I, Draugr chapter 13 (Patreon)

"Hircine… asked you for a favor?"

"Yup."

"...The black cat in our living room back then was Hircine?"

"Yup."

"The Daedric Prince Hircine?"

"Exactly that one."

"And he asked you for a favor?"

"You have asked me that question seven times now."

"Sorry… I just can't wrap my head around this."

"And said those exact words five times now."

Poor Aurelia, she looks close to fainting right now. Perhaps I shouldn't have dropped this bomb while we were on horse back, but again, I'd rather do it out in the open with no one to eavesdrop on us than when we reach Falkreath.

Luck seems to be slightly on our side, as there have been no sightings of Dragons this past week. Neither in the distance nor close to the other Holds, as the Jarl made sure to keep us updated every morning.

This made the travel quite easy, especially now that word of the Dragons has spread, making even Bandits retreat back to their large camps and free up the roads.

Still, I do not like how quiet it is. It's like the quiet before the storm, as if the Dragons are waiting for something, or preparing something.

I do not know them that well. I'd like to think that as prideful beings, they'd try to just drive headfirst into all their problems, to believe that might makes right and that is the only way forward.

I doubt they are the cunning sort, resorting to plans and stuff like that. But what if they are listening to others? What if they seek the advice of their Dragon Priests?

Some of them must have surely woken up, whether by chance or by the action of some Dragons, and decided that this time they needed to play smart.

After all, they already lost once, and Alduin got yeeted the fuck away with an Elder Scroll.

Now the guy is wasting time bringing back his fallen 'comrades' one by one. Only reason we aren't being swarmed right now is probably because the majority of them have been taken apart by others and used as stuff to sell to the rich.

And all the Dragons like Mirmulnir that survived the war and are still around, and that still want to join in on the war like the guy whose back I blew out, will probably soon travel here.

All we gotta do is hope that they have a shred of honor and not attack the Dragonborn when they outclass her by more than a fucking mile in sheer power.

Yolosqah was tremendously powerful, but Aurelia played smart and lucked out a victory that helped increase her strength by a great deal.

Perhaps we should really visit the dumb Graybeards, just so we can increase the number of Shouts in her arsenal.

And if they send us to grab that horn thing or whatever, I'll just tell them to fuck off. Hopefully they can do the same thing as in the game and quickly teach Aurelia the Shouts through marking their understanding on the ground.

If she can get her hands on a three word Shout then that'll be a powerful weapon in her hands.

"So, what did he ask?" Aurelia's question brings me out of my thoughts, "It clearly seems to be important, since we are rushing to Falkreath."

I hum softly before sharing Hircine's request, "A group of five Argonians capable of turning into Werecrocodiles have made it a sport to hunt down young children affected with Lycantrophy." My words make Aurelia's eyes blow wide open, "So he asked me to kindly go and unalive them, and he shall reward me! Ain't that grand?!"

"Can I have just five minutes alone with them?" Aurelia asks, a warm smile on her face that hides the horrors and pain she will inflict upon their mortal bodies of flesh and blood and brittle bones, "Just five. Promise."

"I find that brutal side of you very attractive." And there she goes, going back to all bashful and blushing.

Waifu material.

"Shut it." Heh, cute.

I shrug, then hum in thought as something just comes back to mind. Wonder what Delphine is doing right now.

Her way to get us to work for her won't work because we haven't gone to the Graybeards, and I am sure by now she knows how the Dragonborn looks like.

And I am also sure that by now she knows we rushed by Riverwood on horseback not too long ago, so I am curious on what the fuck the bitch is plotting.

Mostly because I want to beat the shit outta her when she approaches us all high and mighty and whatnot.

Like hell I'm going to let the servant threat my sweet Dragonborn like a soldier for her to command.

"Hey, Leo." I perk up and tilt my head towards Aurelia riding beside me on her own horse, my eyes taking in her breathtaking smiling face as she gazes at me, "Thanks for sticking with me."

If I could, I'd blink at her sudden and honest words. "Why such words all of a sudden?" It's surprising, but also lovely to hear.

She shrugs lightly, a content smile on her face, "I'd rather not take this unusual friendship for granted. It's silly, and starts like the beginning of a stale joke… But I'm really happy that I have met you."

Yeah, getting a body back is my fucking priority right now. I'm gonna wife up this wonderful woman.

And speaking of wonderful, I'm never going to get tired of seeing her without her armor on, so I am a bit glad that it broke during the fight against Yolosqah.

She is wearing simple clothes now, a fluffy gray sweater for the cold weather and form fitting black leather pants and boots that really make her ass stand out.

And goddamn what an ass…

Her long and usually free hair are now tied up in a high ponytail, making her beauty appear more refined. She really is irresistible sometimes.

"And I myself used all my luck to have you not smash my skull in." She giggles at that, and I'll always hold our funny first interaction close.

"I have unleashed an idiot upon Skyrim by sparing you, but oh well." She shrugs with a grin, "Where would the fun be in that?"

"Skyrim?" I give her a look, then snort, "My fair lady, you are mistaken."

"The whole of fuckin' Tamriel ain't safe, that I assure you."

"Of course…" Aurelia sighs, but the huge smile on her face does not fall one bit.

"In fact, I'm going to bomb the Thalmors first chance I get." Then throw hands with Molag Bal, 'cause he a whole ass bitch.

"May I join?"

"Joining the dark side, eh?" I chuckle, "Fine, let us spread the insanity of Lord Sheoggorath together!"

"Wait, I take that back-"

"Too late!" I let out a peal of hysterical laughter to prove my point. The horses look so done with me, somehow.

I'm annoying the fuck outta animals too. I'm one of a kind, I swear.

"Hm?" Aurelia suddenly perks up, gaze narrowing towards the distance, but mainly towards the sky, "There's smoke." I turn in the direction she is staring and notice a large plume of smoke rising high in the sky.

"It's not a campfire." I note, as the pillar of smoke is far too big to be from a small campfire. "Perhaps it's a bigger camp. Bandits?" I propose.

Aurelia hums, "Could be. But there is a Civil War going on, so it can also be a war camp." True, those were in the games too. I usually slaughtered everyone in the camps just for fun.

"Awefully close to Falkreath, huh?" I don't like this. Are they planning something? Is Falkreath under Imperial rule?

"I did hear that the Jarl of Falkreath supports the Imperials, unlike his father who supports the Stormcloaks." Aurelia points out, "The Stormcloaks could be taking advantage of that in-fighting to take full control of the Hold."

Which might lead to useless civilian deaths, something that deep down I cannot tolerate.

This whole fucking thing is stupid. I do not side with either group, but Ulfric is a goddamn retard.

Instead of just bearing with this shit for a while and working with the Empire to rebuild forces and drive back the Thalmors, he instead decides to double down and seek both power and reasons to stand at the top of Skyrim.

It's stupid. It's useless. Just an empty fucking title with no damn crown for him to wear.

"I'll gladly say that I am very, very happy that you are here with me." I sigh out after a few moments of quiet silence beside the neighing of our horses and the clopping of their hooves on the beaten road below.

Aurelia perks up at her words, a smile on her face, flush on her cheeks, but a hint of worry in her bright eyes, "What's wrong?"

I hum and consider remaining quiet, but I trust her a lot, so I open up. "If you weren't here, I'd have considered just doing away with my morals and slaughtered their camp directly. Souls free for the taking." Her eyes widen in shock and horror at my words, "At first, I'm sure I'd have fooled myself thinking that by killing them, I'd stop them from taking the lives of innocents."

"Be it Imperial conscripts or just civilians, not that there is much of a difference between the two nowadays." I sigh and shake my head, feeling a sort of revulsion towards the person I could have become if I didn't have an anchor in the form of Aurelia. "So yeah, thanks for being around."

She falls quiet at that, and it doesn't take long after for us to finally spot the large walls of Falkreath, standing right in the middle of a forest filled with enormous trees.

I wonder if they found Faendal back in Riverwood yet… I hogtied that motherfucker way up in a tree as tall as these.

Standing at the front of the gates going into the city are two tall and burly guards, wearing the usual guard armor and helmet, bows and quivers on their back with sword and shield on their right arms.

They don't move to stop us from entering, so I slow my horse down until we come to a stop before the gates, "Good afternoon, gentlemans!" I greet the two guards with a jovial, friendly tone, "Might I ask if you lot have seen a group of five Argonians walk by? Ol' pals of mine, ya see."

Yep, they gonna be very acquainted with me and my fists. And a huge anal bead called Arcane Cannon.

Sadly, the guard on my right scoffs roughly, "Just get on in and get your shit done quietly and quickly. We don't like strangers 'round these parts." A snort akin to that of a pig rings out from the helmet clad head of the large man, "Make a ruckus, and I'll beat the shit out both of ya, understan'?"

Ah, I see how it see. "Me bones be shiverin', my friend." I state with the same jovial tone, "Gotcha though. Y'all a bunch of ol' whiny hairy cunts." Hopefully, not everyone in Falkreath is like this fool.

"Leo!" Aurelia chastises me, though she too is clearly displeased at the guard's words.

I scoff and let my horse walk past the gate as the guard remained quiet at my words, "Was boutta launch myself off my horse and clobber that fucker right in the nuts."

Don't throw Suicide Flame Wolves at these fools. Just don't. Not yet, at least.

We soon find a stall to let our horses catch a rest and fill their bellies, at a quite exaggerated price at that too. I'm already hating this fucking place.

"Shall we split up to find these guys?" I propose to Aurelia as she throws a frown back towards the stalls, clearly upset at the exaggerated price the fucker handling it asked from us.

She remains quiet as she considers it, the large dark gold Dwarven Greatsword strapped to her back looking quite menacing and imposing.

It is enchanted so that it becomes heavier the more Magicka is pumped inside of it, making it quite the good weapon for Aurelia, who prefers heavy weapons but won't have some due to her new insane strength.

With it hanging on her back, I doubt some fools will trouble her, so I am fine with splitting up for a while. Especially since the sun is currently setting.

"Let's meet up here when it gets dark?" She suggests, and I nod in agreement. Might be good to find an inn too, which could also be a good place for those fuckers to be at.

Either that, or a bar of sort.

They must've gotten here this morning, so they should still be staking out a possible victim and looking for their 'prey', or 'preys'. Can't waste too much time in finding them.

Sad that these fuckin' people don't want to fucking cooperate and make my life easier.

"Have you seen a group of five Argonians?" I get ignored.

"Could I ask something real quick?" I get a slur thrown my way.

"You gonna have proper manners and answer a question real quick instead of being a bitch like the rest of the townsfolk?" I nearly started a fight, but the old man backed off when he saw my staff.

So, yeah. Ain't easy when no one wants to help a stranger.

"I really want to set something on fire, I swear to fucking God… Preferably the whole goddamn Hold."

"Yeah, that shit would look fuckin' glorious, am tellin' ya!" I nod in agreement, then come to a pause.

Who the fuck said that?

I turn my head, then look down, and my gaze lands on a short child with rust colored hair and green eyes, a grin on her chubby cheeks. She looks no older than ten or so, but her whole being just radiates mischief and desire for trouble.

My sort of kind.

"Should you be out alone this late, brat?"

"Shouldn't you mind yo' fuckin' business, dude?" I like her.

"Shouldn't you watch your language?"

"Nah, my granny calls it lovely. My big sis would be the lovin' shit outta me though…" At that, she visibly shudders in pure terror.

"Well, shoo along, lass. I won't say anything." She scoffs at my shooing motions, her small fists landing on her sides.

"I know them fuckers you lookin' for." And I stop trying to send her away, "Yeah, that caught yer attention, huh?" She sniffs haughtily, and I resist the urge to pat her head.

"You mean the five Argonians?" She nods, and I hum, "And why are you so willing to cooperate with me?" Her smug face does not change at my question, but I notice the way her gaze flicks around to check on people possibly hearing us talking.

"They just creep me out, alright?" She finally says, looking hesitant and even slightly afraid.

I hum and lean back, "Ah, I get why you are afraid." She is a werewolf child, I presume. Did those fuckers do something to set her off on what they plan to do?

Or is it just a sort of animal instinct she has due to having Lycanthropy?

Her eyes widen at my words, but she relaxes lightly when she notices that I don't do anything. "I've actually been sent by a Higher Up to deal with these bastards, so…" And once more, her eyes blow wide open and her mouth opens to gape at me in pure shock as she instantly realizes who the Higher Up is.

Then, she looks down at the ground in shock, "I'm gonna gut a deer for him." Well, I think he'll appreciate your spirit, I guess?

"Still, you sure you wanna trust a stranger with this?" I do not mind as long as I get to find and body those fuckers and be done with this, but it's kind of weird how eager she is to just trust someone she doesn't know to do this stuff.

The kid shrugs, "Better have a stranger do it than put my big sis into danger." She drawls out, "She's a mage, but these sons of bitches give me the chills." Ah, I see, so it's mostly preservation towards her and her family.

Wise, I guess.

"Fine with me, brat."

"It's Gretel, you fuck."

"Did I ask? And nice to meet you, I'm Leonidas."

"Who gives a shit?" Yep, this kid is a riot.

I snort, then shake my head, "So, where can I find these punching bags?" And at that, she perks up with a massive grin.

"Close!" She starts, then starts walking down the road, "Some of 'em are at the Dead Man's Drink, come on!" Eager to see them get beat up, huh?

I should let Aurelia know, but it'll be a while before the sun sets fully, and I'd rather not risk these fuckers leaving and put Gretel at risk.

"Still, word of warnin'.." Gretel starts, turning her head to give me a serious look, "That wimp of a Jarl hired these folks, so…" Well, that is a problem- Nah, it ain't.

I'm bodying them, Jarl or no fucking Jarl. We can always just run away once our job is done, so…

We turn a corner, and my gaze swiftly lands on a large and wide building. It looks like one of those bars in cowboy movies, with a slow stream of people going in and out.

And a few passed out folk right at the front of the building, clearly very, very drunk.

"Alright, you wait here." I state as I pat the girl's head, then come to a pause. "Actually, wanna help with the battle plan?"

She tilts her head up at me, looking very curious, "How can I help? I'm a damn kid."

I snort and shrug, "Just pick one of the two; Shall I go in 'Young Master' style, or 'Crackhead' style?" Her gaze lights up in pure fucking glee at the last one.

"Ooh! Crackhead Style!" She exclaims, bouncing on her feet with a massive grin on her chubby face, "That sounds fun! Crack their heads!" Oh, you sweet summer child…

I pat her head against and straighten myself, "Then just stand back and watch." And with those parting words, I make my way to the entrance to the Dead Man's Drink.

The inside is large and bustling with people, a ruckus of noise and clattering of utensils filling the air.

My gaze sweeps around the interior, and soon I find the only Argonians inside the tavern. Unfortunately, it's just two of them.

Is it them? Let's test them.

If it's them, I'm going to downright traumatize them. They will never forget me, even in death.

So, with a pep to my step, I make my way towards their table, then I stumble into it, nearly spilling their drinks, "Oops, 'scuse me fellas!" I slur my voice as I grab hold of the table, acting like I am very, very tipsy and barely standing on my feet.

The Argonian on the left – the one whose drink nearly spilled completely – let out a hiss my way, "Watch your step, drunkard!" He states harshly, looking ready to pounce and attack, free arm reaching for the dual blades behind his waist.

His muscular arm is stopped by the slimmer one of his partner, who had his drink in hand when I stumbled into their table on purpose, "It was alright. Maybe lay off the mead, yeah?" He suggests in a friendly tone. Even his eyes look amicable.

But even with the reptilian head and eyes, I can see how fake it all is.

"Heh, should've seen the other guy!" I slur, then release a loud hiccup as I fall on a chair on their table, "Drank him under the table, then drank some more! Better pay up when he wakes up!" Another hiccup, and my arms come down on the table, once more nearly spilling their drinks.

"Some of that shit I drank was weird, makin' me feel a bit… crazy." I shake my head, then bounce my shoulder and body for another fake hiccup as the two Argonians already look done with me.

The aggressive one is hissing and baring his teeth, looking downright murderous, while the 'amicable' one has long since retrieved his hold on his friend. "Perhaps you should head on back, friend." He states, a clear warning to his tone.

I laugh and slap the table roughly several times, "Oh, y'all sons of bitches a riot…" My laugh slowly peters off into a series of chuckles, "Say, ya cunts wouldn't happen to be in a group of five, would ya?"

Their eyes narrow, and they share a glance.

And if I could, I'd bare my fuckin' teeth too.

Yeah, it's y'all alright.

"Yeah, that perc be hittin' right about now…" I chuckle deeply, their eyes filling with confusion.

"Is this fucker high?" The aggressive one asks, and I throw my head back and laugh loudly at that.

Then laugh, and laugh, and laugh- Until I suddenly slam my foot against the table and ram it against them, sending both tall Argonians to the floor with their food and drinks.

I keep laughing, having tossed myself on my back when I kicked the table, then 'stumble' on my feet while clapping my hands and bouncing on my feet, acting like a cocked up honey badger high on caffeine.

The loud ruckus brings the tavern to a quiet as the Argonians bounce to their feet, weapons draws and faces looking very murderous, teeth bared and tails flicking left and right.

"This bastard is high on some drugs and going crazy!" The aggressive Argonian hisses out as he raises his dark and short dual blades.

The other one instead draws a long and curved blade from his waist, "He called it a 'perc'… Is that what the locals call Skooma?!"

"Oh am fuckin' tweakin' alright!?" I laugh hysterically, "Am fuckin' losin' my miiiii-nd!"

I spread my arms wide and conjure Frost all around my arms as the two Argonians panic, realizing that I am a Mage with a staff strapped to my back.

"How much Skooma did this moron take?!"

"It can't have been just Skooma! Did he-"

"THAT SHIT WAS LAAAAACEEEED!"

And with that final roar of pure madness, I throw myself at the Argonians, ready to give them the full Crackhead experience.

A.N. I shall save the Young Master act for the future, if I remember.

For now, enjoy Crackhead Leonidas, because the Argonians won't.

Hope y'all enjoyed!

Toodles!