BEHIND THE SCENES #23 - AUGUST (all of it!!) (Patreon)

yo!!! its that time of the month for another fat behind the scenes post lads!!! i am back again with my unhinged ramblings, and i have lots to say.... so watch out !!!! B)

silly introductions aside though, i didnt have to split the post up this time, cause i didn't actually get to post that many updates last month... i think it was only three in the end... here's hoping for more this month!!

on the bright side though, we finally reached the end of episode eight!! whew!!! i'm so excited to finally be moving onto something new, hehe--or, well, i suppose it's just more of the same thing really... but a new episode still feels like a big step forward to me!! this one has lasted so long, its longer than the rest of the comic combined at this point... i wonder how long this next one will end up being...? only oNE WAY TO FIND OUT....

i think this upcoming chapter is going to be a nice balance between story/plot beats and more down to earth slice of life shenanigans, so i hope you'll all join me for it, hehe!! >:3cc

as for this month, though, let's talk about the updates i did get out!!! there were some fairly important developments despite the light number of updates, so i still have a good bit of stuff to talk about!!! lets do this thing!!

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[badly-drawn-smug-pupy.png]

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PART 1:  PENNY'S INTERNAL DILEMMA
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so, the first thing that came up in this month's updates was penny once again struggling with being silly around eve--namely, feeling like she's embarrassing or stupid, and worrying that eve would dislike her if she was totally relaxed...

penny's fear of being perceived as annoying or burdensome is a problem that's gotten a lot of emphasis so far, and especially in recent updates--but only because it comes up quite a bit for her, especially when she interacts with eve!! i think this is a thought pattern that people pleasers end up with a lot... wanting to help everyone around you can easily lead to quashing your own thoughts and feelings for others if you aren't careful!! and penny is CHRONICALLY people-pleasing, both cause its a doglike trait (and she is pupy), and, more importantly, because she grew up as a real doormat for pretty much everyone in her life except chellsea... her school bullies, her parents... pretty much everyone she knew pushed her around her in some way or another!! chellsea was her only real friend for a long time!!

so, now that she's making more friends, she's really struggling to interact with them normally, despite how excited she is to make the effort--her thought patterns always default back to thinking people will hate her or hurt her in some way if she takes up any space, or acts out at all... and when she DOES forget about all that, and really relaxes, she usually ends up feeling ashamed her actions later when she's alone again...

eve really brings out her soft n happy side, though, given that she's been a symbol of comfort for penny even when she was in her worst moments--so this struggle to figure out how to interact with and view other people is foiled well by eve being the first new person she really tries it with!! this sort of relationship is something i love a lot, hehe... like, when characters have unique benefits to the people they befriend or date, just by being themselves!!

and on the other hand, penny's percieved innocence brings out eve's protective instinct, and makes her feel like she's helping keep someone safe, while also giving her lots of attention and validation, which is something she craves desperately--so, the emotional benefits of this relationship go both ways for them!!

back on penny's struggle with being herself, though... this dilemma is one of her main problems in this story, at least internally speaking--so its something i want to pay a lot of attention to in important moments like this... it's just as important as major story beats and stuff, i think!! cause, what's a story without its characters?

that being said, though, sometimes when i spend so much time on a smaller piece of characterization like this, i DO start to worry that i might be spending TOO much time on it, or that i'm putting in TOO much internal conflict... which is actually the next thing i wanted to talk about!! so, let's move on to that!!

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[an early sketch of this panel that had eve's eyes open... i think i like it better with them closed though!! it makes her look a lot happier!!! which she definitely is, cuz shes snuggling with penny, hehehe...!! >:3c]

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PART 2: MAKING THINGS HAPPEN AND WEIRD FEARS
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so, one of the biggest things i worry about when i write this story, is that i might get caught up one one plot point for too long, or that i go over the same things too much... i think it has a lot to do with how slowly i post sometimes, so it feels like things go on for way longer in real time than they do when you read it all at once... but, it's important to think about both types of readers, i think!! it's a hard balance to strike!!!

usually, i judge my writing extensively internally, and then check the comments to see if anyone thinks the same things i do... i think i'm usually a little TOO hard on myself about things in my head, judging by how many comments are just like, happy and nice and enjoy things almost completely--but sometimes i see a comment that hits a fear i'm having at the time and get really caught up on it too.... for example, i was beginning to worry with the first august update that i was retreading ground a little with penny's internal fears, as i mentioned above... and then, i saw a really long comment about that exact thing... it was really nervewracking!!

i try not to let myself get TOO caught up if it's just one or two comments, but it's much harder to not do that when it's so specific about something i had already been worried about.... like, 99 out of 100 comments can be happy with things, but i'll see ONE comment about something being bad and i'll get totally stuck on thinking my writing sucks.... that dillema of negative comments sticking in your head more is something i've heard talked about by a TON of people who post stuff online, actually. specifically, i think a lot about that one william osman video, where he talked about how hard it is to read comments on his videos cause of that exact same thing...

like, i can sit and think through it, and LOGICALLY i know there's a purpose to everything i've written--like, this dillema is penny's main psycologial struggle in this story, and seeing how eve helps her overcome it is really important to their development!! and obviously i can't be perfect with portraying it, cause nobody's perfect... but, then i see something that reinforces my fears, and i start to think, well, maybe it COULD be a problem if it drags on for too long, or if i focus on it TOO much....

and then, i end up wanting to 'fix' it, even when it's not REALLY that big of a deal, and my time would be better spent just like, making MORE of the story--but it's so hard for me to write and draw when i feel like something's wrong or inconsistent in something i posted already... and then i worry that like, what if THIS update is the one that ruins everything, and makes people stop reading? and then i feel like i HAVE to fix it, or everything will be ruined--which is SO dumb, but. dang. it eats at me!!

i think... SO much about this story..... it takes up so much of my brain space, mostly cause i just dont really talk to anyone or do anything else... so any small problem with it becomes a world-ending fear for me, because, to me this basically IS my whole world... i dunno, im not sure where im going with this whole tangent anymore, but... basically, i think, i just need to make MORE story instead of painstakingly trying to fix things when they seem a little off to me... the benefit just doesn't fit the work it takes, honestly, and it slows down stuff way too much... i feel so much better when i can post consistently and a lot, so, i really just think thats what i need to do!!! (plus, im sure you guys would prefer that too!!)

hm.... this part went on for a really long time huh NJSDFGNJH...  i always end up ranting about things i'm thinking about when i talk about this story, so, please forgive me for sort of talking my head off when i make these posts, hehe... >w>

for now though... let's just talk about something else!!! pretend this section had a reasonable conclusion!!!! whoosh!!!!! (thats the sound of us moving on)

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[ME when i see. comment. (explodes)]

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PART 3: RESULTS OF MORE PANELS (AND SOME UNUSED ONES)
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so, last month i was talking about making more panels with less text again--and i did end up doing that this month, to very positive results!! >:3cc people seemed super pleased with the additional panels--i saw lots of happy comments specifically mentioning it, versus i think one comment that didn't like the more spaced out dialogues... so, overall, i think it was a hit !!!

it's also been nice for me too tbh, cause i don't have to rely on the dialogue to do so much of the heavy lifting for characterization... for example, penny worrying super hard and talking to herself in her head is a LOT funnier and easier to write when she can make a bunch of accompanying goofy expressions at the same time!! plus, it makes it less dense to read, which is almost always good i think... as much as i enjoy big blocks of text (looks at these posts wistfully) i dont think it's really the best format for a comic for most people.... especially not when it breaks what was previously established in the format early on...

i already talked about a lot of this stuff last month before doing it, though, so, for now, i'll just share some of the panels that i never ended up using, cause i made too many and didnt have room for them all... they'll never see the light of day again otherwise, so, i might as well post them here!! it's a classic behind the scenes move!!! B)!!

enjoy !!!

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[patpatpatpatpat]

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[looks at you with my egirl eyes]

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[this penny looks kinda weird........... so i ended up redrawing her........ but you can have this one too now, thank u]

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PART 4: FINALLY, KAM!!
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OKAY!!! next thing to talk about is, kam!! we hath finally laid eyes upon his fully colored form.... and, half the readers mistook him for a girl.... DSNDFGNJDFG

I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT THAT.... I KNOW EVERYONE IS SO VERY GAY HERE....... I DONT MEAN TO DISSAPOINT THAT EVE DOESNT HAVE A HOT SISTER.... its a boy....... i am so sorry.... its the worlds worst gender reveal party...

i guess i must have failed to specify it enough....... i thought the number one bro mug would suffice, but... i think it ended up being too small a detail to catch most reader's eyes... alas.... the lesbi-vision is too strong u_u

but, it's okay !!! theres actually another character with a hot older sister in this story, that we will see at the end of episode nine!!! SO hopefully when we get there, everyone's desire for that character type will be sated !!!

i dont have terribly much to say about kam that i haven't already said, to be honest--we didn't really see much more of him than we have before, just how he looks all colored in and fancy--but we DID get to find out where eve gets her hoodies from...

for now, i'll just give you some behind the scenes pictures of kam from the reference i made for his colors (aka that i copied them from eve LMAO) and also a closeup of the picture of him and baby eve from the background of one of the closing panels!!!!

(also, random thought: i saw a comment that said they thought that kam was a jealous ex of eve's at first glance, which made me laugh, cause that's SUCH A COMMON TROPE and i literally had the EXACT same thought when i made that update cause that's ALWAYS how they reveal those sorts of things LMAO.... but no... it was just a brother !!! whew!! no romance drama here!!!! B))

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[the color ref for kam!!! he looks just as goofy as all the rest of the color refs do DNSDFNJGD.... only u guys get to see the weird ass behind the scenes art. do you like it...........]

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[and here's that little picture of kam and eve thats pinned to his desk!! i love how this came out :3c so im glad i get to show it to people closeup HEHE... they are simply just liddel babies...]

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PART 5: CONCLUSION
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whew.... another long one, finished up!!! before i go, i wanted to say first that i'm sorry i've been so slow with these patreon posts lately...i feel bad about how slow things have come lately, i just.... am not doing great... but i really do love you guys, and i so, SO want to make a good story for you!! (and lots of good pictures and posts on here too)

so, just bear with me, and i'll keep trying to get more ontop of things!! i cant really make set promises, given how that tends to go most times, but, i can at LEAST promise i'll keep trying!! da sloth never stops...

for now though, i think that's all i had to say... i love you guys!!!! see you soon, hehe!! <3 and stay epic yo!!!!!!

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[aand the uncropped/edited version of the phone pic eve took!! ok, thats it for real this time, hehe!! see you guys later!!! <3!!]

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