"Having a Threesome With a Couple of No Shows"... (Patreon)

I was reading about the different euphemisms (other names) for masturbating recently - some I'd never heard of, some I've used in recordings and some just made me laugh out loud. 

So I'm curious to know your thoughts on this subject.

What do you call it?  /   What do you think is a hilarious alternative?  /  What would you like to hear me call it in a future audio?  /  What drives you crazy to hear other people call it? etc... 

Here are some that I found particularly entertaining: 

For Men:

- Jacking the Beanstalk 

- Hand to Gland Combat

- Making the Bald Man Cry 

- Playing the Hairy Banjo 

- Unclogging the Fog Machine

- Wake and Shake 

- Date With Hangela 

- Adjusting the Mantenna 

For Women: 

(I've never heard of any of these before!) 

- Paddling the Pink Canoe

- Auditioning the Finger Puppets 

- Scrambling My Eggs

- Feather Dusting the Oval Office

- Playing the Clitar 

- Petting the Hairy  Clam

As for what I call it? 

I usually don't have a wild name for masturbating. It is what it is. But I imagine at some point I've used: "taking some alone time", "enjoying myself", "relieving some stress", "spending quality time with BOB" (Battery Operated Boyfriend).