Father Fuck (Fook) Character Sheet (Patreon)

I got a commission job to do a character sheet for MysteryMouse

His halfling priest works as a whore to get donations for his church. Such a dedicated soul. 

He doesn't worship a god in particular, he mostly has a oath of spreading love and happiness. So for those wondering why he's not a Cleric, here's the TL;Dr: Clerics MUST get powers from a GOD, Paladins get powers from an Oath. It can be an oath to a god, but is not required.

 Originally I was going to speck up as a Redemption Paladin for all the protection abilities, but I was shown something called the Oath of Love: 

https://walrock-homebrew.blogspot.com/2016/07/sacred-oath-oath-of-love-remaster.html

A homebrew subclass made by Walrock ( or I think that's their name)

Anyway, here's his sheet.

Details:

Race

Fuck is designed for RP aspects of dnd. Not combat. Not to say that he can't be useful, but he as a role to play and it's getting that dick and gold.

As a Halfing, you get +2 to Dex, you count as a small sized creature, and have 25ft of movement. As a racial bonus, you get 3 feats right out the gate. 

Lucky (OP): reroll any natural 1 you get on a D20

Brave: You have advantage on saving throws against being frightened.

Halfling Nimbleness:  You can move through the space of any creature that is bigger than you. 

As a Lightfoot Halfing you also get +1 to your Charisma and another racial feat.

Naturally Stealthy: You can hide behind anyone bigger than you.

Class

 When you go Paladin, pick Persuasion and Religion as your skills. He's a priest after all; so he got to know what he's preaching about. At lv 1, you get Lay on Hands, a pool of healing you can give to anyone you touch (5x paladin lv) and Divine Sense which works like Detect good and Evil (can use 1+CHAR modifier per long rest)

Abilities Scores

Fuck's character is all about Performance and Persuasion so Charisma should be your top stat, with either Constitution or Wisdom to be your next choice. Fuck is not a fighter and if he does it'll mostly be through support or spells and Charisma is you spell modifier. 

Example: (patial rolling: take one 18, and 10. Roll for the other skills. Add racial bonus)

Str: 10 (+0)    Dex: 11 (+0)    Con: 14 (+2)    Int: 13 (+1)    Wis: 15 (+2)    Char: 19(+4)

Background

The Whore background gives you proficiency in Performance and Perception skills while also knowledge of how to use a disguise kit. Use this to get pretty, keep an eye out for guards, and ride that dick. 

Equipment

Fuck really doesn't have a need to fight, so might as well make weapons multi purpose. Take Whip for some kinky fun, and a quarter staff as a pole to dance on. Normally, Fuck wouldn't need any armor, but if he needs to protect himself he does have some chain mail. Apart from that take a Priest's Pack and you're good to go.

Level 2

Fuck gets magic, a Fighting Style, and Divine Smites

Take the Protection Fighting Style: Use your reaction to possible make an attack meant for someone next to you miss. You do need a shield to do it though. Ask your DM if Shield of Faith would count. 

Divine Smite: Melee attacks can get extra damage if you use a spell slot to do it. 2d8 at lv1 and +1d8 for each level higher. +1d8 if the target is undead or a fiend.  

Spells

At lv 2 Fuck can use spells. Fuck is a Divine Caster, so that means, he can prepare any Paladin spell after a long rest. However, he can only prepare a number of spells equal to his Charisma modifier + half his paladin level. (at level 4 he can pick 7 spells to cast at any time throughout the day)

Recommended spells for Fuck are:

Bless

Cure Wounds

Shield of Faith

Protection from Good and Evil

Lv3 Oath of Love

At lv3, Fuck can take the Oath of Love; which grants him 1 class abilities and 2 unique Channel Divinities

Sense Ardor: Gets you a detailed information dump of a humanoid's love life. (must not be brain dead)

Passion's Prowess (Channel Divinity): Give all friends temporary HP equal to 2xChar mod for one minute

Heart's Desire (Channel Divinity): Charm someone into thinking they've completed their lives goal, or finding something they really wanted. You know what it is. They're completely zonked out and so long as they're not hit or immune to charm effects they are completely out of it for a whole minute. 

Also at lv3 Paladins get Divine Health: You are immune to disease. So no STDs

LV 4

At lv 4, Paladins get an ability score increase or a feat of you choice. Take the Second Chance Feat, a feat only for Halflings. This increases an ability or your choice, (charisma) and once per fight you can use your reaction to force someone who's attacking you to reroll their attack. (not disadvantage, reroll the entire attack)