Big Daddy Dispatch: January 2023 (Patreon)

Dispatch Seventy One January 5th, 2023




Greetings WHM Family!

*Bill Murray Ghostbusters 2 Voice* "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" 

Man oh man we are thrilled that 2022 is finally over and now we are fully moving into a year that might suck less shit for us all, even if science and common sense says otherwise. Apologies that this is coming out a few days later than usual, there was a couple of Holiday related issues that kicked this down the road a bit, but none more interesting or important then having to wait to announce...

OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW OF 2023, STREAMING RIGHT TO YOUR HOUSE! That's right! On Thursday January 26th at 9pm we'll be broadcasting a hilarious, live, improvised episode on Marvel's worst offering of 2022, Thor: Love and Thunder! This is going to be a full length episode reveling in the tonal misfires, glib camera mugging, and overall incoherence of the 4th and possibly worst Thor movie (we'll probably hash that question out live in front of your eyes). Also, for those interested and inclined there's going to be an afterparty where we'll be answering questions and keeping the fun going for another full hour.You do not want to miss this!

Well, if you do have to miss it, there's good news! A replay of the stream will be available for seven days afterwards, so you can still get in on the fun.

Get your tickets now for a discounted price (until the day of the show), here:
Tickets

Other than that? Well, we have a ton of awesome shit for you folks this month and this whole year, so let's get into it! Thanks again for sticking with us and keep this crazy show alive another year!


Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit: Thor: Love and Thunder Art by Felipe Sobreiro

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 645 –  Rocky V: Live in Philadelphia



Recorded in April at Punchline Philly, the gang does some sparring with the legend as he ages ungracefully into the role of coach and manager while dealing with a financial fiasco brought on, inevitably, by his brother-in-law Paulie. Why didn’t Stallone demand inclusion of the ending where Rocky gets beaten to death? How did he not hire some devoted boxing fans to kill Paulie after he lost their savings? How excited is too excited when you find your son’s bosomy drawings of his French teacher? The Italian Stallion is a big fan of illustrated tits, we know that much.

Episode 646 – True Lies PATRONS ONLY

For the final WLM of the year, Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric go international to follow super-spies Arnold Schwarzenegger and…Tom…Arnold as they try to stop an apocalyptic attack by vaguely Middle-Eastern terrorist group Crimson Jihad, while also trying to save the former’s marriage. Did any young man who saw this film only watch the hotel-room strip scene once? Was it really worth putting Eliza Dushku through actual hell to have her be sneered at by Tom Arnold and do an Eddy Furlong impression? Can we get more horse chases in movies or has Nope put a rightful stop to that? Devastating that we never got a spin-off, 90-minute action-comedy with Bill Paxton’s character.

Episode 647 –  Avatar

Speaking of Big Jimmy Cameron! The fellas are heading to Pandora to join up with Jake Sully’s guerilla infantry of blue forest dwellers, alien-animal friends, and turncoat scientists who rightly want to see the death of the intergalactic American Empire. Where is the hair-sex scene?! Does the fact that this looks better than any other effects-heavy blockbuster of its age excuse all the cheesy bullshit? Are we really going to watch five more of these things? Now that most of the guys have seen The Way of Water, we can confirm: probably!

Episode 648 – Christmas with the Kranks 

It’s the holiday season, and how else does one properly celebrate the most wonderful time of the year other than watching America’s favorite former drug runner and rat, Tim Allen? Andrew, Eric, Steve, and Chris lose their minds witnessing mom and dad Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis abandon a swingers’ vacation to appease the Christmas traditions of a Dogville-esque neighborhood and their disgustingly perfect, ham-loving spawn. What kind of man would draft a memo to tell people he’s not celebrating Christmas? Can the government test nuclear weapons and mood-altering drugs made to be put into water supplies in this town? What kind of pull does King Dan Akyroyd have with the local police? Christmas People are a menace and need to stay home.


Episode 650 – Home Alone 2: Lost in New York with Chelsea Jupin



The gang is joined once again by Christmas movie enjoyer and expert Chelsea Jupin to discuss the second Home Alone movie, in which Kevin McCallister must endure a family who have turned their collective shame into bitter resentment against him, leading inevitably to him “accidentally” doing a solo criminal crime spree in New York City with the rebranded Sticky Bandits. Wasn’t it nice when you only had to see Donald Trump for five seconds flat a year? What court proceedings could help break up the McCallister family after these incidents? Can we get serious about jailing Uncle Frank and stop him from talking about his dick? Tim Curry FTW!

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: Okay, so since we’re already in January, I’ll save you having to read over all the holiday movies we watched throughout December because honestly, we’re all holidazed out. So here’s some other non-Christmas-times stuff I took a gander at:

Lifeboat (1944) - This was a Hitchcock film I hadn’t revisited since college, but I picked up the Kino blu-ray a while back so it had been sitting on Movie Mountain for a while. Honestly, it’s a totally under-seen and under-discussed title in the Master of Suspense’s oeuvre. Check it out for something completely different than the Hitch you’re used to seeing. 

Unforgiven (1992) - Obviously still holds up. Another one I hadn’t revisited in a while, but the WB 4K is immaculate and the whole thing is really well done. Goddamn, Hackman playing such a scum bag. And of course, Eastwood, hilariously leaving his kids at home under the justification that “God is watching” over them. Lol. Morgan Freeman, of course, is also fantastic. Much like how The Irishman is Scorsese’s coda on the gangster film, this was Eastwood ringing the dinner bell on the western. 

The Last Duel (2021) - Finally got around to the second part of Ridley Scott’s 2021 output, and I must say, I enjoyed it quite a bit. It’s firmly in the “Royal Rid” camp of Scott’s filmography, you can just feel the craft oozing out of every pore of this film. Everyone involved did some great work creating this one. Plus, Matt Damon hilariously shooing that horse away with a broom gave me a great chuckle. 

Skinamarink (2022) - This one comes out in a few days and I highly recommend checking it out in a theater if you can. I know the good folks at IFC are taking are large number of bookings on this one, so hopefully it winds up on a screen near you. All I’ll say is this — do NOT expect a regular, degular narrative horror experience. It’s much, much more experimental in its structure and execution and that’s why it’s so good. It’s just eerie as fuck. Quick side note: I saw this on a screener at home, but just recently was at the Williamsburg Nitehawk catching a movie and they played the trailer beforehand. Even though I’d seen it already (the film and the trailer), I was way more scared being in a theater with that trailer playing than I was the entire time I watched the actual film at home—and I was shit scared watching it then, too. Give it a shot, keep an open mind, and bring a diaper. 

Dunkirk (2017) - I hadn’t revisited this since seeing it in theaters, and wowza, it’s really excellent. I remember liking it when I saw it in theaters, but this re-watch skyrocketed the movie up toward nearly the top of my Nolan rankings. Goddamn. 

The Apartment (1960) - Another long time between this viewing and whenever I saw it last, but I really do love this movie. Lemmon is at his most sentient doormat with the character of CC Baxter, Shirley is just a wonder to behold on screen, and the stuff the film gets up to, in 1960? I mean, well done, Billy, well done. I did want to acknowledge Jack Kruschen’s performance as Dr. Dreyfuss. I’ve always thought he did a great job in this movie and his big scene where he’s helping Baxter deal with the o.d.-ing Ms. Kubelik is still a great one. “Booze? That’s one thing we don’t need.”  


Chris:  The last two big 2022 releases that I saw ended up being two of my favorites of the year, despite the fact that most will not be able to see one in theaters for another week or two. The fact that I immediately loved the first, Jafar Panahi’s No Bears, was not a surprise. Panahi has been among my very favorite directors since I first saw his 2006 masterwork, Offside, and subsequently began digging into his body of work. I’ve seen everything since then and a handful of his works from before 2006, and this really may be my favorite. Panahi, who has been under an amorphous kind of house arrest by the Iranian government for over a decade now, charts a comedic and perilous small-town drama in which Panahi, playing a version of himself, considers fleeing his grim carceral situation while simultaneously fending off a band of locals who insist he documented a potentially fatal act of desire. It seemingly calls back to and summates Panahi’s last two decades of work while also flirting with the ghosts of old Hollywood, specifically Wellman’s The Ox-Bow Incident and Lang’s Fury. Seek it out when/if you can.

The second film, Kyle Edward Ball’s Skinamarink, is a far more stylistically audacious (and far less emotionally resonant) work, and one that I can say even less about. The movie works ten times better in a theater – shout out to Ross in CT who is a Patreon member and got me into an early screening -  but the boldness of this atmospheric nightmare would be evident even on an iPad. The opening gambit – two children find themselves trapped in their house by an insidious, whispering force – barely suggests what Ball is doing here with cheap but convincing effects, lighting, sound design, and the detritus of childhood – toys, junk food, late-night TV, etc. – to create a seizing work of electric dread. See it any way you can, but I must stress, the gulf between theater and home viewing on this one is similar to Avatar: The Way of Water.

Eric: I've spent the last week of 2022 and this first few days of 2023 sick as a dog, so I watched some movies. Here's a loose round-up of what I watched in December.

Babylon – This movie played like a big headache for me. I wish it had a clear direction, I get the whole 'suicide note' to Hollywood over a love letter but it just had to be 3+ hours and yes, had to play both sides with it. Cut out 45 minutes and pick a fucking direction. Hedonism on display is all well and good, but you're not getting points from me when the actual cast doesn't partake.

Interstella 555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem – I dig it! Look, see. I like an animated movie!

Yakuza Wolf – Sleazy ass Sonny Chiba movie. Might be worth it if it's 1 AM.

Debt Collectors – I actually liked this Scott Adkins sequel better than the original, The Debt Collector, which is par for the course with Scott Adkins. If you're curious about him, the place to start is Ninja II. Skip Ninja I or go back to it after.

The Untouchables – Still great.

The Fabelmans – Never played at a theater by me, so I rented it on the TV. The rented file wouldn't play on the TV so I watched it on an iPad, the way I assume was intended. Pretty good.

Avatar 2 – I liked it. I liked it more than the first one! The high frame rate looks like ass though and solidifies this as the best video game movie ever made.

Cold Steel (1987) – This is a fun one to earmark for next Christmas, it's got Sharon Stone, and Jonathan Banks playing a huge over the top villain on Chrtistmas Eve. A recommend! Good stunts!

The Dark Crystal – Somehow was my first go with this Jim Henson led movie. It's good! Not great, but I enjoyed it more or less. It's not Labyrinth but then again, what is?

Steve:  This last month was a total fucking whirlwind, but I did watch movies. Somehow I did watch some goddamn movies. I did not yet see Avatar 2, sadly (had tickets but it didn't work out) and I just don't know when I'll get to it! It's hard to live the life of 5'4(ish) manchild. Alas! Here's a few I did see:

Prey for the Devil: There's nothing me and my wife Jenn enjoy more than sitting down and watching a capital S Stupid devil movie. And this one certainly fit the bill. This might make a good episode one of these days, but it also might be too damn boring. It kind of forgets its premise, which is that there are so many demonic possessions that the Catholic Church has to open Exorcism academies all over the world. This one takes place in Boston. You know, a couple of blocks from Fenway park. It's firmly stupid and even has a moronic sequel setup. If you're stupid like me, you won't be disappointed. 

The Menu: If you know me, you know that I absolutely deplore trailers that give away too much of the film and going forward this is the movie that I'll be referencing the most while I rail against BIG TRAILER. The movie itself is kind of misguided, but mostly very funny and very fun. I wish it would pick a lane and probably would've liked it to lean a little bit more into the horror comedy as opposed to straight satire, but who am I? I think Fiennes is a lot of fun and I'll watch Anya Taylor-Joy eat a goddamn cheeseburger (and I did). The biggest issue is the multiple trailers that were plastered everywhere gave literally the entire film away. Most of the jokes had been spoiled by 3 seperate hype reels that seriously diminished my enjoyment of this one. 

Babylon: I am not a Damian Chazelle fan and oddly this, his most divisive feature is my favorite of his so far*, even if I actually didn't like it all that much. Well, I liked a lot of it. It has about 90 minutes of some of my favorite sequences of the year, but it also has 90 minutes of plodding, obvious, and sometimes laughable choices. It's a total mess, but it's ambitious enough and the comedy really played for me on the big screen. One thing this movie understands is that Margot Robbie is a fucking movie star and smart directors know how to use her. This movie knows how to use her...for the most part. When the story moves away from her and the very impressive Diego Calva, the movie flatlines. Brad Pitt is completely uninspired. Jean Smart's dialogue cut through me like a knife and not in the good way. Also, the ending...My god. Might be one of the worst endings to a movie I was mostly enjoying. So...is that a recommendation? You tell me!

*Still haven't seen First Man

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Steve: As a younger man (I'll turn 40 this year, so get ready for a lot of this shit), I used to rewatch movies all the time, multiple times a year, yadda yadda. Now, that practice is rarer and rarer and I rewatch less to make room for the ever growing list of new shit I should give a shot. So, not rewatching for me isn't' an indictment on it's face, but there are LOTS of movies that I've completely forgotten that I remember liking and/or defending. Case in point, two movies I remember being a vocal defender of because I thought they were unfairly maligned at the time, The Artist and American Hustle, both were punchlines the year of their release but I remember being the guy shouting, "No, they're gooooood!!" However, I've never gone back, have absolutely no plan to, and haven't thought much about them since. Maybe I was just fixing for a fight.Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Bree from Simcoe, Ontario who asks: 

What is a movie that you liked — even loved — but have no desire to revisit again? Not because it is sad or disturbing or upsetting, but because it simply didn’t stick? For me, it’s The Place Beyond the Pines


Andrew: This was tough because on the one hand, I could name dozens of documentaries where that’s the case because of course docs have much less ROI the second time around, but so I looked through my Letterboxd for some inspiration and I think what we’re talking about here, at least for me, are some hardcore, three-star films that I had a good time with, but yeah, never gave a second thought. So just to name a few, in no particular order: Ford v Ferrari, Mank, Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, all of those more recent non-Logan X-Men films starting with First Class, Ocean’s Eight, Searching, Baby Driver, Deadpool, Terminator Genisys, Muppets Most Wanted… yeah, that should do it. 


Chris: Here’s my running list of movies that I love but are too long/emotionally devastating to go through again: The Last of the Unjust, Shoah, Satantango, La Flora, An Elephant Sitting Still, Fanny and Alexander, Carlos, Mysteries of Lisbon, La Belle Noiseuse, The Sorrow and the Pity, Dead Souls (most Wang Bing movies, while I’m here), The Mother and the Whore, World on a Wire, The Travelling Players, and No Direction Home: Bob Dylan. An Elephant Sitting Still is probably the one I find most difficult to go back to, considering how the film’s deeply unnerving and terrifyingly convincing nihilistic view of youth and poverty in modern China links to the suicide of the film’s director. Great movie, will haunt me till my memories go.

Eric: The Zapruder film. In all honesty, probably most of that Marvel output. I know, cue Online Men screaming at me for mentioning the name of the biggest movie franchise in history. I just can't imagine revisiting some of those. I remember liking Captain America well enough and of course Black Panther, but 2022 was the year I actually stopped watching the new ones. Kinda have no desire to go back and pop in, because I know it'll be too long and crammed with 'hey look at X guy, he's from X thing, there might be an X movie soon!” So definitely tune into our VIRTUAL LIVE SHOW on January 26th to get my first time take on Thor: Love and Thunder.That said, I am sure as the years go on and I grow old we will do more of those movies again and I am sure I will have a lot of good things to say too, like on our Iron Man and Iron Man 3 episodes.

JANUARY SCHEDULE 

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out this January! 

Episode 651 —  Moonfall

Episode 652 —  Jurassic World: Dominion

Episode 653 — Uncharted

Episode 654  —  Halloween Ends

Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Top Gun: Maverick

Animation Damnation — Transformers: BotBots: "Mall Than Meets the Eye; (Never) Be Yourself" (s1, e1)

The Nexus: TOS: "Wink of an Eye" (s3 e11) TNG: "Tin Man" (s3, e20)

Gleep Glossary: Mon Mothma: Featuring a FULL Discussion of last year's smash hit series, Andor!

Melr0210: 90210: "Cardio Funk" (s2, e23),  Melrose Place: "The Tangled Web"  (s2, e10)

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! Now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION



Our Youtube Channel continues to kick-ass folks! That's where you can catch all the new WHM On-Screen Live episodes as well as see Eric Roberts' Cameo and so much more! We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. We also did a kick ass, STADIUM STYLE mailbag live for you folks! Eric has also put out great clip packages like a clip from our brand-new Chamber of Secretsmentary, Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! You can also watch the entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Expendables 2, City Slickers, Eternals, Saw III, and Resident Evil (2002). Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 




It's back in stock, baby! You can get a KICK ASS edition of the super fun B-Movie Scanner Cop, which includes our commentary track, which isn't available anywhere else! Get yours here! 

Eric and Ben are back in the the blue (ironically of course!) and they're talking about Corrigan's broken brain and mud wrestling! Listen here!  



Did you know that Andrew has a website? No, it's not an OnlyFans (yet), it's a cool blog for some musings and Jupin-centric goings on. Lookit that fancy graphic from Raphael Sarmento! Check it out at andrewjupin.com

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We have some great new designs in, and one of them is the new "Crispy Critters" design from friend of the show, Nathan Hamill!  Also Felipe Sobriero has a fantastic and fun Demono's Pizza shirt any Hellraiser fan would love to have. We also have a ton of great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! 


Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies