After AnimeCon: Down and Dirty pt 1 (Patreon)

    “Hah, go ahead and use the shovel,” Brian said, rising up from the graveside and brushing off the seat of his pants. “I’m not afraid of getting my hands dirty.”

    “It’s your funeral!” Rebecca chuckled. The shovel she had used to help excavate the big pit was planted standing up on the other side of the pile, and Rebecca pulled it out and then scooped up a hefty portion of earth.

    “Actually… on that note,” Brian crossed around to stand beside her and took a handful of dirt from the top. “Is it okay if I, uh. Say a few words?”

    “Of course!” Rebecca said. “Please.”

    “Thanks,” Brian said.

    He took a deep breath, holding out the fistful of dirt over the grave and unsure of what to say for a long moment. This was Chloe’s grave, and she had went down into it and never climbed back out. She had for all intents and purposes died down there, but Brian would be lying if he offered any words of pity or claimed that she would be missed.

    “Chloe,” Brian began. “I’m sorry that it came to this. I’m going to try to bury any ill will I may have held towards you here with you today. I promise to take care of Christine—to treat her with love and respect. To never abuse any trust she places in me. Goodbye Chloe, and I hope you can rest in peace.”

    When he opened his hand, the dirt trickled down out of his grip and into the empty grave, and he stared after it for a long moment. It felt a little stupid, but then it was also serene in a rather surreal way.

    A long time ago, after breaking up with his very first girlfriend, Alyssa, he’d had a late night with the boys—Michael, Will, and Mark—just talking about why things hadn’t worked out. Venting and decompressing to some sympathetic ears, while he and the guys were slouching shoulder to shoulder against the rear wall of the Seneca Marino’s, where cooks and delivery drivers took their smoke breaks or just hung out. Michael had insisted he ‘pour one out for what could have been,’ and Brian had chuckled and tipped his soft drink cup forward to spill some out across the back pavement there.

    This felt a bit like that—a little bit silly and irreverent, but then also it was cathartic simply making a symbolic gesture and saying some words, because he did mean them. Brian decided that meaning it was what helped give actual closure to the ritual, rather than any certain words or motions he went through.

    “That was nice!” Rebecca seemed to genuinely approve. “I wish everyone could have seen it.”

    “Well, probably better this way,” Brian shook his head. “Don’t imagine Emily would’ve had anything nice to say.”

    “Touché,” Rebecca laughed, chucking her shovel full of dirt in. “Although—hey, you never know? Maybe she would surprise us. I think she’s starting to feel better about things?”

    Uncomfortable letting her do all of the work, Brian dropped down to his knees and began to push the pile with both hands. For several long minutes he gathered and shoved loose soil and root cut-offs down into the hole in a cascade while Rebecca worked beside him scooping and tossing. The grave was deep and the pile was bigger than it looked—but most surprising of all was the amount of stubby sawed-off root sections he discovered while moving earth.

    “Damn, Rebecca,” Brian remarked, picking up an oblong piece of root about as thick as his arm and tossing it down into the pit. “Still can’t believe you managed hacking down through all this in the first place.”

    “I had a whole month!” Rebecca laughed. “It wasn’t a big deal. It gave me something to do.”

    “Chainsaw?” Brian asked.

    “Hah—I wish!” Rebecca said between casting shovelfuls down into the grave. “I don’t have my own, and I didn’t want to have to ask to borrow my grandpa’s for who knows how long. All of this was with the hatchet for the upper ones where I could still brace myself for proper cuts, and then when I got deeper and didn’t have leverage, I switched to my hacksaw. Had a whole pack of replacement blades for that, so, no big deal. Did have to stop and sharpen my hatchet a few times. But! Yeah, gave me something to do.”

    “Well, I’m impressed.”

    “Good! It was a super impressive grave,” Rebecca said. “My second one going this deep. I think back when I was, oh… thirteen? Fourteen, or so? Our cat Blacky died. I was inconsolable—I took a shovel out to the garden, and I went six feet down. My grandpa I think wanted to stop me, but grandma knew—I was on a mission. Blacky deserved a proper grave. She was great. More than anything, I think it helped. Grief is just so maddening and difficult to deal with. Having something to do with your grief, some outlet or way of processing? It really helps.”

    “Yeah,” Brian said. “I’m… I’m really glad we didn’t wind up having to put an actual person down in this grave. Like, a body.”

    “Oh my God, yeah!” Rebecca emphatically agreed. “I mean, I would have, if I had to. But yes, super glad it didn’t come to that. That would have been bad. That would have been not good.”

    “Yeah,” Brian chuckled.

    At this point, he was having difficulty keeping pace with Rebecca. About half of the pile was pushed in, but now with the remaining mound was more spread out it was harder for him to simply shove portions in using just his hands. Examining them for a moment, he found them filthy—some of the dirt still had moisture in it, so it was more than enough to cake beneath his fingernails and look like he had been playing in the mud.

    That’s okay, too, Brian decided. Symbolic, right?

    “I can get the rest,” Rebecca offered. “I’ve got the shovel.”

    “No, I was just thinking,” Brian said, returning to scoop up double-handfuls and toss them into the excavation. “This is all real symbolic.”

    “Oh?” Rebecca quirked a smile at him. “Let me guess—burying your past?”

    “Well, that too,” Brian nodded. “But, I was thinking—this is all earth. I don’t usually spend my time down in the earth, really reconnecting. You know? In the dreamscape, this is me. I am made of earth. I have this vivid image of looking down at my hands, and kind of watching them crumble away. Then, this here, this pile, it isn’t just earth—it’s also full of all these root pieces you cut away. Parts of the trees—in the dreamscape, these were you.”

    “Huh,” Rebecca said, pausing to look across the pile. “You’re definitely right. So—what does all of it symbolize, do you think?”

    “That, I don’t know,” Brian laughed. “That I may be burying my past, but that I’m not doing it alone? That this is something we’re doing together? Something meaningful?”

    With a big grin, Rebecca looked back and forth and finally decided to toss aside the shovel. Unafraid of dirtying her tunic, she joined him in a crouch atop the pile and used her hands to start moving things.

    “Well, I didn’t mean you have to—”

    “No! No, this is good, I like this,” Rebecca assured him. “When you put it all like that, I really like this. You’re burying your past, while I’m, um—well, I’m deciding to put my roots back into this situation. To get involved again. And, we’re doing it together!”

    Actual progress in filling in the grave slowed to a crawl, but Brian had to admit they were having fun—there was something primitive and childish crawling around here in the woods throwing clumps of dirt along with Rebecca. They threw handful after handful in, and occasionally stooped down together to push a bunch all the way over until it just fell into the mouth of the pit. The work was cooperative rather than competitive and they were making a big mess, but they were also sharing smiles and subtle glances because they were both simply having a blast.

    “Whoop!” Rebecca almost grabbed at his hand as she was reaching for more. “Sorry!”

    He wanted to roll his eyes at her sheepish apology—it wasn’t as though this whole side was his dirt, or that they’d drawn a line dividing whose dirt was whose. For several seconds he rocked back on his heels and took a long look at the tunic-clad girl crouched here beside him. Then, he leaned in and took her hand just as she was grasping another fistful of soil.

    Rebecca froze, and when she turned to look up at him, her expression seemed to be a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

    “...Stop that!” Rebecca suddenly said. “My hands are dirty.”

    Brian almost withdrew his hold on reflex, but he was able to stop himself from acting at the last moment when he caught Rebecca’s eyes. Rather than bothered or annoyed or even a little bit put-off… she was sending him a curious, slightly expectant look, and that look prompted his next words almost even before he realized what he was saying.

    “My hands are dirty too, what are you afraid of?”

    “Afraid?” Rebecca retorted—but she couldn’t contain her smile, and she was already rising up closer to him.

    “You’re trembling,” Brian said.

    “...I’m not trembling!” Rebecca denied with glee, giving her hips a little back-and-forth wiggle.

    “I think you like me because I’m a scoundrel,” Brian was able to quote the line without even bothering to think. “There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.”

    “I happen to like nice men,” Rebecca confided, now drawing so close that their noses were almost touching again.”

    “I’m a nice man,” Brian said.

    “No you’re not, you’re—”

    Cutting off her words with a kiss felt incredible—and he could almost hear her give out a little trill of enthusiasm as his lips suckled against hers. Within an instant of him robbing her of the last of her strawberry flavored chapstick, Rebecca moaned and opened her mouth to make the kiss even more intimate. Again there was no obvious magic bridging their inner selves together, but this moment seemed to be in defiance of all of that, because even without magic it was still an amazing connection they were sharing. 

    Romantic movie quotes? And, she’s not just into them, she’s INTO them? Where has she been all my life? If I had—

    Sudden and dirty hands were on his biceps, but rather than trying to break the kiss and push him away it immediately became apparent that Rebecca was trying to push him down onto the pile. He gave ground to her for a brief bit out of sheer surprise—and then instead his hands were on her shoulders, and he was wrestling her back in the other direction. They tumbled together across what was left of their messy pile and then dropped a foot and a half or so into what remained of the grave, and the movement was just enough to break their lip lock and let Rebecca give out a gasp.

    She stared up at him, speechless, gave him one of her most brilliant smiles, and then she was clawing at the back of his neck—yanking him back down on top of her so that they could resume making out. Rebecca made noises of appreciation, her legs were kicking as they tussled but he had no idea if she was trying to get free from him or simply roll them so she could pin him down, and with a slick wet sound their tongues met before they withdrew again in surprise to look at each other in bewilderment.

    “Brian?” Rebecca panted. “I, yeah, I apologize in advance? This um, this might get a little rough?!”

    “You took the words right out of my mouth—” Brian said.

    Before he could even continue, she did just that—their lips met again in a passionate crash. Rebecca was strong, her long limbs were full of power as they contested against his for who knows what. But, Brian was stronger, and as he took her arms and forcibly pressed them into the dirt Rebecca seemed to shiver in delight at realizing it. One of her knees was jammed up in against his chest, and for a moment he held it trapped their between their bodies. They both paused, and then as if in mutual agreement he allowed it free—and then her legs splayed wide and they wrapped tight around his waist.

( Previous: Grave Matters | After AnimeCon | Next: The Feelings Police )

/// This is a brutal cliff to leave you guys on, but I really do need to jump back over to finish up some RE:TT bits for the next couple days. Sorry!

Actually having a bit of a rough time IRL at the moment. One of my fillings over on the left side of my mouth exploded while I was having breakfast the other day, and now I can feel a jagged bit of broken tooth there where the filling is missing. Not fun! Not currently in pain but it's still unpleasant and I don't want to leave it like that.

Turns out my old dentist from back in 2020 retired at some point and his office is closed down, so I need to find another one within walking distance somehow, and soon. No luck so far, but while I was out that way I did stop by an optometrist(sp?) and make an appointment for an eye exam. So, will at least finally be getting new glasses sometime July-ish. The pair I've been using is from 2008 or so, and my eyesight has absolutely further deteriorated since then.