Big Daddy Dispatch: February 2023 (Patreon)

Dispatch Seventy Two February 3rd, 2023




Greetings WHM Family!

A lot has happened since the last time you received this newsletter. Did you know we launched a new WEEKLY video show on Youtube? That's right, every Monday at noon/eastern we'll be talking about entertainment news, watching trailers, doing reviews—a little bit of everything—in the newly re-vamped WHM On-Screen! It's a fun new way to hang with us each and every week! Also, not only will it be on Youtube live each week, it'll be available for replay on the channel and released as an audio podcast for those who prefer to not see our faces (we get it)! So, if you're not subscribed to our Youtube you are TRULY missing out, gang! Also...Hardest working podcast in the biz? Just sayin'!

We want to thank you all for all your hundreds of emails and phone calls you put through for Listener Request Month, it was truly a DELUGE of good suggestions! You'll be able to watch us draw the winners LIVE on Monday February 20th on (you guessed it) On-Screen Live!

Last but not least we want to thank everybody who came out (in their own homes) to our huge Moment House show on Thor: Love and Thunder. It was truly a blast won't be the last of these we're doing this year, so gird your loins! 

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit: Intergang Prestige TV by Josh Hollis

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 651 – Moonfall



Happy 2023! Not so fast! Time to talk about some of the worst movies of 2022, beginning with the latest planetary disaster from Roland Emmerich, in which Patrick Wilson, Halle Berry, and a cast member of Game of Thrones try to stop the moon from falling into…well, really, just the scraps of Earth left over after all the gravitational nonsense kills a few dozen million or way more. Would you want to live in the world that exists after all this? What is life like for a disgraced astronaut? Must we continue to encourage these prestige TV actors? Go watch Melancholia instead. But still listen to the episode! Listen to the Moonfall episode and watch Melancholia. Simple!

Episode 652 – Top Gun: Maverick PATRONS ONLY

For this month’s WLM, the boys take a look at one of the biggest movies of the year and a new gold standard for legacy sequels, as Tom Cruise returns to one of his first major roles, Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, to train a new batch of hot shots, including Miles Teller’s Rooster, the son of Goose. Is it worth considering which country America is fucking with in this film? Would including Meg Ryan’s character ruin the good-vibes-only tone of the film? Will Tom Cruise die doing a movie stunt and is that the only true way to die anymore? If all goes well, our plan to turn all our listeners into war-loving naval pilots ready to crash the hard deck for kin and country has been a success.

Episode 653 – Jurassic World: Dominion

IT’S STILL FUCKING HAPPENING! Somehow, the fellas must return to the latest god-damned Jurassic Park, instead this time it’s like…a Google campus where Jeff Goldblum is lecturing and helps Sam Neill and Laura Dern prove there are super-locusts that are destroying American agriculture, and also Chris Pratt has a clone daughter with Bryce Dallas Howard and a small habitat for velociraptor, Blue and her baby. Yeah, that’s not even like half of it, honestly. Can we get just some normal fucking dinosaur kills here? Does holding your hand out stop all dangerous creatures in their tracks? Can we please stop making these fucking movies? Please? We’ll give blood. We’ll do household chores. We might even beat up someone who owes you money. We're willing to do the work to stop this, is what we're saying.

Episode 654 – Uncharted

Did someone order unreasonably and mean-spirited impressions of Tom Holland? Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve head out on a big-time video game adventure with Spidey-Man and Mark Wahlberg doing tomb raiding and plane jumping and pirate ship flying. Does Tom Holland make an n-word joke in this movie or not? Why is Holland doing so many Spider-Man like activities in the Uncharted movie? Is there anything more pathetic than showing your climactic action scene at the beginning of your film? The video game curse is alive and well. 

Episode 655 – Halloween Ends



The gang heads back to Haddonfield, Illinois once again to face probably the most controversial Halloween film of the whole bunch, in which an ashamed, belittled, and tormented accidental murderer decides to befriend and support an exiled Michael Meyers while he also falls in love with Michael’s nemesis' grandaughter. Would this have worked better if there was no Michael? Why can’t these movies show any respect to Judy Greer? Do the Gordon Green Halloweens have the best kills of the bunch, save the OG? Also willing to do real physical labor to ensure no more of these movies are made if that is a viable option at all.

Episode 656 – Black Adam



To round out our coverage of 2022 in movies, Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric head to *checks notes* Khandaq, a very not-real Middle Eastern country, to meet up with the titular kinda-bad guy as he faces off against INTERGANG and the Justice Society all at once. Must we continue to have the “what’s my catchphrase” talk? What do any of these twists add to the story or the character other than make it longer? Why do they have the same exact fight like four times in this movie? Next, Black Adam will face off against an anti-vaxx Shazam in The Plague of the Gods.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: It was a busy-ass month for my watching habits, so here’s a mixed bag of stuff I watched this month: 

Don’t Worry Darling: Dreadful shit. Certainly not worth all behind the scenes DRAMA we had to hear about ad nauseam in the lead-up to the release. Looks great — between the production design, costumes and cinematography, it’s a really beautiful movie. But wow, P-U on that script. Just a massive WHO CARES mess of a movie. Complete waste of so much talent, including Florence Pugh and Chris Pine. 

Star Trek Beyond - Had myself a re-watch of this on 4K to round out the Kelvin set I’d purchased. Gotta say, maybe it was because I was so desperate to wash Don’t Worry Darling out of my brain, but this time around was the best this film ever played for me and I now believe it to be the best of the Kelvin Timeline films. Pine & Co. rule. 

Demonwarp: An unhinged George Kennedy movie where he plays a fella hunting the Sasquatch that killed his daughter (in one of the funniest fucking scenes you’ll ever see in your life). He wears a bright, yellow bucket hat throughout and also butts heads with a group of Youngs who join in the hunt for the beast (as they’re killed off one by one). The movie has multiple head rips, tons of nudity, and again, George Kennedy in that bucket hat. It’s in-full on YouTube. You gotta do it. 

Land of the Free: Caught this on Tubi. It’s a Jeff Speakman action movie where he plays the campaign manager for William Shatner’s Senate candidate character who’s actually a secret Stop the Steal-type lunatic who wants to overthrow the government with the help of his unhinged militia friends. It’s bonkers and I had a blast. I wrote a bit more about it over on my website.

Willie Nelson and Family: I mentioned this one on this week’s On-Screen Live!, but this was one of the best things I caught at Sundance. It’s 4 1/2 hours long, and I was only allowed access to the first couple hours, but hot damn is it worth your time. The Red Headed Stranger is a true American hero and this is a beautiful (and only officially sanctioned) film of his life. Keep your eyes peeled for whenever this comes out, however I don’t think it even has a distributor yet. 

Chris: Here are a few high and low lights from the first month of 2023:

All the Marbles: A particular interest of mine is final films; the last films made by major and minor directors right before retirement or the big caboose to the afterlife. Earlier this month, I finally saw all the way through Justin Timberake + The Tennessee Kids, the final film of the great Jonathan Demme, and while I was quite a big fan of that movie despite being only a mild fan of the artist in its title, it was not even the most notable final film I’ve seen thus far this year. That honor would go to this walloping charmer from the great Robert Aldrich, the titan-sized master behind Kiss Me Deadly, The Dirty Dozen, and What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Aldrich connects his mounting woes as a hustling filmmaker in the winter of his professional (and perhaps literal) life to the troubles of one Harry Sears (Peter Falk), a worn-out, on-the-ropes manager and promoter of a women’s wrestling duo, The California Dolls. Made on a surpassingly modest budget, Aldrich starts in the mood of comical, rambling road movie and eventually lets it all hang out, putting a budgetary fire under the tenuous relationship between Harry and one of his wrestlers, Vicki Frederick’s Iris, which leads to thorny emotional complications and an absolute stunner of a climactic duel between the Dolls and their longtime rivals. Reminded me of Slap Shot and several New Hollywood staples, but the beleaguered sense of humor and organically shaggy tone of the film are all Aldrich and I really cannot imagine a more appropriate film for him to go out on – he died of kidney failure two years after the film saw release.

Blended: I am in the middle of catching up on Adam Sandler movies I haven’t bothered with and revisiting a few that I only passingly paid attention to. This means that I will eventually be tangoing with Jack & Jill, but for now, I am stuck with Blended, maybe the most off-putting film in the Sandman’s catalog that I’ve seen thus far – The Ridiculous Six was probably the favorite on that bet beforehand. I don’t know how anyone thought that South Africa was the best place to reunite the stars of The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates but someone clearly was banking on that. I will not be repeating Terry Crews’ recurring bit in this film but it really made a bad film ten times worse. It’s also probably the most sexist of the Sandler films, especially when the film concerns itself with Barrymore’s horned-up son. Also not funny, which is what turns this from a disappointment to borderline crime.

Pacifiction: My wife recently made fun of me when I said that Albert Serra is my favorite Catalan director. She was right to; that’s a very pretentious and silly thing to say. Nevertheless, it’s been true for awhile and I think this film, which I missed at NYFF unfortunately, really locks up any doubts I might have had about that. It is, amazingly, as close as I think we will ever see to a movie by Serra that an everyday person would not run screaming or yawning from. The plot is a kind of le Carré jag – a quietly demonic French diplomat wanders through the sun-blazed environs, handsome meeting rooms,  and smoky clubs of Tahiti as the specter of the nation’s history with nuclear testing begins to rear its head. Serra luxuriates in a glacial tone of barely-simmering sinisterism underneath the god-touched beauty of the island, where even those protesting France’s stranglehold on their land must take their directions from some fat fucking demon who is either too drunk or stupid to do anything but evil. One of the best films you’ll see this year; an absolute beast of a motion picture.

All Quiet on the Western Front (2022): It’s not difficult to see why this movie really spoke to the Academy. First off, it has the same title as an urtext of modern war films, Lewis Milestone’s visceral 1930 classic about German infantry soldiers in World War I. It’s a complicated, tragic, and compelling work that confronts the overwhelming horrors and the everyday relationship with gruesome death that comes from working for any military, the winners or the losers. This update adds quite a lot of gore and goes out of its way to show how unsparing, unpredictable and unrelenting death becomes for those on the front lines. That’s admirable, up to a point. For all this (quite visible) effort to show war as a unholy ordeal that should be avoided at any cost, this movie never quite gets ugly. There’s still a video-game-like quality to the look, choreography, and design of war here, and that’s aside from the matter of the egregious Netflix sheen that can turn a mediocre film into an insufferable one awfully quick. I know because it happened to me!


Eric: I've been expanding my horizons after as you may know, the past year or two or three (who counts time anymore?) I've been blasting through a bunch of Kung fu movies. Well now I've set my sights toward Japan, particularly Sonny Chiba.

I talked about Yakuza Wolf on a previous BDD but I've finally got to the sequel Yakuza Wolf 2: Extend my Condolences. It departs a lot in terms of tone from the first film. That first movie is down and dirty, totally DTF. This one is more chaste (still a little nudity though) and sports Sonny Chiba as a different character altogether. Still thrills and spills as he gets out of jail and eventually has to attack a mobster compound to save his lady friend. One thing that stood out to me in this 1972 film: the fashion and present day setting! It's refreshing after so many Shaw Brothers period costuming to see dudes sporting impeccable denim jackets and drinking Coca-Cola.

A lesser movie of his I also got to: The Bodyguard aka Bodyguard Kiba aka Karate Kiba. This movie blasts out of the gate. He's a bad ass who foils a terrorist plane hijacking DURING the opening titles. First scene after that is a press conference where he advertises his services as a bodyguard, by, yep, you guessed it: karate chopping a Coca-Cola bottle. That image is even on the poster and it does look cool! The American trimmings (Coca-Cola, Americana fashion) being all over Japan and especially the lowbrow stuff makes total sense. However, sadly, this movie peters out. I am eager to see where the sequel goes though as I found Kiba more compelling as a character than his Yakuza roles. And yes, I just ordered box sets for his Street Fighter series, Executioner, and Doberman Cop. So stay tuned for more talkin' the Chib.

But back in China: I rewatched The 36 Chambers of the Shaolin. Still incredible and a GREAT introduction to kung fu movies. It is the first film in Arrow Video's newly released Shawscope Vol. 2 set. I then went into the sequel, Return to the 36th Chamber and was very disappointed. It's yet again another sequel with the same lead actor, this time Gordon Liu, playing a different character. Who now also must learn yadda yadda. The twist on this one is we're essentially remaking the original but as a comedy. The comedy is so broad and well feels racist at times because we got a character with big fake teeth. Lau Kar-leung, you madman.

One last movie for this roundup. Back in America: Impulse (1974). Check it out if you ever wanted to see William Shatner play Patrick Bateman. Seeing is believing! I burst out laughing at the scene in the amusement park when a woman's balloons (actual balloons) hit Shatner in the face and he yells "People like you oughta be ground into dog food!"

Steve:  YEAH! I watched stuff! I read stuff! I went to the bathroom. Here's some highlights from all (Not the bathroom, you're welcome).

The Batman (2022) & Batman (1966): My wife was out of town for a week so that gave me time to do this absolutely insane double feature, which clocked in at nearly five hours! Starting with the newer entry (which should be watched first whilst mostly sober), it holds up upon 2nd viewing! It's easily the best superhero film of 2022 and has some truly inspired and exciting looking sequences! Matt Reeves knows how to stage a set piece that will make you gasp. Pattinson is a worthy, moody, and vulnerable Batman that is willing to change. I love that about him. All that said, if I was making a case to congress about runtime bloat that's adversely affecting all movies good and bad, this would be a leading contender. There's just no reason this needs to be three hours long. 

Batman '66 is still as sharp as ever. It's nice to remember a time when it was actually considered ridiculous for a man to wear his underwear on the outside, and have actors play that for laughs as opposed to gasps. It still somehow does the magic trick of putting out a product that is completely hilarious to adults, but was actually thrilling to kids. I remember being a youth and loving this movie as a top notch Batman adventure, wherein he fights all my favorite villains. Now, it's wall to wall terrific performances noshing on scenery at every turn. Caesar Romero in particular needs more respect in the (and I hate to have to say this) Joker lineage. He's having a fucking ball, mustache and all. 

Women Talking: A really strong drama from Sarah Polley. Not my favorite of the year, but genuinely affecting, with terrific performances throughout. Jessie Buckley in particular is worth notice. She's the Lee J. Cobb of this gender swapped 12 Angry Men (an enormous stretch, I know, but allow me). She starts out brash, arrogant and unlikable, but as her point of view starts to crumble, she reveals the pain and torment she's been masking the whole time. A worthy Best Picture Nom that probably had too many good performances to find one to single out. Kind of a bummer in that regard. 

The Bear: I'm one of the last people with a Hulu subscription to watch The Bear and I have to say, it's my favorite TV Series of 2022. For one, it's incredibly funny and engaging. It hits the ground running and pushes you into a world you may have always been curious about, or if you've worked in food service before is likely very familiar. The tension and drama comes through as a secondary current that smartly builds all season as you get to know and care about the characters. It's a tremendous cast and the run times are blessedly short. If you haven't already blast through these seven episodes as soon as you can.

Dr. No (2022): I've been curious about picking up a Percival Everett book for the last few years and I'm really glad I started here. This is indeed a James Bond riff, but it finds a way to turn all the earmarks of the genre upside down while exploring what it takes to be a true villain (spoiler alert: it's having billions of dollars), mathematical theory, race relations, and the true meaning of Nothing all at once while being consistently funny. Even though it's incredibly heady at times, it's probably the most fun book I've read in a little while. A strong recommend.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Steve: I agree with my esteemed colleague above that Hangover films should be some kind of comfort food, something not too intellectually challenging that hopefully brings you back to a happier time in your life. You know, one where you're blood isn't actually curdling inside your body and your head doesn't feel like a pressurized submarine. So, yeah, as I sit here and think of some bad examples, let me use some movies I love: Stop Making Sense, for one. Terrific, life-affirming film. Far too loud and energetic. Just thinking about David Byrne running up and down the stage makes my stomach hurt on the best of days.

Anything from the Hellraiser franchise (including Event Horizon): I can see some horror working in a hangover context (The Shining being a good example), but I do not need to see anybody's skin be flayed or any kind of EYE TRAUMA. No thank you.Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Tom from Liverpool who asks: 


You often refer to some movies as ‘Hangover Movies’. A good hangover movie for me is usually a comedy or action movie I’ve seen at least 10 times. I’d like to ask if you have any ‘Worst Hangover Movies’? Mine is probably an unfortunately timed viewing of Jonathan Glazers ‘Under the Skin’. Jeez.


Andrew: I know exactly what one of the worst movies to watch while having a hangover is, because this… happened... to me!!!!!! One morning, after a raucous night of drinking, I woke up on the floor of a loft in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that I’d woken up on quite a few times before, in the former home of Chris Cabin, our dear friend Justin. J. Case, and a few other DUDES. Chris and I, in an attempt to ignore the fact that our heads were splitting open, decided to attend a double feature at the Union Square Regal (RIP, you beautiful shit hole). The first film up in the double header was none other than Brian De Palma’s The Black Dahlia. As I sat slumped in my seat watching Hartnett and Eckhart box for charity, both have sex with Scarlett Johansson, and try to piece together who murdered Elizabeth Short, multiple waves of nausea were beating the shit out of me. For nearly two decades I have never re-watched or even attempted a re-watch of the film and have always claimed that screening the movie almost made me puke. In hindsight, of course it was all the gin and not the movie that almost made me wretch in public, probably, and maybe I should give the film another try some time. I'll say this: the second part of the double-header was Artie Lange’s Beer League and I laughed so hard and so continuously throughout the film, by the time credits hit, I’d nearly forgotten I was abysmally hungover just 86 minutes earlier…  

Chris: It’s been awhile since I’ve really had a real bad hangover, but I do remember that my first and only in-theater viewing of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice happened while I was working off a particularly strong storm of post-booze sickness. I was in Nuremberg at the time, and the only movies I really got to see in theaters were the big, big titles and a few scattered arthouse titles and even those were pretty major – The Witch, Green Room, Hail Caesar, A Quiet Passion, etc. Anyway, I was excited enough for BvS despite Man of Steel giving me hives, blood poisoning, fractured forearm and the sneezies, and I pre-bought tickets in anticipation. Naturally, the night before, my friend Brett came into town and we tied a few on at a local bar. Woke up the next morning, three hours before showtime and a 30-minute train ride to the theater, feeling like microwaved shit. And despite valiant efforts by me to aid myself – ate greasy breakfast foods, drank two huge gatorades, took an assortment of drugs both legal and illicit – I kept on feeling like microwaved shit as I witnessed Hollywood-scale microwaved shit, with all its booming, incessant noise and dialogue that makes you physically uncomfortable. Not sure if any level of hydration or sobriety would have helped that, though I contend that a very strong edible might have at least allowed me to enjoy ignoring it. It would have to have been very strong.

Eric: The worst hangover movie I think would abrasive in some agonizing way. Like maybe the comedy and screamvoices in Adam Sandler's Jack & Jill. Or it's some loud yet unseeable action movie like a latter day Seagal where he's barely even in it. Also nothing too serious—I couldn't imagine good stuff like Derek Jarman's Blue or for another example Shoah working either.I think Tom is correct the best hangover movies are comedies or action flicks or heck even thrillers (Lydia Tár voice "remember them?") that you've seen a ton.

FEBRUARY SCHEDULE 

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out this February! 

Episode 658 —  R.I.P.D.

Episode 659 —  Sleepless in Seattle

Episode 660 — My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Episode 661  —  3 Ninjas

Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — The Big Lebowski - AVAILABLE NOW!

Animation Damnation — Gargoyles: "Enter MacBeth" (s1, e9)

The Nexus: TOS: "The Empath" (s3 e12) TNG: "Hollow Pursuits" (s3, e21)

Gleep Glossary: Count Dooku

Melr0210: 90210: "The Pit and the Pendulum" (s2, e24),  Melrose Place: "Collision Course"  (s2, e11)

Once in a Lifetime: Sleepwalking in Suburbia

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! Now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try unsubscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION



Our Youtube Channel continues to kick-ass folks! That's where you can catch all the new WHM On-Screen Live episodes (see above) as well as see Eric Roberts' Cameo and so much more! We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. Eric has also put out great clip packages like George Bailey as Michael Meyers, Chamber of Secretsmentary, Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! You can also watch the entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Expendables 2, City Slickers, Eternals, Saw III, and Resident Evil (2002). Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 




It's back in stock, baby! You can get a KICK ASS edition of the super fun B-Movie Scanner Cop, which includes our commentary track, which isn't available anywhere else! Get yours here! 

Eric and Ben are back in the the blue (ironically of course!) and they're talking about honest to goodness DEATH SQUADS on patrol in Los Santos! Listen here!  



Did you know that Andrew has a website? No, it's not an OnlyFans (yet), it's a cool blog for some musings and Jupin-centric goings on. Lookit that fancy graphic from Raphael Sarmento! Check it out at andrewjupin.com

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! Our newest design is the kick ass Felipe Sobreiro art for our Thor: Love and Thunder show! Also we have the new "Crispy Critters" design from friend of the show, Nathan Hamill!  We also have a ton of great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Demon-o's Pizza, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! 


Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies