Chapter 230 - Waiting for the evening. (Patreon)

The grinding went about without incident. First, he and Thana took care of two of the quest’s conditions, that took about 7 hours. Even with Thana trivializing every enemy group, they still had to explore all of the dungeons in order to find the boss rooms. That was, to put it bluntly, a lot of walking. Also, returning to the house to drop a full Flask of Grinding on Rave’s cat-eared head was a thing that delayed them.

So, they got that done around 13 o’clock. The 25 dungeons part, that is. On average they needed about twenty minutes. Waves were usually over in a flash, but floors took considerably more time, especially if they were the underground type.

When they were about to go and hunt down the 2000 enemies, Lydia stopped them. “Here,” she said and handed John a new flask. It looked a lot like the old one, an overly long neck on a round main body that was flattened at the button.

“Huh,” John grunted and turned the flask in his hand; it would save him a lot of trips back and forth. It also seemed totally innocent, not like something that sucked up the soul of the dead and created a potion from it. “It was a real challenge to find this. Refilling potions are rare in the first place, but Soulpotions seem to be particularly bothersome to create,” Lydia told him.

“I wonder why people who have these don’t just abuse those,” John thought; “I mean, all you need to do is power-grind some dungeons. Essentially what I am doing, but less effective.” “Several reasons,” Lydia, who, without a doubt, had done her research, told him, “for a start, these seem to resonate with your ability to increase other people’s level. So, it won’t work like you propose without you in the first place.”

“Interesting,” John mumbled, “I thought it already pretty strong that you were able to level like me, albeit much slower, in the first place. Well, I guess this is more of a catch-up mechanism so you don’t fall too far behind. Ah, how nice and OP it would be if you would get all of my other abilities as well when we are in a group. It would be so bonkers if you guys had Gamer’s Body and could learn things with Skillbooks and the likes.”

“That does indeed sound like an ability that would break reality,” Lydia agreed before presenting the rest of her research; “For normal people, these flasks provide a boost in experience as well, but in another way. Basically, it increases their concentration while learning and makes the acquiring of muscle memory faster. It is helpful, but not by so much that it justifies the abhorrent monetary investment I had to make to get my hands on this so fast.”

“And you think with me around it will be?” John asked. Lydia folded her hands behind her back and looked at him in her usual stern way, “As far as I am concerned, every one of your ‘levels’ I can get that gives me an edge over enemies in the tournament is a worthwhile investment. If this rises the efficiency of that endeavour, it is enough for me.”

“Can we fucking continue now?!” Thana shouted over, she was standing at the entrance to the gardens just waiting for John to get his ass moving again. “On my way,” he shouted back. He was stopped, however, by Lydia clearing her throat while tactfully raising her hand.

“Would you lend me your ear for a last moment, John Newman,” she requested and gestured him closer with her already raised hand. Interested, John obliged. “I must say that my investment in you has been majorly rewarding already,” she said in a tone that struggled to find sweetness, despite clearly trying to, “so take this flask as my gift.” She kissed him on the cheek and then stepped away from him. “Now off with you, I have paperwork to attend to,” she announced, slightly red in the face and whirled around, the braid flying wildly.

John grinned like the fool he was when he returned to Thana, putting the old flask into his inventory. Thana rolled her eyes and gestured for him to lower his head. Crossing his arms, John continued to smile, now mockingly. “Want to kiss me too?” “And what If I fucking want to do that?” Thana countered as if she was being accused of something; “Now get down here, you tall bastard!”

He did and the giant grin Thana flashed should have been warning enough. Sadly, he did not have the reaction time to do anything about what followed. Thana’s face vanished from his field of view as the tiny master of blood magic and crazed laughter executed a perfect kick to the side of his head that sent him flying.

-666 HP. The initial kick’s damage. -133 HP. He bounced from the garden floor like a skipping stone. -48. One more bounce. -96. He flew through the empty gate and crashed against the wall in the exit building, plaster raining down on him as it broke of the badly maintained wall and revealed the blank stones behind.

He got up with a slight cough; dust had gotten into his lungs. Highly uncomfortable. Snickering, Thana stepped out a moment later. “What was that for?” John wanted to know, brushing the dust of his clothes. He did his best to sound angry, but, really, he was just perplexed.

“Rave punches you all the time!” Thana cried out as if he had just accused her of murdering a basket full of kittens. “Yeah, playfully,” John checked his suit for any damage. A largely needless gesture; the thing was made to double as his battle equipment and thus had some fairly good defensive capabilities after all.

It wasn’t great at physical protection, so it failed at being actual armour. John had decided to go with protection against elemental attacks and shenanigans like acid instead. In his mind, anything that managed to get into melee range and then break through Mana Protection would fuck him up no matter how thick an armour he wore. 

Back to the topic at hand. “When Jane punches me, it’s rarely even painful; you just kicked me into a different dimension,” he gestured at the door, “literally.” “Well, move your ass quicker and don’t make me jealous and we won’t have that fucking problem again,” Thana growled and crossed her arms.

“What are you suddenly jealous about?” John burst out; “You just spent the whole night fucking the rest of my harem!” “Yeah, and it was awesome. Little known fact though, you ass,” she raised one hand and tapped against the side of her head, “I am still train-fucking mumble brained…” John raised an eyebrow as Thana’s words slowly became quieter.

She looked at John, studying his facial expression for a bit. “You are telling me kicking someone in the face is not the correct thing to do when I am jealous?” she finally asked. “Well, no,” John said. He didn’t know what the correct response to jealousy was, it was an ugly feeling. Violating his face was not among the healthy solutions though.

“It felt pretty fucking right though,” Thana mumbled; she looked at John and the dots in her eyes were spinning slowly, showing at least a slight bit of remaining agitation; “As a matter of fact, the idea is still REALLY tempting,” her eyes darted to his health bar, “you COULD survive another loving ass-whooping like that, just saying.”

She flashed a dangerous grin and cracked her neck, “Come on, just let me gently almost-but-not-completely break your fucking neck.” “How about we don’t do that?” John suggested and slowly inched away from Thana by stepping along that wall. Her eyes followed him and the dots were slowly speeding up.

One foot forward, the largely unclothed blood mage stepped towards John, slowly. He wrecked his brain for an answer. ‘Fuck it, caution to the wind!’ he thought and jumped at Thana in an attempt to hug her or something. Would have maybe worked under other circumstances, but now that she was the slightest bit worked up, her superhuman reflexes were fully operational. She had already dodged before his feet got off the ground.

John stumbled over an outstretched leg she left in his path and would have, very inelegantly, landed on his face if Thana wouldn’t have caught him at the wrist. He turned his head to see a wild grin. “Chillax, butt-munch, I won’t actually kick your ass again,” she said with an insane snicker. His muscles relaxed and Thana let go of his arm. He managed to catch himself in a panicked motion.

“I am going to spank your ass red and fuck that smugness out of you once I am allowed to use my dick again!” John, now actually a bit angry, announced. Of course, that wasn’t exactly a threat suitable for Thana, whose eyes glinted with happiness, “Shit, really? Sounds awesome!”

“Just…urgh,” John pinched the bridge of his nose; “Okay, lessons in being a human number, dunno, 132? Don’t punch people just because you feel like it.” “I kicked you though,” Thana pointed out, her smile betraying that she just wanted to annoy him at this point.

“Thana,” John raised his most warning tone, “my patience is running thin.” The dots froze and so did the blood mages smile. “Are you seriously mad at me?” she asked, shocked, “shit, sorry, I just thought that…” John raised a hand so that she stopped talking.

“Okay, let’s run this through slowly. So, you became jealous of Lydia when she kissed me, correct?” John asked. “Yeah,” Thana answered. “In the future, when you feel jealous, I want you to think about why for a moment. Then, if you might, please talk to the people involved to see if there is a non-violent solution to things.”

A moment of silence. “The best solution I can think of is kicking you in the face, like really fucking hard,” she finally admitted. “What’s the second-best solution?” John sighed. With slight hesitation, Thana took his hand. She was learning quickly, the percentage of things she broke was under 50% of things touched now. John trusted her enough to believe that she wouldn’t break his hand.

SNAP. John’s body tensed for a moment as his little finger shattered. “Shit,” Thana let go of his hand, “sorry, forget it, I am happy now.” Her hastily spoken words were entirely unconvincing, and so John reached her his hand. “It’s alright,” he said with a calming smile; “I am not necessarily happy to be your punching bag, but I will survive if you learn how to control yourself and be happy in return.”

They locked eyes, and slowly, Thana reached for his hand again. Her touch was still uncomfortably tight, but nothing broke. She put his hand on her tits.

Now that was not the romantic gesture John had expected.

Months of daily sex had trained his hands to automatically fondle the softness of breasts. Before he could stop himself, his fingers were already digging in. Wonderfully, the warm flesh, filled with the hopes and dreams of mankind, welcomed his touch. His hand started to circle just the slightest bit, the leather that separated his palms from naked, smooth skin was awfully hot. The feeling of her nipple slowly hardening under his touch, a reaction of what was happening, which was mirrored by the tightness in his pants.

Knowing that nothing could come of this for another 11 hours, he rose his hand once Thana started panting with half-closed eyes. “Spank me…” she said, her eyes lustfully glancing up to him. The light in her eyes turned fairly quickly into mischief, “…daddy.”

And like that, his boner was gone. “Let’s just continue to farm,” he said in the voice of a man who was defeated; “I will note for the future though: if you are freaking out, I should punch you, and when you are being a jealous bitch, I should molest you. Thana, you are super screwed up.” “You know it,” the insane girl giggled; “I am getting used to it as well. Maybe I won’t actually be able to get this head of mine right but just learn to somehow get along with everyone else?”

“That’s actually what we call being normal,” John pointed out; “You will be hard-pressed to find someone who isn’t slightly wrong in the head. We just generally hide it and let it out when we are with people we trust.” “So, what you are saying,” Thana slowly spoke, “is that it’s enough if I learn not to fuck-over all my problems by punching them dead?” “Also, not to offend people with whatever you say. You don’t have to get along with everyone, but a bit of niceness would help.” “Can fucking try,” Thana agreed.

She stretched with a sigh of relief, “Fucking hell, and here I thought I had to act all normal and shit in the future. So, all I need to do is learn how to be acceptable to the faggotry that is humanity. I can do that. At least I fucking hope so.” “I’ll be the judge of that,” John told her; “At least if you are willing to stick around me.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I have literally nowhere else to go,” Thana said, then, panicked, she added; “You are not trying to get rid of me, are you? John, you ass, I need you, don’t do that to me. I literally don’t know if you would survive trying to ditch me. I can not guarantee for whether or not your head will end inside your girlfriend’s ass, which you seem to love so fucking much.”

“Jes-“ John stopped himself, saying that name triggered Thana way too hard, “ehem, calm down. I won’t ditch you…although you maybe should try not threatening me with bloody murder if I do as much as accidentally suggest it.” “I am a bad bitch, sue me!” Thana said, her voice breaking between angst and happy laughter.

“That you are indeed…whatever, back to farming for serious now, we have important business in the evening.” “Right, Richard Ratdick,” Thana mused, her mood now swung back into complete happiness again.

John couldn’t help but giggle. “What’s so funny, bone-bargo’ed?” Thana wanted to know. “I am just getting dangerously used to you being all over the place,” John told her; “It’s kind of cute.” “I’ll show you cute!” Thana growled, blushing; “Cute is when I punch the next monster I see into a bloody pulp.”

Which is exactly what she did once they went into the next dungeon. Killing 2000 enemies took another forty-five minutes. They had already scouted the best dungeon. Unsurprisingly it was the troll arena. The crowd had about a thousand trolls. Well, to be exact, the spawn range seemed to be between 800 and 1000, as the fact that they needed to do three runs testified.

The rest of the waiting time John spent grinding with the rest of the crew.