The Gamer Chapter 1658 – Days until the Wedding 7 – Short, impudent things (Patreon)

“Master… they’re big, right?” Delicia put the backs of her hands under the base of the squishy bits of her chest. “My boobs,” she added, as if John had been looking anywhere else.

The Gamer was more than a little confused. More than the question itself, it was her bashful delivery that had him delayed in his response. The shortstack pushed up her magnificent breasts a tiny bit, giving John every reason to keep staring. She was wearing a sweater and a skirt, a combination that made the white-haired shortie look extra delicious.

“You are currently teaching me why the word ‘sweater puppies’ became a thing,” John told her. It definitely looked like she could have hidden a pair of puppies in that top. Her breasts were enormous, doubly so thanks to her size. They were big enough that not even the tent that the loose fit of the sweater created could detract from how firm and round they were.

“Right, I’m a cute shortie with big tits, right?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“So why are you currently just copping a feel from her?”

John looked at the other shortie in the room. Eliana was curled up against him, shovelling pudding into her face. The chairs of the cafeteria made the pose a little awkward, but they did it anyway. “I don’t know, availability?”

“I’m totally available!”

“Yeah, but I only have two hands and I need to eat.”

To underline the statement, John loaded some of the gravy soaked potatoes onto his fork and put them in his mouth. The cooking was excellent, as could be expected from Aclysia’s cooking. For several reasons, he was taking lunch in the public cafeteria today, where those that worked in and around the Fusion parliament got their meals.

It was never a truly packed room, for a variety of reasons that started with the sheer extent of the hall and ended with the relatively low population of the Abyss. Even now, during the high activity hours of the late day, there were only about sixty people around.

On days that John went to eat in the cafeteria, Aclysia led the cooking staff. Those days were extremely popular with the people that ate there and unpopular with the staff. That his first maid could be overbearing was widely known at this point and she had standards for his food that were hard to match.

Optically, it would have been better for John if he had refused Aclysia’s service in this matter. He took dinner in the public spaces to appear more relatable, so having his head maid cook for him anyway diminished the point. He may have protested if pure optics had been his primary goal though. He was in the cafeteria so people could approach him outside the usual power structure. It was that time of the week where he, typically, listened to the ideas, proposals, and requests of people he would usually ignore for lack of rank or importance.

Today, he was not approachable at all. Today, he ate out here because he had another meeting shortly after dinner and going home for that would have taken more of his precious time than was worth it.

Sadly, that did mean his private time with these two was greatly diminished.

“Urgh, give that here,” Delicia wrestled the fork from his hand, then began to feed him with a steady hand. His complaints on the matter were silenced by the mouthful of food and rebuked in her mind. This wasn’t helping his pampered image.

‘Well, not like I have a choice in the matter now,’ John thought and squeezed Delicia’s enormous chest.

“You’re such a fucking weirdo.” Eliana shoved the last of the twenty empty glass bowls of pudding away from her. The spoon danced between her knuckles for a few moments, before coming to a still, pointing at the alchemist. “Can you not speak about your tits for like a fucking day?”

“Why would I not speak about my greatest gift, short of my big brain?” Delicia asked.

“Because you’re a fucking caricature?”

“Huh?” Delicia snarled, pointing at Eliana herself now. “That’s rich from a girl whose only two personality traits are ‘I’m psychotic’ and ‘spank me, daddy’.”

“I’d never use that word and you know why!”

“Brilliant rebuttal.”

“How about you rebut your genes for making you stop growing at toddler size, you unstuffed cunt?”

“Can you do anything besides throwing insults?”

“Why would I stop throwing insults when you make it so fucking easy, tits for brains?”

“Psh, like you accomplished one scientific breakthrough that even measures up to the things that I brew in my spare time.”

“Congratulations, you are really fucking good at one thing.”

“That beats your zero by a lot.”

“At least I can admit I’m a fucking los-hngh.”

Eliana stopped with half a moan when John pinched her nipple warningly. An act that Delicia found hilarious to the extreme, laughing in that loud, bratty and smug manner she usually did. One hand sassily raised to deliberately fail to hide her smile, she was still shovelling the food in John’s mouth.

“Look at that, at least you’re good at letting Master put you in your place.”

“Yeah, at least I’m good at that, you bratty semen tank!” Eliana shot right back. “You have to keep goading him into pushing you down.”

“Psh, and?”

“And you’re an obnoxious cunt, that’s what.”

“Awwww, that’s so cute, you think you can insult your way out of being totally uncreative and stupid.”

“I’ll paint you as a Soy Wojak.”

“Huh?”

“You fucking heard me. I’ll paint you as the Soy Wojak and me as the Chad and that will make me win the fucking argument.”

“Huh?!” Delicia and John watched as Eliana pulled a pen out of her private pocket dimension and started to scribble on a napkin. “Are you actually doing that right now?”

“It’s annoying you, so definitely, cum rag.”

“It’s not annoying me!”

“Yeah, yeah, totally not, Soylicia.”

“Soy is a very useful plant used in all kinds of delicious stuff!”

“And this is your face!” Holding up the napkin, Eliana presented her work. The speed at which she could produce high quality illustrations never ceased to amaze John. On the basis of the meme template, she had created a caricature of Delicia, weeping and screaming, and herself with a pronounced chin and a stoic expression.

The display was so utterly ridiculous that John could not help but laugh. A terrible impulse, sending a mouthful of gravy down the wrong tube. It was coughed back out. The Gamer barely managed to grab a napkin in time and push it up against his mouth, before the mixture of laughter and coughing could make him soil himself with the expertly prepared meal.

“You two are going to kill me,” he croaked. “Stop being so funny.”

“”She’s not funny!”” Eliana and Delicia pointed at each other, then glared, then broke out into laughter themselves.

About five minutes later, John had finished all that was on the plate. Rather than stay seated in the cafeteria, he then took his dates out to the gardens.

The parliament building had a wide protrusion that formed much of the roof of the first floor. On it was a vast green area. John had made this design decision for little more reason than liking the aesthetics of it. Vast structures of concrete, brick and mortar could be beautiful, but nothing was ever quite as wonderful as nature. Had John been a religious man, something like ‘there is no greater artist than God’ would have come to mind. As it was, he could at least admit that Gaia had good taste.

Even as they wandered the tranquil greenery, the two short women bickered. “Will you ever wear something else?”

“Fuck you, I hate clothes, this is as much as I am willing to wear,” Eliana answered, tugging at the collar of the open, black robe.

“You look like a cultist.”

“…Fuck you, you know I can’t make fun of your clothes!” Delicia had switched to the maid outfit, now that they were back outdoors. John was not entirely sure why, but she had done it anyway.

“Hmmmm, do you respect Aclysia too much? Can’t poke a little fun at anything that she wears too?”

“Unlike your bratty asshole, she deserves respect.”

“Awwww, you can actually appreciate someone, that’s so nice!”

“You wouldn’t know it, no one can appreciate your short-ass bitchy attitude.”

Back and forth like that, for minutes on end, neither of them ever getting tired. John paid it no mind. Between those two, flinging insults and jabs back and forth without pause was a sign of endearment more than anything else. Their attention eventually switched to him, though.

“You’re being quiet,” Delicia noted.

“I just enjoy listening to you two,” John said and stopped in the shadow of a great pine tree. No normal rooftop garden would have been able to sustain something like it, but magic made much possible. “It’s cute.”

“I’m not cute…” Eliana grumbled, averting her flustered gaze.

“Psh, you’re super cute,” the shortstack alchemist got a little closer, “especially when you go all, like, ‘don’t cuddle me!’ when you really love to get cuddled. It’s totally adorable.”

“Why are you complimenting me all of a sudden?!”

Delicia sent the pretty little psycho a smug grin. “Because it makes you all self-aware.”

“You’re such a huge, tiny fucking cunt!”

“Yes, yes, get angrier, it gives me life! Bwahahahaha!” Delicia dodged a swing from the blood mage by dropping to the ground. Laughing loudly, she rolled left to right, while Eliana stood growling above her.

John could smell the violent overreaction from Eliana before it happened. Teleporting behind her, he picked the pretty little psycho up just as she drew her foot back, likely to punt the brat like she was a giant football. Instead, she got pulled straight into a snuggle.

Eliana let out a sound between squeak, squawk, and sigh. They fell into the grass together, sitting in the shade of a finely trimmed hedge. Delicia dragged her way over, still giggling. “Whew, I do love you though,” she added.

“I…” Eliana started, then mumbled something unintelligible.

“Say it,” John told her.

“I love you too, you fat-titted cow.”

‘Good enough,’ John thought and placed a quick kiss on Eliana’s neck. She shivered, as if a cold breeze had wandered over her. A moment later, Delicia had arrived by their side. Rather than wiggle her way into John’s lap, she opted to confine Eliana between John’s chest and her own bosom.

Surrounded by kisses and warmth, Eliana began to melt away into a proverbial puddle of relaxed fibres and giggles. “Aww, you’re so cute when you’re all dissolved,” Delicia whispered and pinched the cheeks of the blood mage.

“Fuck off,” she mumbled with the last of her energy.

While Eliana was getting cuddle-pacified between them, John and Delicia conversed normally. “Sorry that this is as much of a date as I have time for currently.”

“Eh, you know how I am about work, I’m not going to fault you for concentrating on yours.” Delicia shrugged as best as she could while still combing through Eliana’s hair with her slender fingers. “We’ll have time soon enough.”

“I don’t know if our vacation counts as a… vacation,” John responded.

“Maybe, maybe not, you worried?”

“I’m always worried.”

“Don’t be.” Delicia smiled at him, like a sun peeking through rain clouds. “You got me with you… and two goddesses, for what little that is worth.”

To have her enthusiasm.