I felt like shit. The throbbing headache told me to stay in bed. Actually, wise from hangovers past I should go and drink water and then take a nap and hope things would turn out better the next time I wake up. Those thoughts quickly went through my mind, still foggy from whatever had transpired the night before. I didn’t remember what had happened nor how I had gotten here, but this was definitely not my bed.
Harsh white light lit the sparse, tiled room as I opened my eyes. I was strapped on some sort of gurney that was tilted at an angle between lying down and standing up. My body was secured, but I could move my head around enough to see that I wore something resembling a dark blue wet suite. Cables and tubes where attached to various points and snaked away to a cluster of machines and drip bags to my right. Still groggy, and more confused than scared, I was trying to sort through all the different sensations. Most prominent of all was something big was stuck in my mouth, and I felt like I needed to take a dump.
The sound when I bit down resembled a doggy squeaky toy.
Before I had any time to consider this new, perplexing weirdness a door opened and closed behind me and a man in white shirt, tie and lab coat came into view.
“I do apologize, we are a bit understaffed at the moment. I try to be present for every arrival”. He checked something on one of the machines next to me. “Good, good. Just waking up I see. Welcome to Goldfarb Body Shop and Repairs. I imagine you are feeling some confusion at the moment. It’s perfectly normal when our services are purchased for someone else. My name is Rob, and I will take care of your process initiation.”
My head still hurt like hell and very little of this made sense, beside the feeling confused part. Rob was in his forties and looked every bit like a lab technician. A lab technician who was high on sugar and couldn’t wait to talk to other people.
Rob picked up a clipboard and quickly eyed the first two pages. “Let’s start with the basics. As I think I heard, you have already figured out how to use the signalling device in your mouth piece. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but we’ve had so much problem with people just screaming. Totally ruins the schedule. I would like you to signal once for yes, twice for no and three times to have the question repeated. Do you understand?”
“Excellent! Are you Jonathan Brent, social security number 078-05-1120?”
“Great. It would be so embarrassing to have the wrong person. In the old days we used to invite people to retreats through sham lottery winnings and have them participate in yoga and meditation, and slowly work with them from there, but the way technology has progressed we don’t need any cooperation at all anymore. A bit less personal but so much more efficient.”
He looked at the clipboard once again. “So someone has purchased, for you, one of our discount packages. Great value! This one is called ‘jock bottom’. We are so lucky to have such a creative sales and marketing team. This bundle contains four transformation modules, well three of any substance. We have Muscleman, Meathead, Cunting and then our QA/Design module. I’ll explain all of them briefly.”
Muscleman, Meathead and Cunting. Whatever this place was and what they were planning to do, I didn’t like the sound of any of them. Well, muscleman didn’t sound terrible, but I’ve never been that interested in anything physical. I do the occasional jog and play some volley at the beach, but nothing regular. And I don’t even know what cunting means.
Rob continued “Muscleman is about 50% of the transformation effort in the bundle. We’ll use state of the art, fast acting genetic editing and gene therapy to overhaul the genetic makeup of your body. Then a combination of stem cells, hormone manipulation and viral reconstruction to actually express those genes as physical changes. In addition to biochemistry we have a set of contraptions that can force tissue to build how and where we want it.”
He was looking up from the clipboard and looking into my eyes. “It gets much easier if you cooperate with all given instructions. We will not sacrifice the quality of our work, it just take different amount of time to get there. The changes are pronounced, profound and permanent, to quote our motto.”
This is terrible! Somehow someone somewhere has paid these guys to force me into becoming a some sort of body builder. Who does that? How is that technology even possible?
“The Muscleman module also has a small educational component where we ensure that the target has the needed knowledge, skill and motivation to keep the body in great condition long after QA acceptance. This is done, in addition to reinforcing genetic changes, through psychotherapy and metabolic conditioning.” Rob was clearly reading marketing text from the clipboard. “The end result is multiple layers of reinforcing behaviors. Eating triggers restlessness triggers exercise. Exercise triggers hunger triggers eating.”
“Now the second module is the Meathead module. It’s about 20% of the transformation and is a bit more involved than it first appears. First it reinforces the mental conditioning from the Muscleman module, and adds significantly more knowledge and interest in physical activities. But it also removes some of the previous drives and abilities of the target.”
This was getting worse and worse.
Rob looked up from the clipboard, distracted from his reading. “What? Ah. No? No, it’s all already being ordered and paid for, but don’t worry, there will be plenty of opportunity to give feedback and consent later. Where were we, yes Meathead. We will run a series of tests in an MRI where we will map your brain. Then we’ll insert articulated, microscopic wires through your nose and into your brain, cut out small sections and replace them with stem cells with DNA we coded. You’ll see major results instantly after the operation! We’ll then stimulate the brain with the right chemicals, electrical impulses and sensory data, and you’ll know 50 different ways of exercising your deltoid in no time.” He looked up again, excitedly going off script. “We have this cool trans cranial stimulation head gear you put on, and then every movement you do while you wear it you will be able to replicate exactly afterwards. Dead lifts, break dance, karate chops, you name it! Super cool. Well, you will not use it for karate or dancing though.”
No fucking way! Replacing parts of the brain. Reprogramming? These people are sick.
“Then we have the Cunting module. This is also mainly a behavior module, but it will turn you into a very submissive, very promiscuous homosexual. The principle is the same as the Meathead module, but instead of cramming sports teams and being rewarded for squatting correctly, you’ll be flooded with gay porn and being conditioned with chemically induced orgasms on anal stimulation. I can promise you that you will love it. After all, the point is that you should love it so much you would arrange your life around sucking dick, getting fucked and working out.”
“The last 10% is spent on quality assurance and design. We’ll remove genetic problems, administer a broad set of vaccinations, slow down aging, etc. This is a standard module for all our work. Good for you to know is that it includes HIV immunity and protects against all known long term STDs. The design part is that one of our character designer will spend 30 minutes to review your build and allocate some minor work to make it coherent. Since there is no purely cosmetic change included in your package, except for the muscles, perhaps the designer will move the hairline forward to make a more youthful look, or broaden the nose a bit to make you look imposing.”
Getting massive muscles and being forced to keep them was a survivable event. Some people get stuck in wheel chairs. Some people need to inject insulin daily. Having to eat clean and go to the gym was really nothing compared to that. Having the brain rearranged was way worse, but I could suffer a stroke. Becoming some sort of muscle-homo-sub was something different entirely. How the fuck could I get out of this?
“We’re a bit pressed on time, as I mentioned, so I’ll get right to it. We have a set of customization options to run you through. All are simply select one option out of three. Just signal once for option one, twice for two, three times for three and four times to have them repeated.”
“The first option is selecting the major profile for the Meathead module. This one is important and informs a lot of the following customizations, so pay attention. Option 1 is called 'jock’ and is the standard athletic option. Lot’s of interest in sports, both as a participant and as an observer, spending your nights in arenas or sports bars. Option 2 is called 'douche’ and is the party and exhibitionist option. You’ll spend your time in bodybuilding competitions, getting photographed, or clubbing. Finally option 3 is called "bear” and is the strongman option. This includes lumberjack, handyman or motorcycle specializations, with nights in leather bars or truck stops.“
I’m not playing this fucking game. If I’m not saying anything it is something that happens to me, not something I’ve done.
"Once for jock, twice for douche, thrice for bear. You should know that the Muscleman module isn’t affected, so the muscled build will look the same regardless of option here. The focus is primarily muscle size and secondly strength. Agility, stamina or coordination are not something actively worked on, but possible to train yourself of course.”
We look at each other in silence. I can’t tell from his voice if he is mocking or serious when he misunderstands my silence.
“I know it is difficult to make a decision. I’ll put a time limit of 30 seconds per question and pick something for you. We do typically alter the body hair to match each major theme. Jock gets pretty standard body hair, but clean back and chest, douche gets no hair below the neck and bear gets hair everywhere. There is also some differences in skin tanning.”
After presumably 30 seconds he continues.
“OK, let’s go with option 1. Jock is our most popular option. It’s in the name of the package after all. Let’s continue with some specifics. For every question you can either select what you find most exciting today, or what you would like to find exciting. If you pick something you already love, that will make the transition easier. So, what sport are you most interested in. One football, two hockey or
I continue my silent treatment. I’m not much into any of them anyway.
“OK, let’s go with soccer. That’s big internationally, so there is always something to watch. Next, what would you prefer out of basket, baseball or lacrosse?”
“Nothing? Not yet a sports fan, eh? Let’s mix it up with something more niche and pick lacrosse. Final sport, MMA, Boxing or Wrestling?”
I have looked at a some wrestling, but being a fan is a bit of a stretch.
“Let’s go with MMA then. Final question in this module: do you prefer Sweatpants, basketball shorts or compression shorts? I should mention that the questions going forward are a bit reflective. With the full homosexual module, there is really no difference between what you like to wear and what you are attracted to.”
How could I relate to that question, even if I wanted to answer. Would I like to be attracted to men in sweatpants? I don’t want to be fucking attracted to men at all!
“Basketball shorts then! We’re almost there. Just a few simple customizations in the cunting module. What excites you the most? Licking asses, licking feet or licking armpits?”
Fuck! I can’t let it be asses. What is best of feet or armpits? What is least worst?
*squeak* *squeak* … *squeak*
“Oh, we got some interest. Licking armpits it will be. What ejaculations would you be most excited about? In your mouth, in your ass, or both at the same time?”
Is being fucked better or worse than giving a blow job? You would be more in control of a blow job, but you would have to do all the work for it. Both at the same time is clearly worse. Why do I even have to think about this?
“Excellent! An upcoming supreme fellator. Finally an ethnic question. What would you find most attractive? Middle eastern men, northen Latin American men or west African men?”
For a split second I felt very racist as I rejected each of the alternatives. What would be worse though? I imagine trying to find Muslims to suck off could backfire in so many ways? Black or Latino then? I really have no idea what their gay communities look like.
*squeak* *squeak* *squeak*
“West African men it is. So, if I’ve noted everything down correctly you want to become a jock with special interest in soccer, lacrosse and MMA, attracted to West African men wearing basketball shorts, who you most would like to lick their armpits and have them ejaculate in your mouth. Is that correct?”
“Excellent! It’s such a waste of time when people don’t consent after all that work. All of this would be a loss and we would have to refund the money.”
FUCK! *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *pfff* …
Rob turned a small knob on the mouth piece that turned off the toy sound.
“So, we will go right ahead and synthesize the DNA and inject that in a few hours. Then you’ll basically be knocked out and in fever for the better part of a week while the major rewrite happens. We’ll do the brain mapping towards the end and perform the minor surgeries after that. Then one week of initial programming while the surgeries heal and the initial set of tissue stem cell injections start to grow. Week three and forward will be a daily rotation of gym time, injections and programming, mostly in the fuck lab. With your cooperation we could be done as quickly as 10 weeks.”
FUCK NO! FUCK NO!
“While we wait for those viruses to be completed we are going to run you through a cleansing sequence. You can see it as a full body enema, so we can implant a new set of bacteria more helpful to our goals.”
He pressed a few buttons and the gurney tilted back almost to a flat position. Some sort of numbing fluid was spraying in my mouth after which something started extending down my throat. At the same time I could feel the plug in my ass inflating and altering its configuration.