"YES INDEEDLY!" (Patreon)

I squeaked manfully upon beholding her.  "I surely am he whom you seek, and may I add that your loveliness is only exceeded by your beauty!  Is that the supply basket you've got there?  I'll relieve you of that burden!  Pray, sit upon the soft grass and I'll share this provender with you, my dear."

"It's kind of you to offer," she said with a pleasant smile, "but I was told that basket is for you, and you don't get them very often.  Miss Oak said she's worried you must be wasting away if all you get to eat is what they send you."

"I assure you, I'm doing fine," I insisted.  "For one so fair, anything I have -"

I stopped myself before making an extravagant and irrevocable offer.  Why did I always go head-over-heels for every comely lowfolk femme who showed up here?  I should be the one manipulating them with Wiles, not the other way around!

".. is negotiable," I finished lamely.  "Pardon me if I go ahead and eat.  I'm famished.  You're still welcome to partake if you wish."

"I appreciate that," she said with an adorable giggle.  "But you go ahead.  My name is Vernier, by the way."

"Well, Vernier," I said, between bites of a delicious ham sandwich.  "What brings you out here?  What can Lord Randall do for you?"

"Oh, is it Randall?  I thought everyone was saying Ramble."

"They were.  It was too much trouble to correct them."

"Ah.  Well, as I said, I am here because my hairdresser sent me.  She said you were looking for skunk maidens, and that you could do my hair better than anyone around.  If you'll style my hair, I'll gladly repay you in whatever way I can."

"What skills do you bring to the table?" I asked.

"I am an experienced administrative assistant," Vernier stated.  "I served as a secretary to Duke Rolf Tornmier for several years.  I can file papers, do research, manage appointments, write letters and reports.  I also do light housekeeping and if I may be so bold as to boast, I am an excellent baker.  That bread you're eating is some of mine."

"It's very good," I said, spraying crumbs.

"And if none of this is suitable or useful to you," she continued, with a tilt of her head, "then I would be willing to consider anything else you might request of me."

At that precise moment, a couple of rabbits crashed through the bushes, exclaiming loudly "THERE THEY BE!  Devilish skunk-witches in the very throes of debauchery!  If we'd come a second later they'd have been fornicating shamelessly, the sinners!"

"WHO LET THEM THROUGH??" I demanded as I whipped my bow out of Elfintory.

"That's some impressive shooting," Vernier said quietly.  "Are they dead?"

"They might be," I shrugged as I picked up the remains of my sandwich.  "The forest will take care of them now either way."

"Is it true what they said?" she asked, eyeing me strangely.

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