A Job for this Useless Goddess - Part 01 (Patreon)

While walking to the guild hall, Aqua thought back to the note which Kazuma had unceremoniously left on her sleeping face.

“I can’t continue to support a useless, alcoholic, lazy goddess. Get off your ass and go find some work or you’ll be sleeping outside.”

The quest money had run out. 

Aqua had drank away her share of the profits and there wasn’t a scrap of food left in the house as a result. She dusted off her skirt and straightened her bow and hoped to god that an easy quest was available that she could do alone.

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing that an archpriest could safely handle without at least one other party member to assist you. Someone has to drag the corpse back home, you see.”

Since it came to this, she did have one final weapon of last resort up her sleeve. The tears of a goddess were powerful things and she knew full well that making herself as pathetic as possible did often yield good results. The sight of a grown woman bawling and having a tantrum in public was certainly not beneath her as she raised her balled fists in preparation.

“Rather than take a quest, why don’t you take on a part time job? We have a new opening at the guildhall restaurant.”

Aqua lowered her fists and leaned forward intently.

“After the whole...flooding the town incident...you and your party caused, we had to rebuild using the money which would have been given to your party. That included hiring a bunch of new staff. Unfortunately, a lot of them seem to be Axis City devotees to the goddess Aqua who has recently decreed that their goddess is opposed to wasting any sort of food. This also includes charity and over indulgence as a measure of piety.”

The goddess Aqua had not recalled making any such decrees, but decided to roll with it because it sounded profound. The smug smile she wore on her face would have been confusing to the guild master had she bothered to take notice.

“So, I’m sure you can appreciate the conundrum we have here. To be a profitable business we need to ensure a variety of foods are available to order. Many of them take a lot of time to prepare before we even open our doors, but not all of it gets sold. As such, your job would be to help around the kitchen and deliver orders but also to ensure that any excess were taken care of.”

This sounded all far too good to be true! Free food AND money? Truly this was divine intervention if there ever was a finer example. 

“When do I start?” Aqua beamed.

“You can start right now if you like.”

The guild master tossed her an apron and led her into the back room. Smells and flavours of all manners of food washed over her senses.

The new chefs and waitresses all had a distinctly ‘intense’ kind of stare to them as they watched Aqua walk through the kitchen. Many of them seemed to have piles of application forms for the Church of Aqua hidden on their person, which their hands instinctively seemed to hover towards. Little did they know that it was their Goddess who was going to be testing them that afternoon.

“Alright, bring me all your unsold wares and your finest bottle of alcohol! I’ll show you how to live up to your Goddess’ decree!”

Aqua knew the intensity her followers had for her and if they wanted to catch up to her, they would have to run. She wasted no time making demands one after the other as she gobbled down each uneaten plate of food that was put before her. The end of the shift meant that she only had to go through at least half a dozen dishes and two bottles of wine which was something akin to a reasonable feast. By the end of it all, she felt quite stuffed but well within her limits. So impressed by the display were her followers that they advanced her a little money for her piety and devotion. It was hardly a dent in her cumulative debt, but at least she could buy groceries and earn the right to be let back in.

Kazuma and the others were quite impressed that her first day had gone so well. Expecting a show of tears and whiny excuses, they were shocked to see Aqua simply deposit the bags of food on the table before politely excusing herself to her room. Collapsing back into bed almost as soon as she came home, the other members of the party were equally surprised that she had slept right through dinner. Aqua awoke the following morning, absolutely ravenous but more excited than ever to begin her next day of work.

“Free food, free worship and all the booze I can drink! Maybe i’ll quit being an adventurer for a while and let them appreciate my absence! We’ll see how useless they are without me!”