May Update: Pausing Patreon for June, 2021 (Patreon)

It's the end of May, 2021 is almost half over, and I am finally back and ready to face the future of my content creation. I would like to apologise for the radio silence. It has been because of a mixture of fear, and guilt for not meeting your expectations, as well as not wanting to be a negative source of emotions in your inboxes.
I made a YouTube community post about this, but I was a little distracted from the response and delayed this Patreon version. I apologise for the wait.

I've been on hiatus for a number of reasons.

The first, is because of my recent move. It was a difficult move, and I am still recovering from the fallout. Picking ourselves up from our first proper home and relocating to an entirely new city miles and miles away was more daunting than first expected. A lot went wrong. Furniture and technology broke and required replacement, including my work desk. Our new home was infested with mice and spiders, and my personal relationships with my family were put under a lot of strain. My partner's new work environment is more dangerous compared to his last one, which has caused stress in our relationship and homelife.

While things I believe will get better, there is still a lot to pick up and rebuild.

Secondly, my family is going through a lot right now. Several family members are in life threatening situations due to pregnancy and heart problems, which leaves us waiting by the phone a lot of the time. I am also dealing with a large amount of guilt for not being able to do more to support them from so far away.
My sister is going to become a single mother soon, and I would like to be there for her as much as I can, even if I can't support her financially, I would like to be there for her as her sister.

Thirdly, I burnt out on creating ASMR videos in December. I was too ashamed to admit it after almost two solid years of monthly releases, and felt that I had failed you, my audience. I was frightened to admit that I needed time to stop and do something else for a while to recover, especially with everything else going on in my life at the time.

When I finally did, the response was so supportive I shed tears. You have been so understanding, and I appreciate that more than anything right now.

I had already been planning on VTubing before everything began to build up in my personal life, so I, so I turned to streaming as a hobby to keep my mind off of the every day stresses, as well as to keep myself a little busy while I was still feeling burnt out on art, script writing, voice work, editing, etc.

Streaming has been an amazing experience. It has taken away a lot of the loneliness I felt in my day to day creating audios by letting me spend time with an audience while I talk about future projects, or practice ASMR triggers and voices. 

Streaming has also given me the chance to speak with other creators who have been in a similar position to me. Talking with them made me realise how hard I was pushing myself each month, and how much guilt I was taking on for not living up to expectations, both my own and how I imagined yours. I've realised that how I was working was not healthy, and I was doing no favours for anyone.

I've looked at how I work best, and I realise I need to make some changes in order to create a good environment in which I can return to creating audio. These changes may take time, but I am making these steps now.

Firstly, I can't force myself to upload every month. The mindset of grinding out a video every month wore me down so much that I was unable to eat or sleep toward the end of last year. I cried almost daily. Videos stopped being a fun hobby, and became something I never wanted them to be.
Videos will now come as they come, and hopefully because I won't be pushing them so hard, they will be of a quality I can finally be proud of again.

Secondly, I need to set better boundaries. I have had a few supporters try and seek a closer relationship/friendship with me, and while I appreciate the sentiment, unless I initiate it I am not comfortable with being asked to be added to friends lists, to play games together, or hang out. Several have reacted from disappointment to anger at my reluctance, and it has affected my confidence in day to day interactions.

I will be clearing my friends lists of prior and current patrons to start fresh and work toward feeling comfortable again. I ask that you please do not be offended by this, and to respect my decision. 

Thirdly, I enjoy streaming a great deal, and I will be permanently incorporating it into my content creation. I will still record ASMR audios as I always have, but I will also be streaming on the side. My attention may switch between my two hobbies. 

I know some fans have zero interest in streaming/vtubing, and I understand if you are no longer interested in supporting my content going forward. Thank you for all the support you have given me thus far, and I hope you can still enjoy the videos when they are released, even if there is a longer wait time between them.

Streaming, I believe, has saved my life this year. It gave me a sense of control over my life while it was slipping away from me, and I want to enjoy this new hobby fully. 

Fourthly, I will be creating a new Discord for my content. This new Discord will have a comfier atmosphere, and stricter rules in place. It is still under construction, but this is why if you try to join the old Discord it no longer connects. The previous Discord will be archived and unaffiliated with my content. 

Finally, I will be Pausing Patreon Payments for June. I may also pause them for July, depending on how things shape up through June regarding content creation.

I know that this is a great deal of text to read, and I thank you if you did take the time to read through all of it. You have always been a wonderful community to me, and I am so, so grateful that you are so patient with me. I hope that, with these steps, we will be able to continue our journey of silly audio waifus together, slowly.

Vivi.