The Life Of Brian (285lb Musclebear) (Patreon)

My name's Brian, and I'm a 285 pound, 6'1" tall musclebear living just outside of bustling New York City. My burly physique sports 23 inch biceps, a 60 inch chest, 22 inch neck, 36 inch quads, and size 12 feet. As a strongman coach, I spend my action-packed days training eager athletes on techniques like heavy timber carries across shoulders, steel frame pull-overs requiring full body power, flipping massive tractor tires end over end, and lifting colossal stones up to waist height. My life revolves around pushing the body to extreme limits and embracing the intense grind required to achieve peak functional strength. But away from the testosterone-fueled competition floor, I have a wide range of passions that bring me great joy and balance. 

Reading has been a lifelong love ever since my mother nurtured a voracious appetite for books in me as a child through classic tales like Charlotte's Web, Where the Wild Things Are, and later The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Today I always have my nose buried in a thought-provoking book during downtime, whether it's at home in my leather armchair by the fireplace or relaxing under a shady tree at the park. I'm a sucker for suspenseful Stephen King page-turners that keep me awake at night with jittery excitement, as well as expansive fantasy epics by Brandon Sanderson, Patrick Rothfuss, and George R.R. Martin that allow me to lose myself in intricately crafted fictional realms. Historical non-fiction also provides illuminating perspective into the past, whether it's memoirs by celebrity chefs like Gordon Ramsay giving behind-the-scenes restaurant insight or Pulitzer-winning biographies of monumental yet flawed figures like Alexander Hamilton and Martin Luther King Jr. Reading deeply transports me to so many fascinating times, far-off places, and varied points of view - it consistently leaves me feeling just a little bit wiser than before.

When it comes to music, I consider myself immensely lucky to have personally experienced so many groundbreaking eras and genres throughout the decades first-hand. My classic rock-loving parents raised me in the 1970s on seminal records from psychedelic pioneers like Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, and Queen that really opened my young eyes to the sheer artistry and creativity music could achieve. Once I got my very first Sony Walkman in the 80s, I became utterly obsessed with the surge of alternative and grunge rock in the 1990s, a genre that spoke directly to the angst and disillusionment of my generation. Game-changing bands like Nirvana, Radiohead, Pearl Jam, and Smashing Pumpkins expressed the raw introspection and anti-establishment ethos of the era. Seeing Radiohead perform their masterpiece OK Computer album live in concert back in 1997 goes down as one of the most emotive and seminal life moments for me to this day. Lead singer Thom Yorke's haunting vocals on songs like "Karma Police" and "No Surprises" sent actual shivers down my spine and tears to my eyes. 

As I've grown older, my musical tastes remain staunchly eclectic based on my mood. I frequently bounce between gruff rap from Kendrick Lamar infused with old school jazz, soulful folk anthems by Bon Iver overflowing with falsetto yearning, and high-energy pop hits from Lady Gaga or Harry Styles that I can't resist singing along to at full volume. Discovering the French dance music duo Daft Punk back in the 2000s importantly opened my mind to genuinely appreciating the craftsmanship of electronic music and the dazzling ways technology could be incorporated to transform sound. Their albums Discovery and Random Access Memories are electronic masterpieces. But make no mistake, classic rock from icons like The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Bruce Springsteen will always hold the most cherished place in my heart. Just last year, I fulfilled a bucket list dream taking my aged dad to see The Rolling Stones live in concert together. We sang along to every lyric, reminisced about better days gone by, and rocked out like we were teenagers again - it was such a bonding memory I'll always treasure. Truly phenomenal music requires vulnerability, creativity, and visceral passion from the artists - it's the rare force that emotionally bonds us all together even during these harshly polarizing times.

Beyond just leisure at home, nothing beats the exhilaration, insight, and rush of traveling the world and fully immersing myself in new cultures and lifestyles vastly different from my own. Backpacking solo through Europe directly after college stands out as a pivotal rite of passage experience that opened my perspectives wider than I could have imagined. Exploring the glamorous centuries-old cafes, boutiques, and romantic bridges set along the River Seine gave me an intoxicating taste of Parisian joie de vivre. Basking in Hyde Park on a rare warm London afternoon, hearing Big Ben chime nearby, and gazing upon Westminster Abbey and the Houses of Parliament impressed upon me the profound weight of history's influence on society today. And sampling Sieva's exquisite homemade tiramisu inside a tucked-away trattoria, one of Venice's hundred hidden Italian gems, demonstrated how life's simplest pleasures are often the most satisfying.

Each European city unveiled distinct shades of beauty waiting to be discovered, forcing me to acknowledge how much more existed beyond my comfortable American suburban upbringing. As an openly gay man still struggling for confidence in my identity at the time, exploring Berlin's famously decadent LGBT nightclubs and cabarets built a sense of community I had never felt before. I also loved soaking up the infectious humor, warmth, and welcoming spirit of the locals nearly everywhere I trekked. Even fleeting interactions, like debating English football versus Italian calcio with some gregarious old timers in an Irish pub, or haggling in broken Spanish over fresh produce at a bustling Barcelona food market, left me feeling connected and invested. Voyaging alone forced me out of my comfort zone in the most constructive way. I returned home with greatly expanded horizons, renewed self-assurance, and insatiable wanderlust still begging to be sated.

These days, I still try to take at least one big international trip annually, along with impromptu weekend getaways domestically whenever my hectic schedule permits. So far, I've been fortunate enough to visit over 30 mesmerizing countries across 6 continents and counting. My highlights include hiking amongst emerald cloud forests, ancient Incan ruins, and crumbling monasteries perched precariously along the Andes Mountains in Peru. I've explored Bali's elaborate Hindu temples and aromatic jasmine rice terraces. On an epic African safari, I encountered majestic lions, elephants, giraffes, and more wildlife up close in their natural habitats. But honestly, even just meandering aimlessly with no set plans through New Delhi's cacophonous open-air bazaars or the twisting cobblestone medieval passages of Rothenburg, Germany continues to fill me with a deep sense of wonder and joy at the planet's sheer diversity. Wherever I may roam, connecting with local people from vastly different backgrounds and tapping into their unique lived experiences always feels like the most enriching gift travel offers me. I truly can't imagine going a whole year now without globetrotting, continuing my ongoing self-education through unrelenting curiosity and presence.

As much as I cherish frequent far-flung adventures, I'm equally passionate about staying engaged with and trying to make a positive impact within my own community back home. I volunteer with several local LGBTQ advocacy organizations, whether it's helping organize awareness events and fundraisers or just showing my pride by marching in parades. I also serve on the community board of a non-profit dedicated to environmental conservation, mobilizing residents around projects like litter clean-ups in the park down the street or planting trees to revitalize dilapidated city blocks. After dealing first-hand with the profound isolation and confusion of coming out in my teens, I now sponsor and mentor at-risk gay youths who need experienced guidance and reassurance they are not alone. And in terms of politics, I do whatever I can to drive progress on the critical issues I care about, from human rights to health care reform. That may mean donating to causes, canvassing door-to-door, attending protests, or calling representatives daily - I take action wherever possible.

While some observers still tend to superficially stereotype overtly masculine muscleheads as conservative, I actively aim to subvert those assumptions. My inner strength stems not just from physical prowess, but also from speaking my truths and fighting tirelessly for justice, especially for marginalized communities. I firmly believe that to avoid hypocrisy, we must use whatever social influence and privilege we hold to empower those denied it and raise all voices. Instead of judging others, I strive to approach people with radical openness, empathy, and compassion. Often simply taking the time to listen, understand, find common ground, and peacefully coexist can be the greatest catalyst for change. There is always more work to be done collectively building a just, equitable society of mutual understanding. But we all possess power in ways big and small, and progress starts with recognizing and leveraging our own.  

On the romantic front, I've found dating as a single, middle-aged gay musclebear presents its own unique challenges. At bars or on the endless apps, I seem to attract two extremes - either flamboyant twinky fem guys who fetishize and objectify my imposing stature, treating me more like a fantasy than a full person, or fellow super-buff bearmode gym rats who turn every conversation into competitive banter about max weight lifted and protein powders. While flattering at face value, after years I now desire something much more aligned with my introspective, cerebral sensibilities. 

The right life partner for me has depth and self-awareness beyond just hulking brawn, sexual bravado, or casual fun between the sheets. In my past relationships that ultimately didn't last, there was always an intense physical and sexual spark at first drawing us quickly together. But soon enough, it became clear we simply struggled connecting on a deeper intellectual, emotional, even spiritual level once conversations moved beyond the superficial or physical. I felt unseen, unknown. Other partners found themselves intimidated, somehow threatened or emasculated by my size and outward alpha energy rather than feeling protected. 

What I believe I'm seeking at this stage of my journey is a truly confident, self-assured man who knows himself deeply and thus won't flinch at my soulful sensitivity so at odds with my muscular exterior. An old soul who gets my many quirks and contradictions. Someone to have meandering conversations with under the stars about art, quantum physics, or the true meaning of life until sunrise and still want more. A kindhearted but strong willed man who appreciates simplicity, imperfection, and finds magic in the everyday. Maybe seeking such a thoughtful, down-to-earth guy seems unrealistic considering my beastly bulk. But putting our authentic needs out there into the universe is the only way to attract the love we truly deserve. For now, I'm enjoying meeting new dates through unexpected avenues and sharing my offbeat passions for food, film, music, culture, and ideas with them. We're often surprised by how much common ground exists once you peel back superficial shells. While Mr. Right has yet to arrive, I continue growing and learning with each fleeting human connection.

At the end of the day, what fills my spirit most is simply finding small ways to use my particular gifts to ease suffering and spread more light. Coaching others to build bodily strength inevitably builds their confidence that carries far beyond the gym walls. Volunteering connects me to incredible people from wildly diverse walks of life, embedding the truth that we're all one. Books provide infinite escape and wisdom. Cross-cultural travel repeatedly reveals just how much beauty there is to experience across humanity. Soul-stirring music and art offer brief transcendent glimpses of our boundless creative potential. Bravely sharing my truths allows other closeted souls to feel less alone on their journey. We all have more power than we realize to sow more peace and joy.

While I may appear visually like a hulking, menacing musclebear on the outside, there are endless layers underneath if you take the time to look. Softness, nerdiness, vulnerability, intuition, sensitivity. A longing to understand ourselves. To help others feel safe enough to bloom into who they fully are. And to encourage them to embrace their own complexities, quirks, fears, and truths as well. Each of us contains entire universes within if we have the courage to search internally. 

This journey has no final destination, only lessons along the way. I'm still that wide-eyed kid discovering the world and myself for the first time every single day. Growing gradually wiser and more compassionate with each stumble. Forgiving myself and others more readily for simply being imperfect works in progress. There will always be greater heights of understanding left to scale. But real lasting fulfillment stems from relishing each breathtaking view, sharing genuine laughs and tears, reaching the top inch by inch together. 

My mind is open, my heart is full. The future remains unwritten and limitless. Whatever this crazy life brings, I intend to be fully present - sharing my gifts freely, seizing each moment as the fleeting gift it is. This bulky frame is but a temporary vessel on a lifelong quest towards more light. There are always new horizons ahead calling us forward, both outwardly and within. And I can't wait to see what powerful lessons and adventures lie just beyond the next bend in the road. Where it leads, I'm boldly all in to find out.

It's a journey I don't take alone, as music frequently reminds me. My passion for house music originated in the 1980s when artists like Frankie Knuckles first emerged from the underground warehouse party scene. As a lonely and confused gay teen, I was magnetically drawn to the pulsing beats, communal ecstasy, and unapologetic queer expression of those early house tracks. Frankie's productions had a raw, soulful quality that spoke to my own yearning. Songs like "Your Love" and "The Whistle Song" made me feel connected to others like me. This innovation coming directly from queer and Black originators resonated on such a core level. 

From those beginnings, house music continued evolving into the 90s rave explosion. I was at legendary nights like NASA and Storm Raves, losing myself dancing under neon lights to transcendent mixes by Superstar DJ Keoki and Tony Humphries. Their music opened doors to spiritual catharsis I had never experienced before. 

When Daft Punk fused house with funk and disco, it reinvigorated my passion for dance music's creativity. Today, I'm still inspired by pioneering DJs like Honey Dijon and the innovative sounds coming from Queer House Party and LGBTQ+ labels like Nights Like This. House music will forever be the soundtrack of self-discovery and becoming whole within myself. 

On a similar note, techno was my gateway into electronic music's hypnotic side. Detroit innovators like Juan Atkins, Derrick May, and Kevin Saunderson drew me in with their futuristic soundscapes. Their use of science fiction motifs and technological innovation on classics like Metroplex and "Strings of Life" reflected society's anxieties yet also our hopes. Seeing May's 11 hour set at Berlin's seminal Tresor club was a turning point, getting utterly lost in repeating rhythms and new sonic universes. 

Today's cerebral producers like Blawan and Ameli Paul touches that same nerve. The minimal, otherworldly textures of techno offer me meditative escape - a blank canvas for internal exploration. Once again, queer and Black artists paved the way showing the transcendent power of radical creativity that continues inspiring me. Music has endlessly reaffirmed that life's meaning comes from our connections - creating community, healing each other, and realizing we're all one. Each newly discovered harmony brings me closer to some fundamental truth.

So while I may appear like a stereotypical brutish musclebear on the surface, there are infinite layers to me, and to us all, waiting to be revealed. We contain endless complexity and potential. My own ongoing journey has only confirmed that openness and compassion are the surest paths to fulfillment. There is still so much beauty to be discovered, sometimes in the most unexpected places. Wherever the road leads next, I know wonder awaits around each turn. All we must do is walk forward with courage, curiosity, and hearts open wide.