Robots in Disguise, Love Not Advised - Part 2 (Patreon)

Client Names: Wayward (Human, Tea Aficionado, Former Goth) and Hot Rod (Autobot, Emotionally Elusive Partner)

Date: Who cares?

Session Number: Honestly, Who’s Counting Anymore?

Psychologist: Dr. Helen Burnout, PhD, Seriously Considering a Sabbatical

CONFIDENTIAL PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION

Chief Complaint:

In what can only be described as a soap opera scripted by a caffeine-addled screenwriter during a sci-fi marathon, our last session's lovebirds are back, and it seems the pot has not only stirred but also boiled over and set the kitchen on fire. After Hot Rod ditched their anniversary dinner for a "Decepticon incursion" (which is apparently Autobot for "I have better places to be"), Wayward, not to be outdone in rash decisions, went on a date with Ultra Magnus, the sentient equivalent of watching paint dry.

Background Information:

Ms. Wayward has previously demonstrated a fascination with colossal mechanical beings, which continues to baffle and astound. Mr. Hot Rod, known for his flair for dramatic exits, managed to escalate what was a manageable couple’s quarrel into a full-blown intergalactic incident. Meanwhile, Ultra Magnus, who’s been nursing a not-so-secret crush on Wayward, found himself in over his head, and now under the care of Ratchet after a skirmish with Hot Rod.

Optimus Prime, the self-appointed cheerleader of chaos, did nothing to quell the situation, instead fuelling the fire by encouraging Hot Rod’s aggressive response with chants reminiscent of a high school brawl.

Session Observations:

• Avoidance and Escalation: Hot Rod's tendency to "roll out" at the drop of a hat is a glaring issue of avoidance. This behaviour not only leaves emotional debris in his wake but also sends a clear message of priorities, where Wayward feels second to any blip on his radar labelled 'Decepticon.'

• Rebound and Retaliation: Wayward's decision to date Ultra Magnus was less about genuine interest and more an act of defiance, showcasing her distress through what I can only describe as ‘romantic weaponisation.’

• Leadership Failure: Optimus Prime’s role in this melodrama morphed from odd to downright problematic. His encouragement of Autobot-on-Autobot violence over personal disputes suggests a leadership style more suited to reality TV than interstellar peacekeeping.

Sexual Dynamics:

Despite the chaos, the bedroom remains the one battlefield seemingly devoid of conflict. How their physical relationship continues to thrive amid emotional turmoil is a question that would perplex even the most seasoned of therapists. Their compatibility in this one arena remains a bewildering oasis in the desert of their interpersonal dysfunctions.

Recommendations:

Given the escalating nature of their relationship drama, which now includes other parties and potential harm, it is recommended that:

• Hot Rod undertakes a course in conflict resolution that does not end with his fists (or equivalent Autobot appendages).

• Wayward considers individual therapy to explore her magnetism towards giant robots and perhaps develop healthier ways to express dissatisfaction beyond instigating a love triangle.

• Optimus Prime might benefit from a refresher course in leadership and ethics, preferably one that includes a module on ‘How Not to Incite Violence Amongst Your Subordinates.’

Closing Notes:

This therapy session serves as a stark reminder that even in relationships involving advanced alien technology, the most basic human needs for connection and respect remain central. The journey ahead remains fraught with challenges, and whether this couple can navigate their way to a healthier relationship dynamic without further collateral damage remains to be seen.

As always, I remain on the brink of recommending they all just switch to email communication,

Dr. Helen Burnout, PhD

“Contemplating if my degree covered enough about intergalactic relationship dynamics...”