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Rumiko and young master (Pixiv Fanbox)

Published:
2021-04-20 15:25:48
Edited:
2023-03-22 07:40:53
Imported:

Content

thank you for proofreading！

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Comments

Anonymous

"Whenever he [wants]." Should be wants. "This swimsuit was [chosen] for me by [the] young master." Should be Chosen not chose and a 'the' is needed before young master. "Do you wanna fuck [] Rumiko?" 'With' is not needed.

CarameLatte

If Rumiko is speaking formally. It would probably read a bit better if you change these: "This one was chose for me by young master." to "This one was chosen for me by the young master." "Don't mind that it's slipping out. It's his order." To maybe "Do not mind that it is slipping out. It is the masters orders." "Sir, you can't be so rude to the employees. Let's go to our room." to "The young master should not be rude to the employees. Let us go to our room." Then the young masters text, "Do you wanna fuck with Rumiko?" It sounds like messing with Rumiko rather than having sex. So it would be better to leave it as "Do you wanna fuck Rumiko?"

Anonymous

"I have to have sex with my young master whenever he want." I'd change it to: "I have to have sex with the young master whenever he wants." She doesn't own him, he owns her. “Wants” is for use with singular third person pronouns — she wants, he wants. “Want” is for singular first and second person pronouns, such as “I” and “you” "This one was chose for me by young master." should be "This one was chosen for me by the young master." I'm not sure if it should be Young Master or left uncapitalized, since it's being used like a title. "Don't mind that it's slipping out. It's his order" I'd make it more formal, like this: "Please excuse that my areola are slipping out. That is also the young master's order." But even then, "Don't mind that they're slipping out. It's his order" to leave the same sentence, since there are atleast two aerola, or many pubic hairs.

Anonymous
>>1764535

You can remove the "with" in "fuck with Rumiko." "You want to have sex with Rumiko?" or "You want to fuck Rumiko?" he could even be possessive, and say "You want to fuck my Rumiko?"

あまくち

NTRじゃないけど嫉妬勃起で悶々とするぅ～♥(店員目線)

scorpionius

Nice! Loving these shota pics!

abubu-nownanka
>>1764740

どもっす。クソガキは読者の存在も想定した煽りを加えて来るべきなのではないかと思いました。

まっつー

あぶぶさんが描く肉付きのいい女は他と一線を画す・・・いつも息子がお世話になっております

ろくいち

クソ…なんでこんなガキの接客しなきゃいけないんだ…毛はみださせるなんていい趣味してんじゃねぇか…

illust39

ヤらせてくださいっorz