The Gamer Chapter 1655 – Days until the Wedding 4 – Math Rock (Patreon)

It was Thursday morning, after breakfast and breakfast orgies.

John was left in the apartment with Momo, Scarlett, Gnome and Nia. “Is my country really going to be fine if the three of us aren’t working on anything?” the Gamer asked, pointing first at himself, then Momo and Scarlett.

“This is why we decentralize issues, so efforts may continue to run while we take a rare break,” the redhead answered.

“I don’t know if your power is that decentralized,” Momo pointed out. “You have pretty supreme powers over all of your companies.”

“Having supreme power over everything and things being centralized are not necessarily the same thing.” Scarlett nibbled at a carrot stick. “Everyone knows to work their best when I am not around and everyone knows they have to fucking listen when I am. It’s that easy.”

John hummed with something like agreement, then waved off. “I was just making a joke anyway. Anything you have in mind for the date?”

While Momo and Scarlett pondered and Nia remained motionless, Gnome tapped over to their game closet. “Uhm… c-could we… play this?” she asked and presented John with a rulebook.

 Not just any rulebook, it had to be said, but Pathfinder 2nd Edition. “That’s out?” John asked.

“Yeah,” Gnome answered with a few nods. “Released on the 1st. Claire and I have been looking into it because… you know… planning for the great evening.”

The plan of the vampire maid to organize a big campaign had been floating for a while now. It was met with the obvious difficulties that organizing a pen and paper campaign for over 20 people would be met with. Even with schedules as closely aligned as theirs, taking the 2-4 hours for a proper session and playing it was going to be incredibly difficult. They would have to split across several tables and, if it was meant to be a shared event, have the various game masters coordinate world building and such.

Apparently, Gnome was one of those game masters.

“I’d like a test game so… uhm… you know, Claire and I can decide which one we like more?”

“Well, if nothing else, we can get familiar with the character creation,” John joked.

“Sounds interesting enough,” Momo hummed and they all sat down around the coffee table. Gnome took the sole position at the head end, protecting her dice via a GM screen that she had made herself using stone plates and metal hinges.

“I’d prefer it if we could do things… traditional?” Gnome requested, when Scarlett pulled up an electronic version of the character sheet.

The redhead raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “Fine, it’s your game.”

Pens and papers were handed out. A singular pad was propped up against the DM screen to show various pieces of shifting intel. Dice were handed out, the mood set via music, and Gnome described the initial setting. With one deep breath, the usually shy elemental got her game face on. “For this, we will be playing in a nondescript fantasy world. You’ll start in a tavern and your characters will have known each other from a previous goblin killing mission. You celebrated the night prior and are going to work together on another mission. With that in mind, make your characters.”

What followed was ten minutes of cross referencing things in the rules to create a set of level 1 characters. Pleasantly, the character creation of the second edition was a lot more streamlined than what John had seen of the first edition. Had this been everyone’s genuine character, creation would have likely taken forever. As it was, they did not have to plan for builds or future feats to take, just about their basic stats, backgrounds, and classes.

“Alright, everyone finished?” Nods all around. “Then we will start with Momo. Who are you and what are you doing at the moment?”

“Did we just wake up or what is the situation?”

“Let’s say all of you are in the main room during breakfast. The room is crowded but… what’s the word… uhm…” Gnome’s confidence faltered a bit while she struggled to get the right description.

“Manoeuvrable?” John suggested.

“Yeah, that!” Gnome exclaimed and hastily got back into the game master character. “The room is crowded but manoeuvrable, with various other adventurers keeping the tavern keeper busy without being overworked.”

“Alright then… my character- I mean, I will be stumbling down the stairs, holding my head. ‘How come I can never stop drinking?’ I will mumble to myself and stumble towards the bar. I then try to get the tavern keeper’s attention.”

“Going to order a glass of water?”

“No, I want another mug of ale, to wash the hangover away with more alcohol.”

“…Alright, uhm… you do that.”

“With the mug of ale in hand and the first few sips starting to diminish the headache, I’d like to find a woman to flirt with.”

“There’s no shortage of female adventurers around, so… roll… Diplomacy, I guess?”

Math rocks clinkered over the table. “Natural 20,” Momo groaned, as if disappointed by that outcome.

“…Okay, you find…” Gnome rolled a die herself in secret, then checked some kind of table. “An elven aasimar with short white hair that turns gold towards the tips. She turns to you and is instantly charmed by your appearance… I think… what does she see?”

“A man of above average height with short brown hair. He is neither all that handsome or ugly, but he sure has an unrepentant grin.”

John laughed. “You wanted to make a parody of me and then I just instantly charm a woman at the bar.”

“Yeah, even the game knows symbolism: you get what you want and it’s going to kill you.”

Gnome cleared her throat audibly twice, then turned to the redhead next to Momo. “As all of this is going on, what are you doing?”

“I sit alone at the table where we drank yesterday, a tall orc woman with a greatsword by her side and a spoon in her hand, shovelling soup into her mouth,” Scarlett described quickly and concisely. “I glance over at…” She stretched to read the name off Momo’s sheet. “Joshua and shake my head. That’s all.”

Happy to have gotten through that bit so quickly, Gnome turned to Nia next. “What are you doing, what do you look like?”

“I am a Fleshwarp. I look like a regular human, but I have cute bunny ears. I’m of average height and build… female. Does the tavern have a cat?”

“Roll Perception.”

“…7 total.”

“If the tavern does have a cat, you do not see it.”

Nia lingered on that disappointment for a moment, then said, “I will order my own serving of soup, then sit down with Scarlett’s character.”

“Verdant.”

“Really?” John had to ask.

“This is a throwaway character, I did not put a lot of fucking imagination in it.” Scarlett crossed her arms, glaring daggers at him across the table. “What did you get, huh?”

“Uhm… with a little less… anger, but same question… who are you and what are you doing at the moment?”

“I come down the stairs last, having noticed that Joshua is no longer in the room that we spent the night in. I drank little last night, favouring to watch over him. As I approach, I wiggle my wide hips. Long white hair sways with the motion as I hurry over to Joshua and ask, confrontationally, ‘Can I have a second?’”

Momo narrowed her white eyes and said, “Sure?”

“The elven aasimar also nods with a wide smile on her face.”

“I nod thankfully back, then hiss quietly at Joshua, ‘Why are you drinking again, you big handsome idiot?’”

“Because I just know so much better than everyone else what is good for me and it’s booze and women. Those two things have never done me wrong.”

“You have a hangover right now, don’t you?”

“Don’t worry about it, babe, I got it under more alcohol.” Momo turned to Gnome and said, “I down the rest of the mug in one go after that.”

“…Give me a Fortitude check?”

“…15.”

“You feel slightly buzzed but nothing bad.”

Momo turned back to John. “Don’t worry about it, sweetcheeks. You can be my wingwoman if you want to though.”

“Urgh, you are insatiable.”

“Yes, yes, I am!”

“Get a fucking room,” Scarlett groaned.

“…Uhm, was that in or out of character?” asked the game master.

“Yes.”

“I will storm off and join the others at the table,” John stated.

“I will try to persuade the elven woman into giving me a very deep, very sloppy kiss.”

“Uhm… sure, yeah, she plays along with that… c-can you give me a Perception roll to see if you spot the cat for Nia’s character?”

“Lily.”

“For Lily.”

Momo rolled the die and then reported, “12 total.”

“Okay… yeah, you, uhm, kiss her real good. Do you want to take her to the table with you?”

“Do I want to drag this random woman I picked up to this group of my all female friends, one of which is apparently engaged with me enough to sleep in the same room as me? Yes, yes, I do! Why wouldn’t I do that?”

“I shall glare daggers at you all the while, yet will quietly squirm under the table, imagining what it would be like to share a bed with Joshua and her.”

“You- Urgh!” Momo broke character and banged the table. “What are you called anyway?”

“Nomo.”

“And you fucking dare criticize me?” Scarlett asked.

“Was the 12 not enough to find the cat?” Nia asked.

“Oh, right, uhm, no,” Gnome answered. “Anyway, you finish your breakfast. The elven woman, still enticed from that natural 20, sits in Joshua’s lap as all of you start discussing what to do today. There are still plenty of jobs for adventurers like you, primarily the cleaning out of goblin or kobold tribes that have decided to settle a bit too close to the city or investigations over stolen livestock. Often, the two are closely linked.”

“I want to smash some more heads in,” Scarlett declared plainly. Out of character, she continued, “We have a barbarian, a cleric, a rogue and a wizard, we should do what we are best at.”

“Agreed,” John said.

“I want to ask the elf what she’d like to see me doing.”

Gnome rolled a die and scratched her chin. “She hums deeply, then confesses that she just posted a job to the blackboard and she’d be honoured if you would take up that offer. In summary, she is a beginner adventurer herself that has requested help with a group of goblins a day away from the city. You would have to spend the night in the woods, but the pay is good, she promises. You’d be paid by the ears.”

“Ours or theirs?” John joked and the people around the table weakly chuckled.

The discussion was short, the quest taken, and the group set out. Travel was a swift affair, Gnome only rolling for the weather to see if there was anything obstructing them. There was not and so they made it to the spot in the forest with little to no obstruction.

Combat was a swift affair as well. For one, their time was running short, and Scarlett found the idea of convoluted plans annoying. They did a quick stealth roll for Nia, then stormed in there. Scarlett entered a rage, hacking and slashing, while Momo backed her up with cantrips and John healed them both. All the while, Nia stabbed the enemy backline to death.

At the end of combat, they rummaged through the camp, then put up their own far enough away that they wouldn’t be bothered by any potential carrion feeders that would partake in the now earless corpses. Tents were put up, Joshua retreated with the thankful elf, while Nomo grumbled about him regretting not asking her to come along in the morning. Verdant rolled her eyes, while Lily quietly tamed a fellow bunny.

The session seemed to come to its end when Gnome suddenly said.

“Nomo, Verdant, and Lily, I want all of you to roll me Perception. Joshua, roll Fortitude.”

“The bitch poisoned you!” John shouted. He had gotten a bit much into character.

“Nuh-uh!” Momo denied.

The Perception rolls were all high, the Fortitude roll low.

“John actually got it right. In the middle of the night, all of you awaken when you hear a pained shout from Joshua’s tent.”

“I snap up and check on him!” John declared.

“Before you can reach his tent, you are faced with the elf. She smirks at you and slowly removes a ring, revealing that her aasimar veneer was just that. Instead, you find the curled horns and red-tinged skin tone of a descendant of demons. ‘You make this all too easy! One poisoned with a kiss, the rest of you felled by my blade, for Asmodeus!’ she declares, drawing elegant twin swords. Roll Initiative!”

They did. For all the impressive preamble, however, Gnome’s scheme was met with the reality of the dice.

“Natural 20 on both attacks,” Scarlett revealed. “…17 damage on the first attack and… 19 on the second.”

“H-huh?” Gnome stood up to check on the dice that had been rolled. Blinking, she went back and forth between it and her sheet. “She’s still alive though!” she declared. John had to wonder if that was the truth or the impromptu changings of stats that game masters did to keep encounters interesting. “Nomo, it’s your turn?”

“I cast Needle Darts, so I have to do a spell attack against her AC…” John laughed when the dice settled. “27!”

“…That’s a crit…”

Damage dice clacked on the table. “13 damage.”

“…She still has 1 HP!” Gnome declared. “And it’s her turn now so she’ll charge in, teeth grit and-“

“She takes 1 persistent damage from Needle Darts,” Nia pointed out.

Gnome stopped in her tracks, flipped through the pages of the rulebook, then whined. “…Okay, yes, she’s dead…”

“I hurry to the tent.”

“You hurry to the tent, where you find Joshua in the process of dying.”

“Is Stabilize enough to save him?”

“I’ll say yes for the purpose of this oneshot.”

“Then I do that. Once he comes back to consciousness, I smugly grin and ask, ‘What have we learned?’.”

“I croak, ‘That you are the most gorgeous rose in the rose garden?’”

“Just fuck already,” Scarlett chimed in. “You two are forbidden from making characters like this in the actual game session!”

“I, uhm, concur,” Gnome said and began packing things up. “That aside, did you like it?”

“Yes,” Nia answered immediately. “It was fun.”

She hadn’t said much the entire game, but she had been engaged. The same was true for Scarlett. “Simple numbers are interesting.”

“You’re forbidden from min-maxing your character!”

Scarlett waved off.  “I min-max every day, I can play the stupid brute for once.”

John and Momo did not get their opinion out. The Gamer had leapt across the table and was currently pinning the sassy fairy down on the Couch.

He had to discipline that adorable woman.