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ValKon continues (Ballad) (Patreon)
Content
......
Percy boldly crept into the file room and began bravely rifling through the drawers. He marvelled nobly on how easy it was to dupe these elves and enter the most secure areas of their Embassy. Truly, an enterprising bird could make his fortune in such a gullible land as this.
Percy stalwartly located the file labeled "SALV Relda Fauxfox" and was starting to close the drawer when his heroic eye lit upon a tab labeled "Percy le Gobelet." He grasped the file with his mighty thews and fearlessly opened it.
"DELISHOUS LOFOLK SQUAB" the cover page declared.
......
While the con staff were setting up the table for the pie-eating contest, Avogadro returned. In one hand he held a shiny new Pie-Fight Valkyrie costume, and with the other hand he pulled a wagon full of assorted junk.
"Here is a replacement outfit for your friend, my lady," the Sergeant mooned. "Though I would be ecstatic if you would wear it yourself. I've also brought you a wagonload of gifts, as a thank-you for being so beautiful. Please look at them and enjoy them."
I was saved from having to sift through a mound of worthless bric-a-brac by a voice shouting, "Places, people! Places for the pie eating contest!"
......
The Ixies gathered after buzzing around the Hall of Ancestors for several minutes.
"No Tailipo here," one Ixie snarled grumpily.
"Have we looked everywhere?" another asked.
"Most everywhere. Forsooth, this place is like a maze."
"If she were here we would have seen her," the third Ixie declared. "That cursed Manx-cat hath led us astray. I say we fry him!"
"I have no objection."
"Nor I."
......
We took our seats behind a long table on the Convention stage.
"Fan-made pies have been randomly distributed before you," the Vulpsmarsal explained. "When I, Sweetcheeks, ring the bell, you shall commence eating. Whoever finishes the most pies the fastest will earn the full score for this event."
"Well, I'm out," Izzy sighed. "I'm pretty sure this isn't even food. After I went and got myself gussied up to satisfy the judges, too."
"Zis vill be ein challenge," the chubby vixen muttered as she examined her pie.
I surveyed my pie with dismay, noting that it seemed to be nothing more than a pie plate full of horseradishes. "How am I supposed to eat all of that?" I grumbled. "It's huge!"
"Ha ha, suckers," Fifi chortled. "Looks like I lucked out this time. Let the pie-feast begin."
Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks rang the bell.
......
"Fuma's mercy!" Detective Webb exclaimed. "I knew she could eat, but I was not prepared for such a spectacle. How can she put away so much, so fast, of material that few would even consider edible?"
"Oh she's known to have a high tolerance for such stuff," Lemmy smirked. "It runs in the family."
"Egad!" Glenholm interjected. "Unless my eyes deceive me .. yes, I do believe she's slipping portions surreptitiously into her elfintory! Are you seeing this?"
"What? No," Lemmy said, confused. "She wouldn't cheat like that .. would she?"
"It's arguable whether food-caching wold be considered cheating, for a vulpine," the Detective mused. "Though I supposed it's also debatable whether a boot could be considered food. She's very sly - it's hard to spot her unless you look quite closely."
"Wait a minute, did you say BOOT?" Lemmy asked incredulously. "Have you been talking about her, that fat vixen, the whole time?"
"Of course. Who have you been talking about?"
......