It doesn't matter now that I've verbalized it this way (◡`)

Let's try to collect more next year!