Knight of the Jackelope, Part 3 (Patreon)

Rough morning. A friend passed away in the night. Expected, but still sad. Cheering myself up with a Larry story.

Squire and Knight returned victorious from milking cows. It had not been an easy quest. The brave duo were hampered by a lack of milking experience and a lack of cow experience. Added to those disadvantages was the peculiar ecology of the sedge beast. Luckily, they had a shepherd to help them learn.

"First step is to get to know them. Just walk up and tell them your name, then wait until you're sure they've seen you. Some of them don't have good eyes, and you don't want to surprise them while they're eating. Pull up a heaping helping of sedge grass and put it in front of them. They like that and won't move around while you try to milk them. Don't feed it to them by hand; you'll lose some fingers."

"Next step is finding the udders. Some have one, and some have more. No matter how they're placed, you milk from the side. Milking from the rear will get a hoof in your face. Then squeeze gently, fill a couple of buckets, and you're done. Easy peasy."

The shepherd wandered off to rescue a calf stuck in a giant spider web, leaving them to their quest.

"Larry does not think this quest is 'Easy Peasy.'" The Fae Knight was currently trying to get his hand out of the mouth of their current milking partner. After a fruitless half-hour of trying to convince the uncooperative cow to stand still, Sir Larry had taken a jelly bean break. As he went to put a delicious red candy in his mouth, the cow pounced and took the candy, his hand, and half of his forearm into its mouth.

"But you're doing a great job of keeping her still! Just make sure she doesn't eat your gauntlet, and remember how useful regeneration is for regrowing fingers!" Squire Squeak's nimble fingers had caught on to milking quickly once the sedge beast had quit moving. He filled three buckets rapidly, one from each set of udders. Backing away carefully from the beast, he yelled to his knight. "All done. You can let her go now!"

"Larry isn't the one who needs to let go!"

Squire Squeak came to the knight's rescue, taking a handful of jelly beans from the pouch and showing them to the sedge beast, slowly chewing bits of armor off Sir Larry's hand. Seeing the multi-colored candies, she put a large hoof on the knight's chest and pushed hard, sending him flying. Then she turned to the squire. Squeak was already tossing candies into the air for her to catch. This strategy worked well. Too well, in fact.

Other cows saw the game being played and wanted to join in. The squire found himself retreating from a small herd as he tossed his candies into the air for them to catch. Sir Larry picked up the buckets of thick, brown, stinky milk and headed for the town. He was halfway there when Squire Squeak ran out of beans. He tossed the last half dozen at once and sprinted for safety. Not burdened by heavy plate armor, he easily overtook the Fae Knight and grabbed the buckets of milk from him, letting Sir Larry concentrate on running quicker.

"Larry wishes he had Scurry for Safety instead of Chase Prey!"

"Toss the rest of the jelly beans to delay them!"

With great sadness, Sir Larry did as his wise squire suggested. He mourned their loss. It would be an entire day before his Enchanted Bag of Beans created more. Some sacrifices had to be made when doing important quests.

The plan worked, and the herd of sedge beasts was satisfied with hunting through the sedge for the tasty morsels. Knight and Squire delivered the buckets of milk to the cheese maker. She thanked them and rewarded each of them with a small, pungent piece of stinky cheese. The cheese would normally be used to bargain with the minions of the Under-Rodent. To Betty's surprise, the squire ate his, chewing noisily and smiling. The knight somehow got his cheese inside his great helm and was chewing while rubbing his belly.

"Well, if you boys really like this cheese, I have a lot more for sale. I have special customers for it, but I could spare a few pounds with how much milk I've been given lately."

Sir Larry produced a glittering gem he offered to trade for a pound of cheese. Betty took the gem, shook her head, and traded with the Fae Lord. On a lesser budget, his squire paid her asking price of three silvers.

Suddenly the Shepherd ran into the room. "Betty! Have you seen Squirmie? I think she fell into a dungeon. I need help finding her."

Squire Squeak didn't know who Squirmie was, but his whiskers were twitching. This was part of their quest. "Is Squirmie a little girl?"

The Shepherd nodded. "Yes, she is. A scared girl who is little and lost in the dungeon!"

Sir Larry stepped forward. "Sir Larry and brave Squire Squeak always save little girls! We will join your quest!"