Mo' Photo Refs and Mo' Writings (Patreon)

Here are some photo references I took for this week's review of the Form 5. No, I do not ask Lucy Bellwood to pose for these, she just does of it of her own initiative. She's a go-getter like that.

I'm a guest speaker (writer?) for the Be a Sex Blogger workshop that's happening next month, specifically on the topic of self-promotion. I decided to answer one of the question prompts really honestly and even though it makes me feel kinda vulnerable I'm gunna share it here with you guys too. I dunno, I miss being able to share genuinely online like I used to a decade ago.

I'm gunna be out of town from September 10-24th, so I will be using that time to detox from social media and internet stuff. Lookin' forward to iiiiiiittttttt!

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When it comes to social media, how do you balance being a person and being a brand? Being relatable but also being an authority?

I really struggle with this division a lot, honestly.

See, way back when I started sharing autobio comics online and joking around with my friends, it was so easy because no one was paying attention to me. So I could just… express myself pretty honestly. I could talk about my experiences, I could make my jokes, I could share my sadness, and I knew that the people it would be seen by were the people who knew me as a real human being or at least could relate to the things I was talking about. But the larger your audience grows, the more you have to censor yourself because people don’t give you the benefit of the doubt, they’re not looking to relate to you, they’re looking for a figure to disagree with as a prompt to express their own views and opinions. Which can be very valuable for them! What better way to find your voice than to speak out against something you disagree with? But as the person receiving unending criticism for every thing you say, you’ll start to pick and choose what’s worth getting yelled at.

I just had an example happen to me that really helped me figure out how to personally figure out my Actual Human/Brand boundaries that I’ll share with you guys.

I identify as pansexual and my friend identifies as bisexual. We’re both in opposite-gender marriages, but have plenty of same-gender experiences under our belts and never stopped thinking of ourselves as queer women because we’re both still attracted to the ladies. We’ve also received a ton of shit for it from the “queer community”. That we’re faking it for attention, that we’re not allowed to call ourselves queer/pan/bi, that our existence has made it harder on the “real queers” to be taken seriously, etc., etc. It hurts, so we joke about it. We accuse each other of not really existing, of ‘doing it for attention’, and generally repeat the same things that are said to us so that we can mock them and, y’know, take some of the sting out. We used to do this on Twitter, until other queer/bi/pan people accused us of actually believing this stuff and/or propagating biphobia and/or offending them with these personal jokes that we were sending just to each other.

My friend and I, we both cope with pain and frustration and rejection by making jokes. That’s how Erika the Human handles things. But Erika the Brand? I can’t have My Brand tweeting ironic biphobic jokes to my real life friend where everyone and their mother can see it and take it out of context and accuse me of being actually biphobic and be offended at my assumed bigotry.

So I don’t make jokes like that where people can see them. Erika the Human texts them to her friends, and Erika the Brand makes all-purpose dumb jokes on Twitter. I do the same with my opinions and convictions, anything that I suspect will get people up-in-arms. I mean, to be fair, I’ll still make off-color jokes or share views that I know will get pushback, but they’re all things that I have tallied up in my head and decided if it’s worth the heat I’ll get, when differing views won’t hurt or upset me too personally.

At 32, I try to keep my postings online “benign”. Stuff that, hopefully, won’t ruffle too many feathers. All-purpose dick and fart jokes. Of course, the reason people started following my work originally is because I used to share online as if I were talking with a friend, and people liked that. It’s a difficult balance, to share enough so people are entertained, but not so much that I leave myself open to being hurt by people expressing their anger with me because we disagree about something, even if it’s by a hair of difference.

Sorry, that’s a whole lot of words to say, “I’m not really great at balancing being a person vs a brand, but one way I help figure it out is by over-thinking every thing I want to post online and asking myself if it is worth the blowback I’ll get, and if I just don’t feel worth getting yelled at for it, then I don’t post it.” When it comes to social media, I sacrifice Erika the Human for Erika the Brand because this is my job now and I need to pay my mortgage.

Haha, sorry, maybe that’s a bit depressing. I kinda need to take a vacation from social media for a while, I think. It’s like dancing on the head of a pin. I’m going on a two week trip in a couple days, maybe I should answer this after I’ve had a chance to refresh my brain.