The Queens of Remnant - Chapter 27 (Patreon)

For a brief moment when Blake woke up, she had no idea where she was.  The confusion passed quickly though, as the lightly floral scent in the air, the ultra-soft sheets, and her stark lack of clothing brought memories rushing back to the forefront of her mind. Her heart started racing when she realized Yang was laying right behind her, still sleeping, the two of them sharing the same bed.  She didn’t need to turn around to know that Yang was equally unclothed - neither of them had the energy nor desire to fetch the discarded garments by the time they’d had their fill of one another.

Now wasn’t the best time to question her decision, but what the hell had she been thinking?  She hadn’t planned to sleep with Yang.  She knew better than to chase those baser desires.  Yet returning to Vale, being together again, watching Yang so easily forgive and help someone who’d been an enemy for so long...Blake let those desires take control.

She never intended to develop feelings for Yang.  She never intended for any of this to happen.  She only agreed to stay in Vale so that she had a say in how the Badlands emerged from the war.  Her sole purpose was bettering the lives of the people there, who’d known more hardship than they deserved.

She succeeded in helping the Badlands, but she also slept with the Queen of Vale.

Now, her thoughts raced with implications.  What would the fallout be?  What did this mean for the work they’d been doing?  Would Yang still value her input?  More importantly - at least, Blake felt it was important at the moment - what did this mean for the two of them?  Did Yang ‘like’ her?  Because there were moments when it felt like Yang really, truly cared about her.  Did that mean Yang wanted to…form some type of relationship?  And, if that was the case, was Blake willing to put her heart at risk?

Based on the loud, fast beating in her ears, she wasn’t ready to do anything except panic.  Breathing became harder as an unavoidable urge to escape swept through her veins.  Her chest clenched, hardening as her spark sprang to life, and she lifted the covers to slip out of bed only to abruptly freeze.

She noticed something.  More specifically, the absence of an overwhelming warmth in the air.  That didn’t make it cold by normal standards, but it was freezing by Yang’s standards.

Suddenly fearing the worst, Blake spun around and touched Yang’s forehead.  Its coolness worried her more, so she set her fingers on Yang’s neck next, searching for a pulse beneath soft skin.  As soon as she felt the steady thuds beneath her fingertips and saw Yang’s chest expand with another breath, relief flooded through her.  Heart slowly climbing down from the highest ledge of fear she’d felt in some time, she sank into the covers with a sigh.

Yang was fine.  She was breathing normally.  Sleeping soundly.  The fever within her had calmed down, so her skin didn’t burn beneath the surface like it usually did.  This was her...the real her, without the Phage searing through her.  She was still warm, but comfortably so.  Comfortable enough that Blake leaned closer to savor that true warmth.

Blake couldn’t explain the change, but she knew that she couldn’t leave now.  Not when Yang was free from suffering, even for a little while.  If Blake was at all a factor, she couldn’t leave.  She would never take this moment away from Yang - a few hours of blissful, pain-free sleep.  There would be plenty of opportunity to second-guess herself and question her decisions later.  Right now, she would be here for Yang.

While the regal queen slept peacefully, Blake relished the opportunity to study her in such an intimate setting.  The way her hair shimmered gold as if illuminated from within.  The way the corner of her lip tilted up with a hint of a smile as if dreaming about something particularly amusing.  The way her chest rose and fell with deep, steady breaths.  The way her soft, perfect skin practically begged to be touched.

For the longest time, Blake memorized as much as possible.  She memorized as much of Yang as possible.  When this moment ended, as all moments did, she didn’t want to forget.  She wanted to trap every detail in her mind so she could revisit it years from now.

Only when the image had been firmly implanted in her memories did she close her eyes and snuggle closer.  Pressing one ear to Yang’s chest, she savored the reassuring sound of Yang’s heartbeat.  With Yang’s spark often raging out of control, she’d never been this close before.  Not without using her own spark.  Now, the strong, steady heartbeats were like music to her ears.

When Yang’s arms subconsciously wrapped around her, Blake nuzzled closer and pushed away that niggling fear of attachment.

Yang was affectionate even when asleep.  Blake couldn’t imagine how much it hurt that her uncontrollable spark forced her to keep a distance from anyone and everyone.  She loved hugs.  She loved casual displays of affection.  She loved being close to someone and having them close to her. Blake typically shied away from such intimacy, but with Yang...it was different.  Yang seldom initiated, but her eyes gave away her desires.  She encouraged, gladly accepted, but never forced.  Blake never felt like she had to do anything, and that freedom only made her all the more willing to give everything.

Feeling Yang stir, Blake froze and waited for Yang to fall back to sleep.  The room steadily warmed instead.  Yang’s temperature rose in unison, quickly becoming too hot to touch with bare skin.  When Blake leaned away and hardened herself against the heat, she realized that she should leave.  She should slip out now so that she could gather her thoughts and decide how to respond to last night.

Rather than listen to that voice of warning, she watched Yang wake up.

First, Yang shifted ever so slightly.  Then her lips parted and a soft sigh slipped out.  Finally, her eyes opened, revealing glimpses of gorgeous purple as she blinked her lingering sleep away. At the same time that Blake experienced a groundswell of affection for the beautiful young woman lying in front of her, fear tightened its chains around her, strangling her ability to breathe.

“Good morning,” Yang mumbled before rubbing her eyes and giving Blake a sleepy, sexy smile that melted every defense she had.  A blush rose to her cheeks as her thoughts raced through the night before.  Conflicting emotions surged through her veins, each battling for dominance while her spark oscillated between keeping Yang at bay and letting her closer.  Before long, however, one emotion rose above the rest: panic.

“Good morning,” she replied while subtly pulling the covers tighter and wishing she’d dressed before Yang woke up.  Now, she could clearly feel the tendrils of heat seeping from Yang’s spark.  As they lapped against her bare shoulders, she felt very, very...exposed.

“I, uh...hope you slept well?”

As soon as Blake heard Yang’s uncertainty, she realized that she needed to leave as fast as possible.  If Yang didn’t know how to react to last night, how could Blake possibly know what to say?  Even worse, what if she put her jumbled thoughts into words but said the wrong thing?  Or couldn’t describe her feelings correctly?

“I did,” she answered, putting a little more space between them.  “But I...I should probably check on Winter.”  Before Yang even responded, Blake slipped out of bed, taking one of the sheets with her and quickly wrapping it around herself.  Next, she snatched her discarded clothes from the floor and glanced at Yang. “We can...catch up later.”

Hurt flashed through Yang’s eyes as Blake hurried out of the room.  The expression felt like knives plunging into her chest, doing nothing to ease her anxiety as she dressed as fast as possible in the bathroom.

She should try to talk to Yang about it - she knew that - but she didn’t want to lie, and she didn’t want to say the wrong thing.  What was she supposed to say?  ‘I don’t know what I want, but when I look at you or think about you my heart beats like crazy?’  ‘Last night was amazing, but I don’t know how to commit to more than that?’  ‘I like you, but I’m scared of getting hurt?’

By the time Blake rushed out of the bathroom, Yang still hadn’t left her room.  It didn’t sound like she’d gotten up either, which only made Blake feel worse.  Part of her prodded her back into the bedroom, telling her to spill all of these thoughts, wherever they might lead.  The larger part of her begged her to leave.  To get as far away as possible.  To protect herself.

So she hurried out of the room without another word, though it felt like her heart broke in the process.  Breathing didn’t become any easier in the hallway, nor did her heart feel any better, but her feet led her away from Yang’s door.

She needed a distraction.  Thankfully, Winter’s unexpected presence served as one.  Before going to Ruby’s room, however, she headed to the kitchen so that she could bring Winter something to eat.

Unfortunately, Yang refused to leave her thoughts so easily.  With every person she passed and every glance sent her way, she wondered if everyone already knew what happened. The patterns Yang had traced upon her in kisses felt like they’d been tattooed for all to see.  She still shuddered when she thought about the unrelenting passion that had built and built until there was finally release.  Her heart warmed when she remembered how Yang felt in her arms - strong yet soft.  Commanding yet tender.

Yang treated her like an equal, but at the same time willingly surrendered herself to Blake’s whims and desires, trusting that Blake wouldn’t abuse the power.  In that moment, she’d never felt so cherished, respected, yet dominant.  But this morning, she didn’t know what to do about it.  She’d never been so wound up in another person.  She’d never yearned for someone.  Then there was the Phage…

Faltering mid-step, she covered her heart with one hand when it clenched in her chest.

Yang had the Phage.  Her days were numbered, as were her nights.  Regardless of her feelings, or Blake’s feelings, the preordained outcome didn’t change.  One day, and one day soon, Yang would no longer be around to make Blake feel this way.

Considering her life so far, Blake wasn’t surprised that she fell for someone who was marked for death.  Nothing had ever come easily for her, but this cruel twist of fate still hurt like hell.

Upon entering the palace’s main kitchen, finding two chefs and several servers lingering about, she forced a smile when they noticed her presence.

“Good morning,” she greeted them.

“Miss Belladonna!” the chef at the stove replied with a big smile.  “We didn’t know you returned!”

“Queen Xiao Long will be so happy,” one of the servers added.  When the other workers chuckled at the offhand remark, Blake blushed and tried not to read into it.

“I arrived late last night,” she explained, leaving out the circumstances surrounding her late arrival or late wake-up this morning.

“Well, we’re glad to have you back,” another chef replied before tapping a spatula on the countertop.  “Can we make you something?”

“Yes, actually.  But I was wondering if you could make some meals that I can have in my room?  And maybe some snacks for throughout the day?”

Her blush deepened when several of the servers shared looks, but the chefs were quick to smile.

“Of course!  If you wait a few minutes, we’ll prepare an entire feast for you.”

An ‘entire feast’ seemed superfluous, but the kitchen sprang to life before she could argue.  Instead, she watched the workers hurry around as if making a meal for her was the most important task in the world.  Their consideration and acceptance weren’t lost on her.  Neither was the joyful, upbeat way with which they carried out their jobs.

Times might be tough, and the war had taken its toll on all of them, but it didn’t take a genius to see that they were valued members of the palace.  Vale might have faced some impossible decisions, yet Yang and Ruby had taken care of the most vulnerable.  That generosity wasn’t lost on Blake - it was just another reason why she so willingly gave in to Yang’s charm.

“You’ll definitely want this,” one of the servers remarked while placing a large pitcher of water on a tray steadily filling with food.

When two cups joined the pitcher, Blake nearly asked why.  The possible answers convinced her to shut her mouth and watch the cornucopia grow.  Freshly baked bread, an assortment of fruits, crackers, and cheeses, and several large, delicious sandwiches joined the water as her innocent request turned into a banquet for two.

“Is this enough?” one of the chefs asked after balancing several gorgeous desserts on the tray.

“More than enough.”

“Would you like help carrying it upstairs?” a server asked.

“No, thank you.  I’ve got it.”  She carefully picked up the tray before smiling at the ever-gracious kitchen staff.  “Thank you so much.  This looks wonderful.”

“Happy to help, Miss Belladonna.”

“Enjoy!”

Buoyed by their cheerful sendoff, Blake nodded and headed back the way she’d come.  Now that she had enough food to feed several people for several days, she could check on Winter.  That goal led her upstairs and then down a hallway separate from Yang’s room.  Upon making it to Ruby’s door and glancing around to make sure no one was around, she balanced the heavy tray on one arm and knocked with the other.

“It’s Blake,” she whispered before standing back and waiting.  Several seconds later, the door unlocked and swung open only a few inches.  Interpreting that as permission to enter, she slipped into the room and quickly closed the door behind her.

“Good morning,” she said as soon as she saw Winter, who looked far more lively than when they met.  “I brought food,” she added, lifting the tray before carrying it to a small conversation area and setting it down.

“Hopefully, that isn’t all for me.”

“It is, actually.”  Blake chuckled at Winter’s disbelief.  “Apparently, the chefs think I have quite an appetite.”

“Well, please, feel free to join me.”

When Winter motioned for Blake to take the seat across from her, Blake didn’t hesitate to sit.  She still couldn’t believe how much Weiss and Winter looked alike, but their similarity ended at appearance.  Weiss came across as uncertain and anxious, but Winter appeared poised and capable.  Yet neither were the ice-spitting, heartless princesses they were purported to be.

“How are you doing?” Blake asked, gesturing to Winter’s ankle before breaking off a small piece of bread for herself.

“Much better.  In a few days, I should be good as new.”

“Good.  And what about, you know, all of this.”

When Blake motioned around them, Winter glanced around the room before sighing.

“It’s a relief not to be running.  For now, at least.”

“Hopefully for good.”

“We’re always running from something,” Winter replied, holding Blake’s gaze and smiling sadly.

Blake didn’t bother arguing against the true statement.  Everyone had something they ran from.  For Winter, it was Atlesian Knights who wouldn’t hesitate to kill her.  For her, it was emotional intimacy that would...well, it wouldn’t kill her, but it would break her heart.

Why, of all the people in the world, did she fall for Yang?  Yang was queen of the kingdom at least partially responsible for the destruction of the Badlands.  She lived in a palace surrounded by butlers, maids, and guards sworn to do her bidding.

But she made Blake feel things that she’d never felt before.  She made Blake believe that people, even powerful people, could be compassionate, selfless, and good.

She also had the Phage - a death sentence that knew no morals or mercy.

“Can I ask something?” Blake asked as soon as the thought occurred to her.

“Of course,” Winter replied with an encouraging nod.

Even with permission granted, Blake was so scared of the answer that she almost couldn’t bring herself to ask.  But she had to know.  If there was any hope, she had to know.

“People say Atlas has a cure for the Phage…is it true?”

Winter’s gaze fell to the table, stealing the air from Blake’s lungs.

“We have nothing but secrets and denial.”

“I see…” Blake whispered.  When tears stung her eyes, she dropped her gaze to her hands and struggled through her emotions.  She’d always suspected that it was nothing more than a rumor, but it nonetheless presented a tiny ray of hope that a miracle was out there, somewhere.  Now, that slim hope was gone.

“I’m sorry...”

“It’s alright.”  Blake looked up and shook her head so that Winter wouldn't apologize more.  “I figured as much but...hoped there was a solution.”

“Unfortunately, my father only dedicated resources to the war and himself.  If there’s a chance of a cure, and if the war does end, maybe we can work together to find it.”

“Then let’s hope Weiss and Ruby get that treaty done sooner rather than later.”

“Yes.  Although…I wouldn’t plan on anything happening quickly in Atlas.”

“What do you mean?”

The moment Winter sighed and shook her head, Blake knew that she wouldn't like the answer.

“When my father died…it was so sudden and unexpected, there wasn’t time to make a plan.  I left Atlas immediately, but now I wonder if I did the right thing.  Weiss knows so little about how Atlas works…and the Council will take advantage of her inexperience.  Politicians are just snakes waiting for the chance to strike, and…I just hope she sees it coming.”

Politicians didn’t sound like much of a threat to Blake, but she was so accustomed to the overt threat of bodily harm that she could hardly fathom the damage done by words and manipulation.  Winter’s furrowed brow, however, suggested very real and grave concern.

“I’m sure she’ll be okay,” Blake assured her.  “I may have only known her for a little while, but she seems smart and capable.  Plus, Ruby’s with her, and Ruby has plenty of experience running a kingdom.”

The words seemed to put Winter more at ease, enough so that she attempted a small smile.

“I hope to see her again someday…”

“You will.”

Blake didn’t know if she could fulfill such a promise, but she would do her best.  Thankfully, Winter dipped her chin in gratitude.

The gracious gesture only further emphasized Winter’s position and upbringing.  The two of them may have met at one of Winter’s lowest points in life, but she was still a member of Atlas’ royal family - a princess.  As such, she’d known privilege unlike anything Blake had ever dreamt about.  Her life and purpose were set in stone at birth.  Her spark ensured that few could challenge her.

Yet here they sat in Vale’s palace, sharing breakfast while Blake promised to reunite Winter with her sister.  Interactions like these, and like the ones she’d shared with Weiss, Ruby, and Yang, continued to unravel every assumption she’d made about those in power.  She imagined them to be out of touch, stubborn, self-centered, power-hungry individuals whose sole purpose was taking advantage of the unfortunate souls under their reign.  Maybe some were like that - the Mad King of Atlas certainly was - but those who she’d met proved that benevolence still existed in great quantities.

“How’d you end up here?” Winter asked before long, her gentle wave implying she meant not only Vale but here in the presence of queens.  “Am I wrong to believe you’re from the Badlands?”

“I am.”

Pausing, Blake considered whether or not she should explain the intricacies of how she ended up in Vale.  Out of an abundance of caution, she decided to leave out her prior intentions.

“I stumbled across Weiss when she was on her way to Vale.  She told me that she was trying to end the war and asked for my help.  I didn’t believe her, but I agreed to go with her.  We met with Ruby and Yang, and she let me state my case for the fighting to end.”

“That was smart of her,” Winter replied with a small, proud smile.  “Utilizing the Badlands as a voice of reason to make it clear it’s not only Atlas who wants to stop fighting.”

For as uncomfortable and inexperienced as Weiss seemed, it had been an excellent plan.  Whether or not she consciously thought about it in the way Winter did, she had successfully strengthened her appeal to the caring leaders of Vale.  Without that intuition, there was no knowing what might have happened.

“I owe her a lot,” Blake admitted before ducking her head to avoid Winter’s curious gaze.  “If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have any say in restoring the Badlands.  I never would’ve met Ruby or Yang.”

“You and Queen Xiao Long seem to have a good relationship.  That will be helpful when working together.”

“Yes, she’s...easy to work with.”

Winter’s thoughtful-yet-knowing expression made Blake’s cheeks warm.  Winter had only seen Blake and Yang together for a few minutes.  What had she deduced from such a short interaction?  Had they given something away in the way they looked at each other?  Spoke to each other?

“She’s more welcoming than my father led me to believe,” Winter admitted before shaking her head.  “That shouldn’t surprise me.  He loved nothing more than disparaging others.”

“We’ve all heard the rumors though,” Blake pointed out before smiling.  “At least they’re not true.”

“Agreed.”

After Winter nodded, the two of them fell into thoughtful silence.  Blake imagined that Winter had heard similar rumors about Yang - a temperamental, unconscionably greedy, self-centered, egotistical floozy.  Those assumptions could only have been born from jealousy or annoyance, and carelessly spread by those who’d never met the affable queen.

Sensing an opportunity to politely excuse herself, as Winter looked more than content to sit quietly and nibble at the arrangement of food, Blake stood and motioned to the door.

“I should probably get going now...will you be ok here by yourself?”

“Oh, yes.”  Winter picked up a book from the corner of the table and showed Blake the cover before setting it back down.  “It’s been years since I’ve had uninterrupted reading time.  I intend to make full use of it.”

“I’m a little jealous,” Blake admitted before walking to the door and listening for anyone passing by.  Once she sensed that the coast was clear, she offered a smile to the Atlesian princess.  “I’ll come back later,” she said and, once Winter nodded, slipped into the hall.

After closing the door behind her, she waited for the lock to slide into place before returning to the front of the palace.  At least Winter was doing well, and her injuries were less severe than they originally appeared.  Fatigue was probably the biggest culprit of her appearance, but after a full night’s rest that had dwindled away.

Winter would be fine, and she was safe as long as she stayed out of sight.  Fortunately, she seemed to understand that, as an Atlesian princess, Vale’s palace was the last place she should be caught unannounced.  She would be careful - Blake was certain of it.

Unfortunately, without Winter serving as a distraction, Blake’s thoughts returned to Yang.  Walking through hallways that felt familiar and comfortable, she dwelled on everything she remembered from last night - how Yang felt, how she smelled, how she tasted…like an incredible dream, only much more vivid and sensual.

Where did they go from here?  Could they even be together?  Yang was royalty while Blake was...decidedly not.  Was there some rule prohibiting them from any sort of relationship?  Were they allowed to sleep together but not officially be together?  Did Yang even want to be together or were the rumors of her womanizing true?  Was Blake just one more name added to a list of conquests?

Shaking her head at the endless questions, Blake walked into the plaza and noted the current goings on.  As usual, people from all walks of life waited for one thing or another, be that a meeting with an advisor, a chance to speak with Yang, or -

“Miss Belladonna?”

She jumped when someone tapped her arm but calmed down when she recognized the young man’s messenger outfit.

“Yes?”

“I have a message from your friend, Sun.  He says…‘I’m still alive.’”

After several seconds of silence, Blake motioned with one hand and asked, “Is that all?”

“Uh…”  The messenger pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and turned it over.  “Oh, and ‘Our friends are visiting the settlements, but I think we’re fine.  Did I win that bet yet?’”

Blake let out a relieved laugh at Sun’s typical style of making a joke to lighten the situation, grateful to hear he was alive and well.  It was also good news that the Atlesians didn’t know where Winter went.  They would never suspect Vale.  Even if they did, they were soldiers not assassins - Blake seriously doubted they could sneak into the city unannounced, and announcing their presence was a death wish.

“Thank you,” she told the messenger.  “Please tell him that our new friend and I are fine, and I’m not answering his question.”

Though he had no idea what the message meant, he nodded and hurried out of the palace.  His exit left her standing in the plaza by herself, but only a few seconds passed before her arms tingled with a familiar swell of heat.  A small firestorm approached, and she didn’t need to turn around to know that it belonged to Yang.

Panic bubbled up in her chest, but nowhere near as strong as that morning.  It wasn’t alone this time either, as an assortment of other, more excited emotions came with it.  Her heart didn’t tense - it fluttered.  For as confused as she was, Yang’s presence filled her with unmistakable desire and longing to be closer.

As soon as she turned around, she spotted Yang walking over to her.  Gone was the customary smile and sparkling eyes, however.  A blank, unemotional mask had taken their place.

“Hey,” she greeted Blake with a slight nod and brief smile.  “How’re you?”

Blake internally recoiled from the detached demeanor, but she tried not to let it bother her.

“Good, I guess.  How are you?”

“I’m...fine.  I was just wondering if...you want to work on some stuff with me today?  For the Badlands?”

Surprisingly, the Badlands were the last thing on Blake’s mind, and the last thing she wanted to discuss.  She knew why Yang was acting weird, but she wanted to know why Yang was acting weird.  She wouldn’t learn anything by avoiding Yang forever though, not that she would be capable of doing that even if she tried.

“Sure,” she agreed before motioning for Yang to lead the way.  For a split second, Yang looked like she might reach for Blake’s hand.  She caught herself at the last second and headed back into the palace instead.

For the first time since they’d met, the silence was uncomfortable.  Blake snuck several glances Yang’s way, wondering what was going through her head, but didn’t say anything.  Even as they entered the office, she watched Yang silently walk over to her chair. When Yang remained standing, Blake did, too.

“I, uh, hope you had a good morning?”

The question itself seemed normal, but the way Yang studied the desk rather than make eye contact sent a wave of concern through Blake’s chest.

“It was ok…” she hedged, knowing better than to say she had a great or horrible morning without Yang’s presence.  “Our...new friend...is doing well.  Planning on spending the day reading.”

“That sounds nice.  Just read all day and forget everything else going on.”

Yang didn’t look up from the desk, so Blake moved closer.  She couldn’t stand the distance between them, which felt like a chasm rather than a mere few feet.

“I doubt she’ll be forgetting anything,” she replied while joining Yang on the far side of the desk.  “She’s worried about her sister.”

“She’s not the only one…” Yang mumbled.  After tracing her finger along the edge of the desk, she finally met Blake’s gaze.  “But I’m happy to hear she’s doing well.  I’ll try to check on her later.”

Yang’s tone rubbed Blake the wrong way.  It was...distant, as if she didn’t care much about Winter’s wellbeing.  But Blake knew that couldn’t be further from the truth - Yang cared about people so deeply that it was nearly a flaw. Was this Yang’s way of saying that last night meant nothing?  Or that, now that it was over, she had no interest in Blake anymore?  If that was the case, she should say something.  Because this...whatever this was...hurt a little too much.

Blake wanted to close the gap between them.  At the same time, she couldn’t bear the sting of rejection.  So, even though she edged closer, she stopped before getting too close.

“Yang…is everything ok?”

When hurt and confusion flashed through Yang’s eyes, Blake understood that this was all an act.  A facade to hide something else.  But what?

“I’m alright,” Yang replied with a fake smile.  “Only my wrists are burning this morning, which I’ll count as a win.”

Yang held up her arms before dropping them to her sides.  After waiting for more of a response but getting nothing, Blake attempted a small smile.

“Ok,” she mumbled before running a hand through her hair and dropping it with a sigh.  “I’m glad you’re feeling better.  I guess that means...we can get back to work?”

“Sure.  If you want to.”

She didn’t know what she wanted, but she nodded and said, “Sure.”  The instant she turned around, however, Yang grabbed her hand and said, “Wait.”

The single word and action sent Blake’s heart stampeding through her chest while she slowly turned around, trying to maintain an impassive expression.  Her brow furrowed, however, when she noticed the conflict playing across Yang’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Yang said, her eyes begging for forgiveness.  “I don’t know what I’m doing.  I just - after you ran out this morning, I thought...can you just tell me what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?  Nothing’s wrong.”

Blake hated the lie as soon as it slipped out.  She only felt worse when Yang saw right through it.

“Are you sure?  Because it felt like...like something was wrong…”

Yang’s eyes pleaded for a favorable response, but Blake struggled for words.  She’d walled off her heart so that she wouldn’t get hurt.  There was so much to worry about without putting her heart at risk, which was exactly what she would do if she continued down this path.

Before she said anything though, Yang’s expression fell.

“It’s ok.  We don’t have to talk about it.”

Blake shook her head, but Yang had already dropped her gaze to her hands. The last thing Blake wanted to do was hurt Yang, but she didn’t know how to explain her turbulent emotions.

“No - Yang - I just...l don’t know what to say.  I don’t know what it means -”

“It can mean whatever you want it to mean.”  When Blake’s brow furrowed, Yang took a half step closer.  “If you don’t want it to mean anything, then it won’t.  If you want it to mean something...”

Yang didn’t even finish the sentence.  Instead, she let it dangle there before frowning and shaking her head.  Now, Blake only felt more confused.  What she wanted?  She wanted to know how Yang really felt.  She didn’t want to wonder what last night meant to either of them.  She wanted to know if Yang wanted to be with her, and why, and if that was even an option.

“I just wasn’t expecting that to happen,” she admitted.

“Does that mean you didn’t want to?”

“That’s not it.”

She didn’t know why Yang would even suggest that.  She was the one who initiated the first kiss.  She was the one who removed Yang’s clothes and -

She was the one who led them down that path.  How could Yang possibly suggest it wasn’t what she wanted?

“I...obviously wanted to,” she added softly, but the honesty had the opposite effect of what she expected.  Instead of being happy or relieved, Yang looked even more dejected.

“Then...was it just a one night thing for you?”

“No - I don’t know.”  Running her hands through her hair, Blake tried to come up with a cohesive way to explain her emotions.  “I just...I don’t know what to think right now.  It all happened so fast.  First, Winter.  Then rushing here and seeing you and - I don’t even know where to begin.”

That was probably the worst way to describe how she felt, but Yang didn’t press for a better explanation.  Instead, she backed away with a small, sad smile.

“Ok,” she said, her voice hardly above a whisper.  “It’s ok.  We can...we can forget it happened.”

Blake froze at the soft words, her heart pounding harder now.

“It’s probably for the best,” Yang hurried on.  “We have a lot to do.  A lot of people to help.  We’ll just...we’ll fix as much as we can in the time I have left, then you can go back to The Badlands and I’ll...I’ll stay here.”

Blake couldn’t even fathom how to respond to that, but her heart protested the idea of forgetting it ever happened.  It happened.  She couldn’t forget it.

“Yang…”

“It’s ok.”  Again, Yang smiled even though her eyes revealed her hurt.  “You deserve better than me anyway.”

Blake shook her head at the lie and reached out when she saw the tears in Yang’s eyes.  But Yang turned away, and stepped away, before clearing her throat.

“I’m, uh, going to get some air,” she whispered to the floor before hurrying out of the room, leaving Blake frozen behind her.

Stunned, Blake struggled with her emotions for what felt like a long, long time.  She didn’t want to forget it.  If she did, then she should be happy that Yang just gave her the perfect way out.

What she’d been trying to say was...she was overwhelmed by the emotions and feelings from last night.  She was overwhelmed by how much she liked Yang.  And she didn’t know what to do with all of those feelings.  She didn’t know if she could let herself be vulnerable in that way.  She didn’t even know if Yang wanted her in that way.

If Yang wanted to be with her, then…she wanted to be with Yang, too.  It would be messy and complicated, but...if she hadn’t wanted this, she never would have given in.

But now...what?  Yang was determined to turn it into nothing?  To pretend that nothing happened while they worked beside each other day after day?  To bury her feelings so she didn’t make Blake uncomfortable?

Why wouldn’t Yang just say what she wanted?  Why did she shut the door on any possible future before Blake could even figure out what to say?

Feeling a spark of annoyance in her chest, she clenched her fists and left the office in search of Yang. Yang could turn her down.  Yang could say that they couldn’t be together.  But Yang didn’t get to speak for her.