The Gamer Chapter 1337 – Leet (Patreon)

John reached the bottom of the winding corridors and emerged in a room that was more machine than flesh. As a matter of fact, it was way more machine than flesh, to the point that the biological bits seamlessly integrated into an incredibly old-timey computer. Beeps and bops all around intermingled with that dial-up sound that John was nostalgic for despite having entered the internet several years after it had been phased out.


“I see you have found…” the farmer started behind John, only for the Gamer to blast his head off immediately. He did not care for inconsequential NPC dialogue right now. Instead, he turned to the massive retro construction at the centre of the room. Individual red, green, and blue lights blinked at various points of the crude metal chassis of the entirely unfitting metal construction.

‘This really was not Gaia’s A-game,’ he thought. ‘Like a… badly cobbled together first draft of something great or something. I don’t know.’

‘Maybe you’re just missing the great metaphors, huh?’

“1 4M 743 U53LN37 B0W B3F0R3 M3.“

John pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Did you just actually understand that?’ the alchemist in his pocket asked.

‘Look, when you’re a nerd without friends and you have a lot of time, you learn stupid things. Some learn Elvish, others learn Klingon and I may have learned to speak Leet-Speak.’ It was actually easier than ever before. Once he had identified what he was dealing with (Uselnet being Usenet was not even a bit creative), his Intellect just manifested the sounds as a written-out sentence in his head.

‘Wow, that is sad. You’re a sad creature, John.’

‘So you never did something extremely embarrassing when you were younger?’

‘Nope, I had all the friends. All of them. Every single one.’

‘I heard different things from Nightingale.’

‘Never listen to Gale when it comes to my social life!’

‘So, how do you want me to deal with this?’ John forced the topic back on rails. ‘Personally, I would just blow this up and go ho- Oh my God, I just realized what the cosmic event is.’

‘Well, don’t leave me hanging, stud?’ That word should be illegal to be used casually by women he was not engaged with, but he let that slide for now.

‘Gaia likes to watch me on a TV, or something like that. This must be the 1337th ‘episode’. That… terribly wonderful deity is patronizing me.’ It was just a guess, but between what he was dealing with, the suddenness, and the joke at play, the Gamer would have bet that he was right. There was no pop-up confirming or denying his theory, only Delicia’s laughter. ‘What do you find so funny?’

‘You are so annoyed! It’s hilarious!’

John grumbled something out loud, which caused the Uselnet to address him again. “WHY D0 Y0U N07 B0W?”

“Just shut up,” the Gamer responded to the machine.

Lights all over blinked and died. “D035 N07 C0MPU73.”

“JU57 54U7 UP!” the Gamer translated, rubbing his temples. The roaring, mocking laughter got even louder. ‘Can you just decide so we can get you your body already?!’

‘Y-you hahaahah- you can do what y-ouu-uu wa-ahahahaha-nnnt!’

‘I’m a man of my word and my word was I let you decide.’

‘Just… phew…’ Delicia was calming down now, ever so slowly. ‘Just blow it up, I got everything I ever wanted out of this… nerd.’

John was feeling the slightest bit ashamed at the insult. It would have been nice if the Uselnet would have been a sturdy enemy he could have taken his annoyance out on at least, but it was just a computer capable of speech. Half a dozen Blast Rays later, the thing was absolutely wrecked. The Quest was marked as finished, the Adventure as done.

‘This may have been the weirdest one so far,’ he thought, after exiting. The Artificial Kingdoms really had a tendency of being narrative messes with little to no narrative sense. ‘At least it has been largely entertaining.’

‘And it has proven that the world gives me what I want if I just complain enough!’ Delicia declared. ‘Which one of us is the wish fulfilment engine, huh?’

‘…I suppose you could see it that way.’

______________________________________________________________________________

The moment he was back in the real world and his mental network came back online in full force, he spread the news. It was the second time there was an emergency harem gathering during this vacation – for the fourth potential addition in less than two months, no less.

Well, the gathering itself was actually just about being there when Delicia got her body and the consequent Perk selection. Whether she joined or not was a question still a hand width in the air. With all the conversation had today, John did not feel like pushing her any further on that topic today.

John had put up the Adventure Instant Dungeon just outside their property. By the time he got back, preparations were already well underway. Aclysia, Beatrice, and Claire were fetching the optimal selection of starting metals they had come up with. Because an Artificial/Natural Spirit needed to absorb materials, the primary way of absorption was eating, a gradual increase of the hardness of the metals eaten was required for a smooth ascension along the material quality.

While they waited, John handed the core over to a very excited Nightingale. The harpy had showered him in kisses and thanks once she had seen him. Even more kisses than usual and a lot more loving words.

‘God, I love doing things for my women. They are amazing.’ John was in the kitchen of the bus pouring himself a glass of orange juice. That was the taste of home. ‘Just when I think I am peak self-motivated, they come along and let me know that the greatest pleasure in the world is doing things for them. Ah, Nightingale is adorable.’ He emptied the glass in one go. He gave the kitchen counter a high frequency drumming. Excited and happy only began to describe his current state. Another successful day on which he had only done what he felt like and the highlight was yet to come.

Another glass of orange juice later, he left the bus again to find his harem gathered. On the Abyssal side, since they could hardly put Delicia together in the mundane realm. Some of the haremettes were around Nightingale, passing the core between them. The majority waited until communications were less binary.

The maids emerged from the teleporter. They marched to the central grill, something that had grown more elaborate and impressive with every passing day. What had once been a random bit of rock around a fireplace now was a carefully crafted cooking station with a proper ventilation system for the coal and a level stone floor all around it. Only that last detail really mattered to the situation.

Claire put down a large box she was carrying. Aclysia and Beatrice then proceeded to empty metal out of their inventory into it. They put the hardest stuff at the bottom and the softest at the top. Because Delicia was a Natural Spirit, she had the advantage of not requiring a Perk that made her skin feel the right way, so they needed no silicone in the mix.

“Alright, time to go,” John said and extended his hand towards Nightingale. The harpy exchanged a couple of words with Delicia, then groaned out loud. “She just told you you’re being way too sappy, didn’t she?” he predicted.

“No reverence for the weight of the situation,” Nightingale complained and extended her foot. The core dropped heavy into John’s hand.

‘Will you waste my time too or can you do this right?’ the smug brat asked.

‘We have to negotiate the terms of your contract,’ the Gamer told her. ‘First off, for the duration of your stay as a Natural Spirit under my contract, you must wear the same uniform as the rest of my maids.’

‘That’s risky. All of your other maids have such small tits, right? Mine will pop right out of that chest piece.’

‘It’s quite stretchy, but it will show a lot of cleavage,’ John told her. ‘You accept or not?’

‘I mean, it’s your eyes that will be glued to me all the time, so sure, knock yourself out on my knockers, you starer.’

‘Great, condition two, I want you to sort the joining question out with Nightingale quickly. I’m not courting you any further unless I have a clear answer.’

‘…Will try. Now, for my conditions! I want you to make me a portable device that can do all 49 basic alchemical processes with an output of up to ten litres per day.’

‘Consider it done,’ John told her.

‘If you fail, there’ll be a punishment game,’ she teased him.

‘If I succeed, I’ll get to string you up, gag you, and spank you.’

‘Deal!’ she agreed a bit too quickly for smugness alone to be the reason. ‘Second condition, I get to decide all my own Perks.’

‘That goes without saying.’

‘I dunno, you talk a lot. I doubt you can do anything without saying.’

‘It will be riveting to have both you and Momo around,’ John stated drily. She laughed at him. There was no intent for further statements between them. The wanted window opened.


‘The things we do for love,’ John thought and pressed Delicia’s core into a specially shaped piece of iron. Then he pressed the confirm button. An automatic activation of Create bound the metal to the core. John pulled his hand back in time for the grey, animated metal to enclose the green crystal sphere.

‘Oh, this is weird,’ Delicia said in his mind. ‘You’re a lot… closer.’

‘Hello,’ Claire joined the conversation. ‘You’re in the greatest place of all time: John’s head. Look at all of those loving, adoring, beautiful, brilliant thoughts he has! Don’t you just want to… lose yourself in how great he is? Hmmm, Master’s perfect mind, assertive and understanding of everything that happens around him. I love it so much. IloveitIloveitIloveitI…’

Aclysia grabbed the thoughts of the obsessive vampire by the proverbial scruff of the soul and pulled her back. ‘I heavily advise you concentrate on your physical manifestation before exploring the depths of our mental connections.’

John seconded that by simply transferring his intent – a process much easier now that their connection was soul to soul not soul through mana to soul. The physical barrier removed made a large difference, like pulling a resistor out of an electrical system.

The tiny little sphere of metal began to move. Delicia exerted her first conscious influence over her new form. Whereas the Artificial Spirits had been created with the instinctive capacity and Claire had acquired it long before John came along, the alchemist had to start from scratch. It took her several minutes of fumbling around before she managed to absorb her first bits of metal shavings.

John went back to his chair and enjoyed himself a nice cold beer, while letting the process play out. There were many Perk selections to be made, but he did not want to distract Delicia when she was struggling with this task. It took her another ten minutes to gather enough mass to put together a tiny version of her body. To keep up the barest minimum of decency, John averted his gaze as she continued.

“I really just eat this?” he heard her voice out loud for the first time in weeks, once she had made it all the way through the pile. There was only the maid outfit that needed to be consumed now.

“That is the most convenient way,” Aclysia affirmed.

The previous sounds of munching metal were replaced by the tearing of cloth and mumbled words. “It’s sho weird that thish tashtes good.”

“Delicia, mind your manners,” Nightingale pleaded.

“It’sh whatever,” the alchemist waved off.

John finished his second beer just in time. A mental signal reached him and he turned his camping chair around.

There she stood: the shortstack. Well, one could disagree if a girl of 1,49 metres was really a shortstack. That was a question of where one set the cut-off line. There were those that said a shortstack was a woman whose head was at waist height of the average male, perfect to give standing blowjobs. Then there was the camp that said the chest was the most important area: a shortstack clearly had to be able to give standing titfucks. The last camp’s motto was: ‘I know it when I see it’.

John was in the latter. Delicia was short, by his standards, and she was stacked, by all standards. Tits that could rival Salamander’s stretched the white frilly chest of his personal maids’ uniform to such a limit that the cloth was practically smooth. The enormity was only emphasized by how much shorter she was than the other two highly stacked haremettes around. The curve of her waist was not as narrow as that of the taller women, giving her a slightly stouter appearance, yet she was firmly in the hourglass category. Wide hips and thick thighs made absolutely certain of that.

“Already checking me out, eh?” Delicia asked, raising one hand to her chin. Fingers underlined a broad, mocking smile, which spread the natural light pink colour of her lips. Her blue eyes matched the expression of her smugness. Her greyish blonde bangs matched the rest of her short hair – John had expected that colour to shift to proper blonde, but it appeared this part of the damage from her previous condition stuck around. “Just can’t keep your eyes off me, oh, whatever will I do?” She thrust her hips out in one direction, revealing an absolutely awe-inspiring amount of hips and thigh. Even seeing her from the front, John knew she had that dumptruck of an ass. The suspenders of the standard issue thigh-highs were digging into the squishy meat.

Restored to prime physical condition, she was visibly thicker than before, and that fat stuck to all the right places. Delicia kept laughing and flaunting her curves. She bounced, carefree, and her tits jiggled with such intensity that they absolutely would have popped out of her clothes if said clothes had not been part of her. Then she turned around, actually gave him a teasing view of that fat ass, and John felt a near lethal amount of blood drain from his brain straight into his cock.

“Delicia!” Nightingale cried out.

“Relax, Gale, it’s just John.”

“He is my voracious John,” Nightingale pointed out. That shut Delicia up and the two friends looked at each, both blushing as the implications and complications that came with that became apparent again. They would have to resolve that soon now. John demanded it, not just for his own patience’s sake, but for the two of them too. It would do nobody any good if Delicia was just attached to their social life with no clarity of what happened next. “We will talk about this later,” Nightingale said, calmly.

“Yeah,” Delicia agreed.

John clapped his hands, to get their attention. His smile conveyed his approval about that little exchange while he said, “Let’s get the Perks out of the way then.” He pressed the button and was absolutely overwhelmed by the selection. He would have to get through Aclysia, Beatrice, Claire, Delicia, Momo and Metra on each of the thresholds now. Not that his Gamer mind minded extensive Perk selection stretches.

Due to her just joining, there were a bunch of Perks for Delicia specifically.

Of course, he started with that.