What Defines Us - Commentary - Ch. 23-24 (Patreon)

Chapter 24 marked the halfway point of this story, so this commentary is our halfway point as well!  Can you believe we’ve made it halfway through the story already?  Does it feel like it only just started?  Or does it only feel that way to me?

I hope that - now that half of the chapters are posted - you can look at the path we’ve taken so far in the story and see some progress.  Sure, we might still be missing some details and information, but you have a good feeling for what’s going on, right?  My intent was never to make this a mystery novel - my intent was to show a story of redemption, love, perseverance, and learning what it means to forgive - others as well as ourselves.  

After two flashbacks in a row, Chapter 23 finally drops us back in the present day, where Weiss is freaking out (to put it mildly) over what happened to Ruby.  

We had two flashbacks in a row because I wanted this moment to be from Weiss’ POV.  For her, taking Ruby back to the hospital is one of the worst things she could imagine.  Not only is she worried about Ruby’s health, but they end up at the same hospital Ruby was taken to the first time.

(Do you remember the name of the hospital?  It was mentioned in Chapter 7.)

(Funnily enough, I don’t remember the name of the hospital...so if you go find it, please tell me!  I’m too lazy to go look it up…oh!  Maybe we should play a WDU trivia game sometime.)

Anyway, Weiss is already freaking out over what’s happening, then Yang shows up.  It’s the perfect storm of emotions - Yang’s anger finally boiling over while Weiss is backed into the corner in panic.  Thank god Blake was there, right?  How horrible might that situation have gone without her there to mediate?

I actually like this chapter a lot.  I really like the argument, even though it was incredibly difficult to write.  I don’t want them to yell at each other.  I don’t want them to hurt each other.  But after watching Yang simmer in silence for the previous 23 chapters, it was so nice to let her blow up - finally.  Honestly, I think it was long overdue.  It just took Ruby getting ‘hurt’ again to set her off.

Some of the things she said were kind of cruel, but hopefully the previous two chapters gave you more than enough understanding as to where her anger comes from.  Abandonment, betrayal, hurt - all these emotions have built up in her for a long time, and she finally got to let off a bit of that steam.

Just like Blake told Weiss at the beginning of the story - Yang needed to yell and be angry.  While it was hard to write those words, it was weirdly relieving in a way.  I was the one who held Yang back for so long.  I made her be understanding and suffer through Weiss’ reappearance in silence.  It was nice to let her have the floor and throw some verbal punches (no real punches though - that’s a bit too far!).

The second best thing about this argument (at least, in my mind) is that it isn’t one-sided.  Backed into a corner, confronted by Yang’s anger, Weiss actually finds the will to fight back.  It’s rather short-lived in the grand scheme of things, but it was there.  For just a few minutes, she found her backbone and refused to let Yang steamroll her.

This is huge, right??  Think back to Weiss from Chapter 1 or 3 - would that version of Weiss stand up for herself?  Would she dare argue on her own behalf, especially against Yang?

I don’t think so.  At the beginning of the story, Weiss was willing to accept whatever was hurled her way.  She was willing to die as atonement from her guilt.  I firmly believe she would have just let Yang yell at her and not say a single word in her own defense.

But let’s get into the details of what was actually said.  Yang says the following to Weiss: 

“You weren’t here when she was in so much pain she couldn’t sleep.  Or when the meds the doctors gave her for the pain made her nauseous.  Or when she cried because she didn’t know who she was.”  

In Chapter 10 (Ruby’s first flashback chapter), we saw how much Ruby dreaded the pain medicine - because half the time it made her feel sick.  We also saw the nightmares that woke her up at night, and the pain that kept her from falling back asleep.  Yang remembers those nights, when Blake woke her up to say that Ruby was awake and in pain.  Yang remembers comforting her sister in the middle of the night, watching Ruby hold onto that ring for dear life.  It’s not surprising that those are some of the moments Yang throws back at Weiss - a not-so-subtle “You should have been here.”

One thing that might’ve gotten lost in this chapter are the comments about Crescent Rose, and what they could mean.  Weiss is mad at Yang for ‘giving Crescent Rose back.’  Blake has the following response: 

“You weren’t here when she had nothing, Weiss.  You weren’t here when she was lonely and...lost.  You didn’t see how Crescent Rose changed her life - how training to become a huntress gave her purpose.”

Weiss never expected Ruby to be a huntress again - a reasonable assumption, giving the extent of Ruby’s injuries combined with losing her memories from Beacon.  And from Blake’s comments, we could infer that she and Yang never expected Ruby to be a huntress again either - that this hadn’t been the original plan. 

Think about the words in the order Blake said them.  Ruby had nothing - no memories, nothing to look forward to except pain and recovery every day.  She was lonely, lost - purposeless.  Her only purpose was to get better - to live - but what kind of motivation is that for someone like Ruby?  Healing is a slow process when there’s no sense of purpose behind it, or when there’s nothing to look forward to at the end.  

Do you think that Yang actually wanted Ruby to be a huntress again?  Or do you think that after watching Ruby struggle through recovery and lose some of the light that made her so special, Yang grew desperate?  

Wouldn't Yang - who only wants her sister to be happy - decide that anything was better than watching Ruby wander aimlessly?  Even if it meant putting her at risk?  Even if it meant something like this could happen again?

Safe, but purposeless.  At risk, but driven.  What a decision to make.

“You didn’t see how Crescent Rose changed her life - how training to become a huntress gave her purpose.”

In a way, I guess we’re lucky Weiss wasn’t there.  I imagine she would’ve put up a fight to keep Crescent Rose out of Ruby’s hands.  What a different story that would be...

But things happen for a reason - just like Coco and Velvet’s life-saving entrance in Chapter 1.  

Be honest - when you read the first chapter, did you have any suspicions that they were there for Weiss?  Or did you believe what they said about happening to be out in the forest on their own hunt?  (Which they then abandoned in order to escort Weiss safely home…)

When I wrote the first chapter, Coco and Velvet weren’t connected to the story in any way.  What they said was actually true.  They just happened to be out on their own hunt, heard the hordes of Grimm racing one direction, and figured someone needed help.  Pretty convenient, right?

It wasn’t until I got to Chapter 23 that I realized Coco and Velvet could be connected to the story in a way I never expected - and that Weiss never expected.  It makes more sense, too.  Rather than two huntsmen being in the same section of a huge forest by chance, it’s two huntsmen who were sent out on a very specific mission to retrieve Weiss.

Because I wrote the entire story before posting anything, I was able to add in this piece - for which I’m so grateful!  It was a great bomb to drop on Weiss in the midst of an argument, and shows us how much Winter was catching on to what Weiss was doing and how destructive her behaviors had become.  

Seeing Winter’s POV from Weiss’ time in Atlas would also be interesting.  She tried to help as best she could, but nothing seemed to work.  Instead, she watched her little sister descend into depression.  From the texts Weiss received in Chapter 1, we knew that Winter went to Weiss’ house and found it empty.  She threatened to send out an army if she didn’t hear from Weiss soon, but she didn’t mention that she already contacted Coco and Velvet.

The way I imagine it, the instant Winter realized Weiss was missing, she contacted whatever huntsmen were closest and sent them out into the forest in search of Weiss.  And good thing she did.  She saved Weiss’ life.  (In the first commentary, I made a comment about Weiss having a guardian angel - now you know who that is. :P)

The second bomb in this chapter was delivered by Blake, who finally says what you might have been thinking all along - how does Yang not see the parallels between what Weiss did and what Blake did?  Their partners were hurt, and they ran.  Granted, they had different motivations, but the end results were the same - their partners were forced to recover without them.

Yang doesn’t see it, but Blake does - painfully so.  We’ve seen how Yang has treated Weiss, and we can only imagine what she’s said behind closed doors.  Can you imagine how that would feel for someone in Blake’s position?

Personally, I would wonder if that’s how they felt about me - if that’s what they had said about me.  If Yang couldn’t forgive Weiss, how could she ever forgive Blake?

I always wish that there was a Bumblebee side of this story.  I think it would be fascinating to read through their POVs, too.  Unfortunately...that’s a heck of a lot of work.  But I do wish for it, especially when we get to this moment.  I want to explore what’s going through Blake’s mind, and how Yang feels when she hears Blake say those words - “how can you be so angry at her and not me?”

Shocked, I imagine.  Taken aback.  Worried.  Sad.

Blake is the last person Yang wants to hurt.  And to hear that that’s exactly what’s been happening all this time?  That by being unrelentingly angry at Weiss, she was hurting the one she loves the most?  That would be a devastating realization.

The argument ends there - unresolved, but at least it was finally started.  Yang and Blake clearly have some talking to do, but the story can get back to worrying about Ruby.

As it turns out, all the worry about Ruby was for nothing - she’s perfectly fine!  Well, not perfectly fine, but she’s going to be alright!  She still has her memories, even.  (Boy, how mad would you be if I wiped her memories a second time?)

Whew.  There was so much going on in that argument that the end of the chapter feels more like a breather than anything else.  As soon as they’re in Ruby’s room, you can feel the heightened tension ebb away.  They don’t want to make Ruby worried though - not when she was just rushed to the hospital.

Although, it’s funny because Ruby’s the one in the hospital bed, yet she’s the one comforting Weiss.  The script is flipped with these two.  It’s just like the therapist tried to make Weiss understand - escaping a fight uninjured doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt.  It doesn’t mean that you’re ‘fine.’  This might be the perfect example of that concept.  Ruby is the one with physical scars, sitting in a hospital bed, but Weiss is the one who needs healing.

But the hardest part is getting someone without any outward injuries to admit that they might need help.  Hopefully Weiss will get there though - I have faith!

Unfortunately, after everything that happened, Weiss lost the nerve to tell Ruby the truth about their past.  But we’re only halfway through the story - did you really think Weiss would tell her now??

Seems too soon to me.  Especially with the Yang issue still looming.  But we end the chapter on a hopeful note, with Weiss wishing for everything to be ok.  We’ll see whether or not that wish is granted...much later on.

Moving on though - if the end of Chapter 23 was a breather, Chapter 24 is a full sigh of relief.  (And me asking forgiveness for the previous chapters I put you through!)

We made it back to Ruby’s POV - and she’s still a bubbly bundle of energy.  She doesn’t seem affected in the least by her trip to the hospital, except she hates being slowed down.  If you couldn’t tell, I had a lot of fun whining about how long it takes to walk around the house.  I should start running around my own house.  I’d probably save a couple minutes per day!  Might be worth it...

Anyway, we can see that Blake and Yang had a good heart-to-heart, as Ruby notices that they’re being extra affectionate with each other recently.  I’m sad that we missed their talk, but at least we see the outcome.  They seem to be on the same page now, and we’ll see what that means for how Yang treats Weiss.  (Yang did stop and thank Weiss for the tickets instead of just walking past - making the effort to say something is a positive sign, right?)  

If anyone can change Yang’s mind or way of thinking, it will be Blake.

*One small thing to point out - Ruby asks if Yang’s hand was permanently attached to Blake (as a joke), but in Chapter 11 Blake made a comment about how she and Yang weren’t surgically attached at the hip...yet.  Blake doesn’t just create shadows - she’s also great at foreshadows.  

Come on - that was a good one!  I laughed at it, at least...

Seeing as how the previous few chapters were so heavy, this chapter’s purpose was to bring Ruby’s levity back into the story, as well as give Weiss and Ruby some alone time together.  Originally, I didn’t know how to get Yang and Blake out of the house - then I realized that I’d already set it up for myself!

In the first outline of the story, Weiss asked Ruby what might be best to bribe Yang with, and Ruby suggests Achievemen tickets.  That was pretty much the end of that thought.  It’s only purpose was to bring up that Yang still loved the Achievemen.  

Later in the story, I realized how perfect the concert would be if Yang and Blake actually went to it and left Ruby alone to spend time with Weiss.  This meant that Ruby’s suggestion needed to become a reality, and Weiss actually needed to hand over tickets at some point.  Thankfully, I already had the perfect place to insert that segment - in Weiss’ conversation with Blake at the shopping mall.

This is just another example of a throwaway comment becoming surprisingly useful.  It’s also another reason why I like to write the entire story before posting anything - that way I can go back through and add threads or tie-ins where I couldn’t have otherwise.  As much as I’d love to write chapter-by-chapter and think of everything in advance, that’s just not possible for me.  Having the opportunity to go back through and add/remove parts allows me to tie everything together a bit better, which I really like.

Besides the general happy tone in this chapter, we also get a peek into how Ruby’s focus has changed from training, training, training to thinking about Weiss quite often.  She’s not one-track minded anymore.  She’s two-track minded - although, that second track seems to be taking priority in her life at this point.

When I first outlined this chapter and managed to create some alone time for the two of them, I imagined they would watch a movie.  Maybe they could cuddle on the sofa - that would be super cute, right?

Watching a movie is great and all, but also pretty...normal.  I’m sure Ruby would have loved watching a movie if that’s what they’d done, but her first choice would be something more...unique.

And wouldn’t this be a great opportunity to get Weiss to open up and have a bit of fun?  I’m pretty sure she hasn’t had more than a shred of fun this entire story so far - she’s too busy second-guessing herself and worrying about how to behave that she can’t relax.

Enter Ruby.

From previous chapters, Ruby’s caught on that there’s another side of Weiss.  We know what this other side of Weiss is though - it’s the real Weiss, the one who disappeared with Ruby’s memories.  Weiss built up walls in an attempt to keep herself from falling apart, but we’re already seeing how easily Ruby gets through to that old version of Weiss.

And we see how much Ruby wants that version of Weiss to come out and stay.

What’s better than watching a movie?  Tickle wars, almost kisses, and catching grapes off of glyphs! 

I don’t know how I thought of the whole grapes/glyphs thing.  I was trying to think of something fun to do that was very Ruby-esque (basically, innocently crazy and lots of fun).  Trying to catch grapes fired off of glyphs sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

Something important to mention - I don’t like green grapes, but I do like red grapes!  I don’t know why I had them use green grapes then...maybe because I can’t imagine wasting precious red grapes, but I’m perfectly fine using green grapes as projectiles rather than food?  Who knows...I’ll admit that was a weird choice to make!

The end of this chapter was really meant to show how much Ruby enjoys spending time with Weiss, and the type of person Weiss is capable of being (and the type of person she was before all of this happened).  She can be playful and have fun, but she’s so wound up in the past that it hasn’t shown in this story so far.

Again - enter Ruby - who’s pretty determined to wiggle her way through Weiss’ walls.

We’re getting into the second half of the story, and I’m really excited for you to see what happens next.  Only 24 more weeks and I’ll be marking this story as complete.  Can you believe it?  I can’t believe it.  This story has been such a big part of my life for so long, it’s hard to imagine it ending.

I won’t let go yet, though!  We still have a lot to get through, including [REDACTED].  And then there’s [REDACTED].  Oh, and of course, [REDACTED].

So yeah, there’s a lot left in the story!

Until next time,

Miko