Big Daddy Dispatch: October 2022 (Patreon)

Dispatch Sixty Eight, October 2nd, 2022




Greetings WHM Family!

We are now knee deep in Season 13, and what a RAUCOUS start to a season we've had. Chris Cabin got his wish and made us all watch one of the grossest movies we've ever seen, we were also treated to a lovely Cameo appearance by Doctor Beck himself, and we've had two of our favorite guests come by for banger episodes! All that and our final (?) Shrek episode! We've got a ton coming at you this month including a Live appearance (see below), a brand new Sideshow (say, what? See below!) and the mother fucking SPOOKTACULAR! You can't stop us. We do too much, but we refuse to do less because you folks are the best in the goddamn business! 


Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit: Eric Roberts' We Hate Movies Cameo

THE WHM FALL TOUR STARTS THIS MONTH IN CANADA



That's right folks, we are hitting the road AGAIN to four brand-new cities doing movies we've been excited about for years! Let's go through them one by one, shall we?

Thursday October 27th we'll be doing our FIRST INTERNATIONAL SHOW OF ALL TIME, in Toronto, ON on Saw IV!

Then, just a few weeks later we have three stops in the western United States, in cities people have been asking us for YEARS to visit. We're so thrilled to play Denver, CO on November 14th to talk about Matthew Broderick, the first hacker, in War Games! 

Then, the very next night on November 15th, we'll be in Salt Lake City, UT, to do a live episode on Michael Douglas's fuckterpiece, Fatal Attraction!

And finally we'll be wrapping it up in Phoenix, AZ with the beefcake epic Universal Solder! Expect dueling bad impressions of Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme in that one, folks! 

All of these tickets are moving fast and AVAILABLE NOW at Whmpodcast.com/Tour! 

GET YOUR TICKETS NOW, THEY ARE MOVING FAST!

Image Credit: We Hate Movies Fall 2022 Tour by Felipe Sobreiro

WHM ON-SCREEN LIVE: THE 2022 NEW YORK FILM FESTIVAL



You heard that right! Andrew, Chris, and Eric have been spending all week going to screenings at the New York Film Festival at Lincoln Center in beautiful New York City, and they can't wait to tell you all about it! We're bringing back WHM On-Screen in a big, bad, way for Season 13! 

Starting this Sunday, October 2nd at 5pm EST, join the gang for WHM: On-Screen Live as they go through some of the most memorable films they've seen: some good, some not so much, and of course some off-color jokes about festival behavior, food, and God knows what else!

If you're interested in hearing about movies like White Noise, Triangle of Sadness, Master Gardener, Aftersun, and MORE from your favorite podcasters we'll be giving you two ways to do so. These conversations will be broadcast LIVE on the WHM Youtube (which you're subscribed to already, right?) and will remain there in video format. But don't worry audiophiles! The convos will be ripped and released onto the WHM Patreon RSS Feed at the $5.00 level in audio form. 

We'll be doing this for the next three Sundays at 5pm EST (Sunday 10/2, Sunday 10/9, and Sunday 10/16) and you definitely want to check out this amazing new step for your boys! So, get hyped and subscribe already!

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 630 – The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PATRONS ONLY)



Schtoopid hobbitsesses!! Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve continue their voyage to Mordor alongside Sam, Frodo, and their little meth-addict friend who likes jewelry, as the Battle of Helm’s Deep approaches for the rest of the gang. Did we allow these trees to talk too much? How does this look better than every MCU film to date? What has Gandalf been doing since he upgraded to White? Has there been a better battle scene in a major Hollywood production in the last two decades than Helm’s Deep? No. The answer is no.

Episode 631 – Nothing But Trouble

Triumphant from his win on the VHS Trailer Game, Chris leads the gang into Hell to begin the Thirteenth (how can it be so many?) season of We Hate Movies. And by hell, of course we mean Nothing But Trouble, the Dan Aykroyd directorial debut that cast Chevy Chase and Demi Moore as yuppies who piss off the wrong cop and end up in a house of horrors run by the most disgusting creature ever created for the cinema, played by the filmmaker. Is Steve throwing up yet? If the rule Steve followed led him to this, what good was the rule? Is Chris enjoying this just a little too much? Is that a penis on that man’s nose? Keep your eyes out for baby Tupac Shakur about three-quarters of the way through.

Episode 632 – Stone Cold (1991) with Josh Lewis 



Josh Lewis of the Sleazoids podcast returns to the show to talk with the gang about the lone masterpiece of short-lived would-be star Brian Bosworth, in which he helps the feds infiltrate a nationwide biker gang and ends up having to thwart a January 6th style attack led by a very wet Lance Henriksen. Has William Forsyth ever looked this grody and glorious? What exactly is the living situation for Henriksen’s character? Is that Mack’s dad from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? How does this movie rip so hard? Get ready for some fart rock and fart roll, my friends.

Episode 633 – Shrek Ever After

With Puss in Boots 2 just around the corner, the boys return to the wasteland that is the Shrek universe, in which Shrek essentially does a Mr. Destiny after a mid-life crisis leads him to make a deal with the nefarious Rumpelstiltskin. Is this movie supposed to be funny? Why is the first 30 minutes of this movie as grave as the first 30 of City Slickers? Has Pixar caused all other animation studios to lose their minds trying to make kids and adults happy? Can we please stop making these fucking movies? Sadly, this also speaks to the depressingly low quality of movies that bear the name Jon Hamm in their credits.

Episode 634 – Disturbing Behavior with Angelica Jade Bastién



Vulture critic and longtime friend of the show Angelica Jade Bastién returns to talk about how atrocious Blonde is, but she also makes time to talk about this 1998 botch job, starring James Marsden and Katie Holmes as teens trying to evade a brainwashing cult led by Bruce Greenwood. What exactly did they cut out of this movie to make it so difficult to pay attention to? Who started the myth that Katie Holmes is a good actress? Do all educational institutions fundraise by letting kids take sledgehammers to destroy a car on school property? If so, I might have to finally take the plunge and become a teacher.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: I’ve been checking out a lotta TV this month, on top of movies for the show and, every once in a while, movies for pleasure. But here’s a run down of what’s been in front of these big, blue eyes this month:

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power - I’m only one behind on Amazon’s new half-billion-dollar LOTR expansion and I gotta say, I’ve having a good time. I think it looks great, I like the cast, and it seems like certain parts are going in interesting directions. Really digging Morfydd Clark as Galadriel. My biggest beef is that it’s a pretty large cast and with so many story lines yet to connect or cross over—things feel a bit disjointed still. But I’m definitely keeping on with it, that’s for sure. Would also like to give another hearty “Get Over Yourself, Asshole” to all those cretins out there whining about Black hobbits and dwarves and what-not. Come on, folks…  

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law - Tatiana Maslany is great as Jennifer Walters/She-Hulk, but almost everything else around her falls short in every episode so far. Besides a few decent supporting characters, I’m not finding much here. The writing is super not-great and I really wish they would’ve just done an arc with Tim Roth for the season instead of tossing that away in a single episode. This is so far the worst Marvel show I’ve watched, and keep in mind I saw the entirety of Moon Knight, people! 

The Boys - I finally finished the third season of Amazon’s superhero satire and it wound up being another home run in my book. I really love the cast and was most pleasantly surprised by all they did with Kimiko and Frenchie, two characters who I worried were starting to get left back in season two. Laz Alonso is, as always, so great as Mother’s Milk, and he also got a lot of deep stuff to do this season. Karl Urban continues to rule the goddamn school. Truly wish Hollywood saw the value in my dude the way we do here at WHM. 

Star Trek: Lower Decks - Speaking of things with the reliably hilarious Jack Quaid, I’ve been slowly getting through season two of the latest animated Trek adventure and I’m having a blast with it. Really dig all the voice performances and I love how every single episode, you can tell is being written by fans of the franchise. Not in a pandering way at all, just really confident and passionate and clearly loving what they’re doing. It’s great. 

Okay, and now for a quick list of movies I watched or re-watched this month that I would and would not recommend:

WOULD: Resurrection, Irma Vep, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers, Pearl, The Empty Man, and MOTHERFUCKIN’ CONFESS, FLETCH

WOULD NOT: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Do Revenge, Senior Year

Chris: It’s been all New York Film Festival lately, and I’ll leave my thoughts on those films when we cover them on the YouTube stream (see above), which helps me narrow down what to talk about here. Here’s a few that have been on my mind lately:

The Munsters (2022) – Bizarre and charmingly low-budget, to the point where I kinda want to give it a second chance, but just barely. Zombie is loyal to a fault on this one, in that the humor does largely just feel like sitcom humor. Slightly polished sitcom humor is, however, still sitcom humor and none of it goes beyond a mild smirk. It all comes off as a clever-enough homage to OG horror TV, down to the rigid editing and largely stiff acting, and that might have been something if this was a streaming show or actual TV show. As a movie, I found it difficult to engage with as anything but a pleasant trifle.

Barbarian – An absolute blast. Everyone was right for hyping this one up and did so without ruining anything about it. An inspired use of Justin Long, especially in the final 30 minutes. Good job, everyone! Consensus is good!

Dragons Forever – Corey Yuen, the man behind The Transporter, directed this frustratingly scatterbrained action-comedy, but the god himself Sammo Hung handled the fights and co-stars with Jackie Chan, who plays a good-at-heart lawyer who turns against the toxic corporation he’s defending. The action works and there are some inspired bits of comic invention, but the second half of this movie gets notably more cluttered and difficult to care about when the fists aren’t flying. As far as Chinese action films go, I was much more taken with Hapkido, the ’78 Drunken Master, Breaking News, Duel to the Death and Dirty Ho, all of which I also saw this month and more-or-less loved

Eric:  I'm going to leave the New York Film Festival talk to the special On Screens, so here's a quick round up Non-Fest shit I liked:

Confess, Fletch: Dug it a lot. Check it out ASAP so people make comedies again.

Pushover (1954): a late era Fred MacMurray noir where detectives watch ladies through binoculars. But relax, it's for work! Sorta.

Johnny Mnemonic (in Black & White): I was skeptical about this new Blu-ray re-release but it hit for me more than ever before. I'm sure I was harsh on this movie in our original episode but in B&W it just feels more focused and tighter, not sure how, but it does!

Memorial Day (2000): This is a gutter doc of sorts—people partying and drinking with a VHS camcorder before the world ended the following year. A beautiful cultural artifact. I think someone found the tape and edited it down and the results are spectacular. Pretty sure it's on YouTube.

I also finished up all the Sartana movies. Get on those if you like spaghetti westerns. Dude rocks a Dracula-like cape coat and uses gadgets/tricks to kill people.

I also managed to squeeze in a Kung fu movie this month and it's a doozy. It also reminds me I need to keep watching them! It's called Five Element Ninjas. And yes, the "water ninjas" dress in blue. It also has so many killer moments, but I especially enjoyed our heroes ripping a ninja's arms and legs off simultaneously with chains. Better than Pinhead imo.

Steve: OK! Very busy month and a lotta stuff came in my eyes this month. Yes, I know what I wrote. No, I'm not going to re-write it. You're just going to have to grow up. Let's move on to the round-up...Sheesh.

The Sandman (2022): (Robert Stack voice) UPDATE: I've finished the whole series (EXCEPT the bonus ep with the cats, which I'm saving for October proper). Overall, I still absolutely loved this show but I have to say the second half was definitely weaker than the first. For Dream and the Dreaming the characterization and narrative choices all remain pitch perfect, my beef is that I think that the show has dialed down the macabre elements of the show for tone purposes which I mostly agree with, but for The Dolls House, it makes everything feel too quirky as opposed to scary and disturbing, especially the Cereal Convention, which felt a bit like weak tea to me. I love everything Boyd Holbrook got to do as The Corinthian (and I think it was really smart to make him the Season 1 villain), but I don't think all the residents of Hal's Florida house were as disturbing and flawed as they were in comic series and I think it turned the temperature down a bit, narratively. It's a quibble, because I love this show and I am fucking pumped for Season 2 (WHICH BETTER HAPPEN NETFLIX, YOU FUCKS), I can't wait to see what they do with the rest of the Endless because Mason Alexander Park and Kirby Howell-Baptiste are fucking home runs, oh and I'm totally excited to watch some more of Gwendoline Christie's Lucifer. Yes please. 

Barbarian: Fucking rules. Chris is right. Don't look up anything on this guy, go in cold (hopefully to a theater, but I believe it's streaming this month), go and see it and prepare to lose your socks. 

Moonage Daydream: A really interesting, experiential biopic that wound up leaving me just a touch cold. There's so much gorgeous and interesting David Bowie footage here so when you do see it, you will get what you paid for, however, I think it doesn't dig in as much as I would like it to, and it kind of treats the 90's - 2010's as just one big clump which is very reductive for a very productive period of his life as an artist, so much so I kind of wish they didn't touch on it at all. Anyways, it's a super fun theater watch if you are a Bowie fan and you'd bet your bippy it goes great with a tall glass of water. 

House of the Dragon: OK, I guess? Now it's ten years later and half the cast has been changed but half the cast hasn't? I'm going to give this show a full season before rendering my verdict, but honestly I'm not feeling the time jump or the pacing at all thus far. I really enjoyed watching Emily Carey and Milly Alcock play off each other and that's just...over and now the characters are completely different and only care about their children...who I have barely met. OK. Let's see where we are in a few weeks.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Steve from Richmond, VA who asks: 

"What horror franchise universe would you LEAST like to inhabit as a background character? A homeowner on Elm St? One of Ash’s buds in Evil Dead? A crew member on any ship in the Alien franchise? Note that in this scenario you aren’t a main character so you have no plot armor!"

Andrew: Oh, it’s gotta be, well, Texas, from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and all follow-up sequels. I mean, you’re out there in a bunch of houses and various structures that guaranteed smell like shit, you’re eating your friends ground-up and squeezed into sausage tubes, the terrifying noise of chainsaws waking you up every morning, and, perhaps worst of all, you’re, ya know, living in fucking Texas, man… 

Chris: There is an objective answer to this: Puppet Master. It’s bad enough that we allow these haunted hunks of garbage entertain our children and elderly, right? If we’re also living in a world where these little menaces, relics from an age where they packed the cocaine and heroin next to the tooth paste on the shelf, are able and allowed to pick up weaponry and take down humans at a clip, you can just count me out. Whether that means I’m doing the triple lindy off of the Golden Gate or just moving to the middle of the woods to do the Christopher McCandless speed run is irrelevant. Dream demons, silent murderers, and killer klowns are all already a part of real life in America. That’s fine, but I will not live with murderous puppets. That’s the line I will not cross.

Eric: Well, probably Hellraiser? Although I find the concept of Hell flawed at best. I mean, torture and all that forever? How would you not just get used to it and shrug it off? Those chains and being skinned would be akin to your morning commute. Yeah, yeah. Rip my flesh off. When's lunch? That said, Hellraiser has probably one of the least entertaining villains (in my opinion; your mileage might vary.) I know Jason and Michael are silent, which is good to be honest because they just get that shit over with. And at least I could have a conversation with Freddy. What would Pinhead and I even talk about? Dude is obsessed with toy boxes. I just can't get into it! 

Steve: Here's an answer: Bram Stoker's Dracula. And here's why, I haven't done a full Ancestry.com workup but I'm going to guess that in no timeline has a Sajdak ever been remotely well off. So, now I'm just some poor fucking boot black in England, vaguely aware of the death that walks working 19-hour days eating bread crust and watery stews? No fucking thank you. Unless you can promise me a castle and gold anything before 1975 is absolutely out of the question.

2022 SPOOKTACULAR:SCHEDULE. WHM GOES TO FRANCHISE TOWN

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out this month! 

Episode 635—  Hellraiser: Bloodline 

Episode 636 —  Halloween II (1981)

Episode 637 —  The Exorcist III

Episode 638  —  Leprechaun 2 with James Janise and Chelsea Rebecca 

Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Halloween (1978)

Animation Damnation — Aaahh!!! Real Monsters: "The Switching Hour" (s1,e1)

The Nexus: TOS: "The Tholian Web" (s3 e9) TNG: "Sins of the Father" (s3, e17)

Gleep Glossary: Dannik Jerriko

Melr0210: 90210: "A Competitive Edge" (s2, e20) Melrose Place: "Flirting With Disaster"  (s2, e7)

Once in a Lifetime: The Sitter (2007)

WHM On-Screen Live: The New York Film Festival: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

Q3 Synchable Commentary: Friday the 13th (1980)




Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! Now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION



Our Youtube Channel continues to kick-ass folks! That's where you can catch all the new WHM On-Screen Live episodes as well as see Eric Roberts' Cameo and so much more! We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. Eric has also put out great clip packages like Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! You can also watch the entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Big Bully, Ready Player One, Eternals, Saw III, and Resident Evil (2002). Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 



We just want to let you folks know that the Scanner Cop 1 & 2 collection is back in stock on the Vinegar Syndrome website! Why should you care? Well, A.) Those movies are awesome and B.) Scanner Cop features a synchable, hilarious commentary by your friends at We Hate Movies! Get your copy now before it's off the market! 

Eric and Ben are opening up the Blame it on Outer Space Vault on the Hooked on TJ Hooker feed and we couldn't be happier! Check out this month's entry which is a classic ep with Justin J. Case from 2012! Listen here!  

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We've got awesome new designs including a  MINGO (copyright forthcoming) shirt from MelR0210 by (you guessed it) Felipe Sobreiro! We also have a ton of great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! See you next month for WE LOVE MOVIES MONTH! 

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies