Getting Warhammered - [ 130 ] (Patreon)

A/N: A reference for all the silly Tau ranks / titles. I think the chapter is readable and understandable without it, but it certainly helps.

*****

Por'Ui Alvash

“Are you certain of this, Por’Ui?” the captain of the ship, Kor'El Ay'var asked with a deep frown as he stared down at Alvash from his command chair. “I trust Shas’El Korvesh to go into a ship full of Gue’la and come out alive. Why should I put the same measure of trust in you, Envoy?”

Alvash held back a sad sigh. Ideals were fragile things. When someone was put under pressure, no living being should have reasonably been forced to endure. The ideals understandably changed. That change could be either for the better or for the worse.

Some of the greatest heroes of the T’au were forged in extreme situations, in the fires of war, with the fate of billions weighing down their shoulders. The ideals of those people became unbreakable, the diamond hard foundation of their psyche.

Unfortunately, Kor’El Ay’var was not among their number. When he beheld the terrors of war and the brutality of the Imperium of Mankind defending a fringe world, his ideals … morphed. Into something ugly, something hateful and honestly revolting to Alvash.

The Tau’va called for all intelligent beings to work together for the betterment of all. Alvash understood species other than his own didn’t have the fortune to grow up in an enlightened society like his own, so they required a gentle, but firm, guiding hand to help them see the light. But never must that hand strike first or disregard another being for the faults of their kin.

To Alvash, Kor’El’s actions of possibly alienating that ship where so many distinct species came to work together were bordering on blasphemous. Orks, a species the Water Caste deemed unfit for cooperation and impossible to form diplomatic connections with, were working under the command of a Sin'Nesta — an Eldar, the humans call them, don’t they? And even he treated the Human with respect. I must see this. I must know how this unequalled feat of inter-species cooperation has been achieved.

Alas, Ay’Var was a Fire Caste Captain, well above Alvash in rank. It wasn’t his place to call the Captain out on his warped beliefs.

“I don’t require your trust, Kor’El.” Alvash said calmly, clasping his hands behind his back. “This is an opportunity, one every member of the Water Caste in my place would be loath to flounder. I cannot let Shas’El Korvesh suffer my duties because fulfilling them would be dangerous. It always is with other species.”

“You are on my ship,” the Captain said in a near growl. “Under my protection. My responsibility. I cannot, in good conscience, allow you on board a suspected enemy ship.”

“Your stance is perfectly understandable Kor’El,” Alvash gave a slow nod, not showing even a hint of his thoughts. Doing so would have been shameful for one as trained in the art of diplomacy as him, furthermore, it would have been rude. “I believe I have just the way to solve this issue.”

Alvash turned his gaze to his fellow Water Caste member. The young T’au’s duty was to record the goings of the command deck for later review should the need for such a thing present itself. “I hereby take all responsibility for my actions following this moment. I’d like to state for the record that I would place the blame for it with me to the grave. Did you get that?”

“Yes, Envoy.” The young fellow nodded jerkily and Alvash graced with a smile before turning back to Kor’El.

“Have it your way then,” the Captain said with a scowl, twisting his features. “Off with you then. Someone lead the honourable Por’Ui to the Human ship.”

Alvash turned and left, following in the steps of a very respectful private. Inside, though, he couldn’t help but feel his excitement bubble over. Anxiety was also there, but it was hidden beneath a vigorously glowing elation. 

If I do this right and make them see the light of the Tau’va, promotion will be the least of my worries. I’ll go down in history.

*****

“Thank you for finally granting me the honour of meeting you, Captain.” The Tau cadre commander spoke in such an earnest, sincere tone a regular person might have missed the deeply laced sarcasm woven into his words.

“The honour is all mine, Shas’El,” I smiled back amicably, inwardly cursing at the silly Tau ranks. At least I had a mental databank of what meant what to go off of. For example here, ‘Shas’ meant he was a member of the Fire Caste, their military caste and ‘El’ meant he was only a single rank down from the highest possible rank of ‘O’ which only their generals and Commanders held. When there were six ranks in total, being on the fifth had to have meant something. “I’ll have to apologise. I’ve been preoccupied with doing … stuff.”

I had to stifle a smirk at the inside joke no one else in the galaxy would get.

‘So I’m reduced to being ‘stuff?’’ Selene whispered into my mind and I almost choked on my tongue.

“Be that as it may,” Korvash said, a strange look in his eyes as he looked from my twitching face to Selene’s smirk. “I’d appreciate your cooperation in the future, I have a … colleague here who’ll be taking over from me now that I have ascertained the dangers present on your vessel were acceptably low. Let me introduce, Por’Ui Alvash.”

My gaze drifted over to the pale blush grey-skinned Tau who stepped forward, showing none of the rigidity of the Fire Caste members standing at attention behind him. His face held an easy smile, but I felt he was positively giddy to be meeting me. What a strange fellow. Water Caste … what did ‘Ui’ mean for them? I think … Ambassador? No. Envoy!

“Pleasure meeting you, Envoy.” I smiled at him and he surprised me by performing the Imperial Aquila and bowing slightly. “No need for that. Please rise.”

“Ah, my apologies. The pleasure is all mine,” he said. “Forgive me for asking, but is this not the appropriate greeting among humans?”

“That is the Sign of the Aquilla, Envoy.” I shrugged. “It is supposed to show allegiance to the Imperium. Let us keep to a handshake, if you’ll allow?”

In answer he just stuck his four-fingered hand out and I took it, shaking it once before letting go. “Would a ‘handshake’ not have additional underlying meanings?”

“It is merely a show of trust,” I said. “An ancient tradition on Ea- Terra, I suppose. I believe it was meant to show that neither person was carrying a weapon. Do your people not have a similar tradition?”

“I’m afraid my kind prefer more formal gestures,” he said, maintaining his smile. He tilted his head to the side, glancing at Korvash, who stood to the side looking a bit weirded out. “Please, don’t let me hold you up, Shas’El. I am fine as you can see.”

“Very well,” Korvash said, then gestured to two of his men. “These two will remain here to guard you, Envoy. Make use of them as you wish. May the Greater Good guide your path, honoured Por'vre. Until we meet again, may your words bring unity and prosperity to our cause.”

“Thank you, Shas'El. May your strength and leadership continue to inspire us all. For the Greater Good.”

What a bunch of pretentious cunts. I can clearly tell neither of them gives a shit about the other. I lamented inwardly, while I gave a nod as Korvesh departed with the majority of his men trailing behind him. His group went through the ship’s more lived-in parts with a comb, but found nothing other than a bunch of very annoyed Orkz that might have tested my boundaries once or twice.

I only stopped the one Ork that tried to shank Korvash in the back, the others that just threw goop and food at them I left be. Much to their amusement. It only took a minute from there for the information to spread for every single Ork on the ship, which resulted in Korvash’s little group being greeted by a shower of rotting fruits — stuff I was growing for them en mass for food — and Gretchin shit.

The combat armour they wore was hardy though, and most of the stuff rolled, flowed or bounced off of them. They remained entirely unharmed, though I suppose their pride and dignity would take some time to recover.

“Let’s get somewhere more comfortable to continue our talks, if you’d follow me?” I asked as I motioned for Alvash to follow me. The guy was acting respectably and wasn’t clutching a weapon to shank me with at a moment’s notice, so he deserved some comfort while we talked. He easily agreed, though I could tell his two guards tensed up behind us.

Though that might have been because Throgg just poked his washing machine-sized head out through a door like an overly curious puppy and eyed the blue fishes with bloodthirsty longing up until we slid into the newly dubbed ‘conference room’.

I led him to a conveniently close-by meeting room that I certainly hadn’t just furnished with organic furniture while we walked and stepped in.

“Make yourself comfortable, Envoy.” I motioned to the table and the couches nearby, letting him choose. Surprisingly, he went for the latter and flopped down on a fluffy couch with a sigh. I sat down on the couch facing him and threw my legs up at the coffee table as Selene, ever the diligent one, took post behind me while the twin Tau did so behind the Envoy. 

“You have my appreciation for your hospitality,” said Alvash, to which I just smiled and nodded. He had a strange way of speaking low gothic, but he was by far the least annoying to listen to out of his bunch. Korvash and that captain of theirs switched back and forth between their own native tongue and broken gothic like a blasted pendulum and it had been trying on my poor nerves. 

“Respect goes both ways, does it not?” I tilted my head and threw one leg over the other. “You showed me more than any of your fellows, and in turn, I showed you some hospitality. It’s only natural.”

“Most would say respect is earned,” he said. “While the Captain of my previous ship would probably say it is owed to the one holding the advantage in any confrontation.”

“What would you say deserves respect?” I asked curiously, not at all bothered by his slight admonishment. Or was that not a reproach for not giving much face to that supposed captain? Eh, who knew? I stayed clear of Alvash’s mind as of now, only reading his surface emotions from his aura, and even that was proving challenging.

Tau had tiny souls, which made for tiny auras with even tinier emotional fluctuations. Which meant I had to focus really hard to catch them, and probably why that one Tau got a headache from my surface-level thought reading. They were so fragile, even more so than humans. Though I doubted I could find any specific Tau soul if they weren’t in my immediate vicinity, so that certainly was a positive for them.

“I believe, respect is an intimately personal concept,” he said. “One varying from person to person. If you wish to know what it means to me specifically, I’d say, my respect is earned for acts of greatness.”

“Acts of greatness, is it?” I hummed.

“Like the one you accomplished here,” said Alvash with a vague wave of his arms. “Uniting three species known for loathing one another under your banner. However you achieved it, I believe it is an act deserving of my personal respect.”

“Why, thank you,” I said. “I did wonder why we’d be deserving of a liaison of your standing, being a wreckage filled with unruly refugees. I don’t believe that is standard protocol.”

“Protocol is a guideline,” he said easily. “Outstanding circumstances call for a more personal approach, I believe. Now, before anything else, I believe we should discuss the circumstances that caused your seeking of refuge under the T’au Empire?”

“Ask away,” I shrugged. “I’ll do my best to answer your questions. And you can also ask whichever member of my crew you want, though be warned, the majority of them are quite rowdy. As your two guards can attest.”

I smirked as the two twitched the tiniest bit at my remark.

“Duty before personal interests, I’m afraid,” he shook his head sadly. “But I’ll be sure to make use of your offer to have talks with your more amiable crew members.”

He gave a nod towards Selene, and I assumed he also had Val in mind. Oh well, both of them could handle a nosy Tau much better than I could, so I wasn’t all that worried for them. Plus, the Orks wouldn’t kill him even if he got a bit much. I made sure of that. 

There are few worse punishments for an Ork than getting thrown into a solitary cell or catapulted out into space. No food, no tooth and no scraps to be had in or out there. Just loneliness and boredom. They loathed boredom and inaction with a passion. Also loneliness, quite surprisingly. The one Ork I pulled back into the ship after a few days spent floating in space had been a model crewman ever since.

“First of all, I’d like to ask whether you believe there to be someone pursuing you?” Alvash asked. “Should we worry about your previous enemies chasing you down, even if we grant you refuge?”

“Oh there are certainly people who would love to catch us,” I smirked. “But we’d come a long way, I very much so doubt any one of them could track us down with the path we took … Perhaps only one. But he’s more of an overeager guard I left behind than a foe per say.”

“An overeager guard, you say?” He arched an eyebrow in a disturbingly human manner that looked strange on his eye-browless face.

“I do not know for certain how he’d been tracking me previously,” I shrugged. “But he is just one man and his friend, and we’d crossed half the galaxy to get here. It’ll be years before he could even get here.”

“Cross half the galaxy?” He asked dubiously. “Is this ship capable of some manner of wormhole travel?”

“This is an Imperial Light Cruiser,” I said, perhaps sounding a touch too demeaning. “It has a Warp-Drive … Had, to be more accurate. I believe it is quite dead after that last stunt we polled to escape a band of space pirates.”

I wonder how the Necrons would react to being called space pirates … oh, I so want to know how much they fumed about us flying right through their territory and them being unable to catch us. I’ll have to ask Trazyn about it the next time I see him.

“I see,” Alvash nodded. “Thank you for your honesty. Now, I know this might be a bit much to ask, but information on the ‘Imperium of Mankind’ and its inner workings is a highly valued commodity to my kind. Would you be willing to answer some questions?”

“Sure,” I shrugged. “But I’m just a single human from the fringes, my knowledge might not have the depth or vastness that you are expecting.”

“All information has value,” he smiled consolingly, and I had to stifle the sudden urge to punch him in the face. “So I believe you noted my use of that ‘Imperial Aquila’? Could you elaborate on that please?”

I shrugged and answered his questions, making sure I only told him common knowledge. Selene was also there to poke me in the brain whenever I was going to mess up and say more than I was supposed to know.

It was boring as all hell, but Selene’s calming grasp on my shoulder was doing wonders for my self-control and patience. Telling him to sod off already would sour my relationship with the only Tau who seems to be willing to be on our side. I’ll just have to be patient. I’m sure he’ll run out of questions sooner or later.