Patrons' Prompt: Hogs in Heaven 1 (Patreon)

“I already know that! Stupid mechanics, quit wasting my time!”

“W-w-wait! What are you looking for?!” 

“Keep still! If you wriggle around, you’ll mess up the stat window!”

“Unhand me you brutes! I g-g-gave no permission for this!!”

“Ahh! Wiz, tighten your grip! Stop wriggling, she’s gonna knock me off!” 

“THAT IS THE POINT! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!!

“Who designed this thing?! I can tell her hair color by looking!”

“Wow, is she really twenty-five? I knew you were older than me, but seven years??”

“Well, umm, your group has been together for four already.”

“Don’t remind me… I’ve been aware of every single day…”

“REMOVE YOURSELF FROM MY STOMACH AT ONCE!”

“It’s for your own good! Keep still, fatty!”

“Ungh!! F-f-fatty?! H-how dare- uwaah!”

“What?! Why does she get super high Charisma?!”

“Have you seen her chest?”

“W-w-what’s that supposed to mean???”

“GET OFF OF ME!!!”

“I always knew you’d have to have low Wisdom.”

“I DO NOT HAVE LO- GAAAAAH!”

“Ahhh! Darkness, stop it! Your stomach keeps jiggling and I can’t read the-

“There! See? Four-hundred and fifty!”

“KEEYYAAAAH!!!”

“Woah, woah! Don’t buck your hips so hard, are you trying to knock me off?!”

“YES, YOU LEACHEROUS, YOU FOWL-”

“Ohhh, dear. Four-hundred and fifty pounds? No wonder you’re having trouble with food…”

“Eh? Oh, no, that’s because of Aqua.”

“W-what’s wrong with Lady Aqua?!”

“There’s a lot wrong with that useless godd-eeeaaaaasssshhhh! Darkness!!! Quit bouncing!”

“NEVER! YOU’LL HAVE TO T-T-TIE ME DOWN IF YOU’RE GOING TO U-U-USE M-ME LIKE TH-THIS!!!”

“We’re trying to help you, you idiot!! Stop enjoying this!”

“It’s unlucky that her carry weight hasn’t gone up. She’ll be encumbered even without her armor.”

“I-I am, ooooh, I am strong enough to… to fight you… brutes…”

“She’s getting tired, the poor thing.”

“Not….”

“Well what are our options?”

“… tired!”

“Hmm… if it’s a disease, it’s not so simple. Click forward.”

“Oh, gross. Your stomach’s getting all sweaty.”

“I thought as much. If it were a curse, Lady Aqua could simply remove it. But since it’s a disease…”

“Is it contagious?”

“W-what? N-no, I shouldn’t think so.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, there’s a reason Aqua’s not…”

“She’s sitting on the couch stuffing her stupid fat face.”

“Kazuma! How can you be so rude?!”

“You’ve been in a party with me for four years.”

“… That’s fair.”

“Don’t act so surprised, Crimson Demon. If Aqua’s got it, then that means you’re next.”

“How do we know you won’t get it? Straddling her stomach like that?”

“Because I, am a…. Oh, gross. Darkness, you got me covered in your sweat!”

“I-if it is contagious, then… with her sweat… we all might… oh no…”

******************************************************************************

Two weeks had passed since Darkness had been bitten by the were-boar. A bite she could have easily avoided from the lumbering beast, but the idiot had instead been excitedly rambling about being smothered beneath its gargantuan feet.

The boar was about eight feet tall, a humanoid body that was as muscular as it was fat. It didn’t even notice the arrows striking its flab. It just leaned over, picked up Darkness in its giant mouth, and then bit down. 

Regrettably, it didn’t snap her spine. It just ruined her armor, the pain causing the masochist to have a veritable explosion inside of its mouth. Apparently, the blonde girl also tasted quite sour, as the were-boar then twisted and threw her several dozen yards, shrieking with pleasure the entire way before Megumin let loose and covered the forest with the smell of cooked pig.

Even the memory smelled delicious enough to make Kazuma’s stomach churn.

The brown-haired man folded over his round stomach, matching the whine with one from his mouth. From the cloth-topped wagon, he heard four similar howls, with two of them loud enough to make the wood quiver.

“ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT THAT STUPID BOAR AGAIN?!”

Aqua, goddess of water, debt, and dumb party tricks, popped out of the tent belly first. She wobbled unsurely on the wooden planks, nearly falling straight onto her extremely fat ass as the oxen rolled over a bump in the road.

“L-leave me alone,” Kazuma struggled. “All I’ve eaten today is one single banana.”

“Well, suffer in silence!” Aqua declared before chomping down on a two-thousand calorie oatmeal cream pie. Golden brown flecks clung to her chubby, soft cheeks. “It’s bad enough back here with all the others trying to steal my food! You’re making them all hungry!”

“I’ve stolen nothing!” he heard Megumin call.

“I-I may have stolen a few things…” Darkness said very meekly.

“Would you all shut the hell up?!” Kazuma turned around.

It took him a while to see past Aqua’s hips. The goddess had somehow managed to upgrade her outfit, an exceptionally wide blue skirt beneath a blue and white button-down top with a turquoise bow set over her small breasts. A pair of blue boots reached up past her chunky knees, and her fat thighs sagged over her blue-white thigh-high socks. Her legs looked like they were made of cream cheese, but it was more likely that they were just thoroughly packed with it. Finally, her fluffy teal hair matched her bright eyes, with her double-chinned face pulled down into an irate frown.

Behind her, impossible to block from view, was the blob of fat that Darkness had become. The blonde woman wore her hair down, not even bothering to keep a semblance of her Crusader charade up now that she easily cleared six-hundred pounds. Most of her body had been crammed into a black-body suit, fat forcing its way out through every crack. She’d squeezed a yellow dress over herself, but all the buttons up to her mega-fat breasts had been forced free. She looked heavier than she had just a few hours ago, which gathered from her flushed cheeks and drips of sweat, might not be far from the truth.

Megumin sat across from her, giving Kazuma very strange feelings concerning this whole Hog Wild or whatever it was thing. While Aqua and Darkness seemed overwhelmed by the fat-beasts, Megumin now had managed her way into a curvy hourglass. The eighteen-year-old mage had both of her hands locked over a hungry stomach, desperate not to lose the curves she’d gained by turning into an exercise ball like Darkness or into a church-bell like Aqua.

And then there was Wiz, who at first glance looked completely unaffected by the infectious disease. The brunette wore her same black and purple clothes, highlighted with the bright golden cross, and looked almost as womanly as Megumin now did. But it was a façade, all an illusion achieved through some Lich-born power, as you had to really squint to see the undead’s true form. Nearly as fat as Aqua, with most of the weight centered in her tummy, Wiz was no better than the rest of the wagon filled with heavyweight hogs.

Kazuma felt lucky. The affect hadn’t damned his figure like it had most of the girls. Well, in the case of Megumin, enhanced hers to finally look like the eighteen-year-old that she was…

He was twenty-one now. And he was still stuck in this darned fantasy world! And now he was overweight, nearly two hundred and ten pounds!

A low belly growl from the crimson-clad mage sent reverberations throughout the wagon, an infectious, hungry desire. 

“I’ve had it!” Darkness did her best to stand, as light and elegant as a cinderblock. Her sagging gut snapped several threads on her dress. Arms that looked like bags of flour flooded out of gaps in her black cloth. “How much further must we ride?! I am tired of being as big as the beasts!”

“We’ve gathered most of the ingredients…” Wiz put a bag in front of her tummy, causing the illusion to fade and her gut to flop out to it’s fullest. “Eight eyes from the pigs of Valence.” She lifted up a jar. “Four tails from the Minotaurs of the Maze.” Another jar. “Four Foul Phoenix eggs. Sixteen hairs of the Striders. Four gallons of G-G-Godd-”

“PUT THAT AWAY!!” Aqua slapped the gallons of sloshy white milk down into the bag, which seemed to carry an impossible amount of space. She reflexively held her hands over her chest, and everyone looked away.

“A-a-anyway,” Wiz coughed. “T-the potion only needs a couple more ingredients, and then we should each be cured! It’s, umm, f-four whiskers off of the Sea Oxen of Baustria.”

“What even is a Sea Oxen?” Megumin asked.

“About half the size of Darkness.”

The obese woman gasped, her face flushing with a scalded blush. “T-take that back! My weight is…” she’d begun panting, legs rolling over each other like two pregnant cows forced to fight for room. “N-none of your concern!”

“It is, actually!” Kazuma growled. “If you get any bigger, your fat ass won’t even fit through the damn door!”

“Kyaaah!” Darkness rebounded, taking one step back on a bovine leg. Even with her head tilting up, the neckless fatass still had a thick double chin. “Y-your words are like barbs!”

“Gaaaah!” Kazuma turned on Aqua, flinging a finger into her face. “This is your fault!”

“ME?!” Aqua demanded, “HOW?!”

“Because I can’t lash out at her, she’ll just enjoy it!!”

“I-I will not! Ple-please, t-tell me how disturbingly overweight I’ve become!”

“I’ve never seen a girl with an ass as fat as yours!” Kazuma got up in Aqua’s face, his fingers jabbing the blue goddess in her doughy middle. “And where do you keep hiding those snacks?! This dress doesn’t have any pockets, does it?!”

“G-get the hell off of me, you weirdo-NEET!” Aqua lifted a fat leg, catching Kazuma in the knee and making him stumble into Wiz’s pillow-soft lap. “You’re the one that got us all infected by the stupid blonde pig!”

“Uwaaaaah!” Thunder bellowed throughout the small wagon as Darkness fell back onto her titanic ass. She was panting, but Darkness was constantly panting these days from the effort of simply being so fat. It was hard to tell if she was just tired from having to move, or getting turned on.

Probably both.

Another howl came through and all five stomachs rumbled as accusing eyes all turned on the hourglass mage.

“W-what?!” Megumin demanded, folding her arms beneath her soft, squishy breasts. “Stop looking at me! I haven’t ate a thing since I woke up, I’m starving!!”

A single moment of silence passed before Aqua and Kazuma glared at each other with sparkling eyes.

“Ohhhh Meguuumiiin~” Aqua sang, withdrawing an oatmeal cream pie from behind her back. “Look what I’ve got~”

“There’s more where that came from,” Kazuma reached into Wiz’s bag, taking out a single chocolate cookie that no doubt was an extra thousand calories.

Megumin gasped, backing away from the slowly advancing treats. “N-no! Stay back, stay back! Do you know how long I’ve been trying to grow these?!?”

“They’ll get even bigger if you just have some snacks~”

“B-back!” Megumin snatched for her staff, waving it threateningly. “I swear to Eris, I’ll take us all out!”

“How dare you mention that little brat in front of me!” As sudden as fire, Aqua leapt far faster than a chunky housecat should, coming down on top of Megumin and crushing the mage’s breasts beneath her own staff. “If I weren’t trapped here, I wouldn’t have these dumb stats and couldn’t catch this disease! It’s not fair, it’s not fair!”

Megumin tried her best to lift Aqua back, to use the staff like a safety bar, but Aqua was clearly too heavy for the small, shapely mage. The pie was smashed against her mouth, spreading brown flecks and white cream over her soft, pink lips.

“N-no, Goddess!” Darkness struggled to stand, learning down towards the struggling pair. “T-take me instead! Hold me do- Ahh!” The belly-heavy Crusader swung, obviously ill-prepared for the hundreds of pounds shifting her balance. Her knees kicked herself in the gut, rolling her forward like a fatalistic tractor.

Megumin and Aqua had a single moment to wonder what happened to the sun, twisting to look as the shredding dress and mountain of meat came tumbling down on top of them. Neither had the air to scream as the wagon bounced dangerously and, with a sickening crack, the rear axle snapped.

The bowling ball that was Darkness rolled cankles over flab, her fat backside shining like the world’s fattest peach before dropping down onto the dirt and sending her rolling out the rear of the cab, swarmed by cries of heady pleasure. Aqua bounced after her, twisting and turning end over end, leaving a stream of tears while the oxen up front ground to a halt, dragging the cart an extra fifteen feet.

Kazuma had been clinging to Wiz’s fat roll, his face buried into her soft, pale breasts. She’d reacted quickly, a gauntlet of ice clinging her hand and legs to the edge of her seat, holding herself upright while he clung on the slope.

Beneath them, Megumin rested on the floor of the carriage, not affected by the angle at all. She’d been flattened almost cartoonishly, blinking twice before her body remembered how chubby she was. Gravity slowly shifted her down to the back and, even slower, pulled her up from the wood and dumped her on the ground.

“U-u-um, Kazuma?” Wiz asked. “C-can you please l-let go? You’re s-s-squeezing my- my… Kazuma?”

A tired snore emitted from the face buried between the world’s softest pillows.

A shrill scream and a blast of ice sent the adventurer through the canopy.

******************************************************************************

When he pulled himself from the nearby sand dune, Kazuma found Megumin sliding out from the tilted wagon, followed shortly by Wiz. Both rear wheels had rolled off to who knew where, though there were rounder, louder objects that needed attention first.

Aqua and Darkness were easy to find, the former because she wouldn’t stop crying and the later because she was half the size of the carriage. 

The goddess’ blue hair used to look fluffy and long. Now, her absolute width made it look like the only skinny thing she had left, whipping from side to side, shaken by tremendous jiggles as she lifted and dropped her fat-covered legs on the dirt path.

Fat, Aqua-shaped tears were flinging from either side of her head, her hands and fists pounding the ground while she whined incoherently. At first Kazuma had thought it was because she was too far away, but the closer he got the more the words sounded like she was stuffing her-

He lifted her up by the scruff of her neck. Oatmeal flecks and fluffy white cream spilled out of her mouth. She blinked at him with watery blue eyes and her belly hopped with a heavy hiccup.

“How many is that today?” he asked her.

She muttered something that was too many syllables to be anything good.

He dropped her and she faceplanted back onto the dirt before turning over onto her backside and wheezing tiredly, taking another pie from some unseen crevasse, and dropping into her maw. 

Wiz wobbled close, her illusion having now fully failed. “Lady Aqua, would you please-”

Aqua held up another pie package.

“Thank you.”

Kazuma walked, his stomach groaning painfully, to the source of all his problems.

He couldn’t see Darkness’ head past the swell of her stomach. Even flat on her ass, she still reached about four feet into the air, porky pink flesh trying to escape from every crevasse of her ruined clothes.

He tried to remember that Darkness was supposed to be this smoking hot babe, but the overweight wheezes were laden with piggy snuffles as she tried to pull herself up put the idea of smoldering pork back in his head, and his stomach again growled.

The sandy path vibrated beneath Darkness’ overbearing weight, her rolling mountain wobbling enough that the motion alone tore more of her clothing. Thread snapped free like ropes attempting to hold down a beast, cracking across her body like so many whips.

The puffy, round tips of her breasts peeked from beneath the sheer black fabric on her chest, showing just how turned on the entire ordeal was making her. It was enough for Kazuma to almost turn around and just walk away.

Instead, he came up behind her, falling to one knee and poking her in her flabby cheek. “Get up. Come on, we’re almost finished.”

“I-I am trying!” Darkness wobbled again, arms and legs bobbing like a turtle flipped upon its shell. 

“Kazuma!” he heard Megumin call. He turned to see her at the top of the sand dunes, waving with her staff and making her assets wobble in an extremely eye-catching way. “The beach is just on the other side! We’re not far from some buildings!”

“The beach is my specialty!” Aqua leapt up, suddenly in a much better mood. “If we can get those whiskers, I can get my old figure back, and we can celebrate with a huge feast!”

Wiz stood up from Aqua’s shoulder, her pale stomach stretching out from beneath her purple dress, held up by a sliver of black belt that kept her robes together. She had a second cream pie already held to her lips.

“Alright,” Kazuma declared. “First things first, we’ll get the whiskers. Then we can repair the wagon and head into the village for a nice luau!”

There were several cheers of agreement, including one wobbling wave that seemed like it was still stuck to the ground.

******************************************************************************

Kazuma stared at Darkness. “Can’t you, like, flip over?” he asked.

“I… haah… am trying… haah… to flip over!” She gasped again, with so much ruined fabric laying around her that she may as well have been nude. Strips of black cloth barely concealed her, like a mini bikini desperate to uphold her dignity. But, considering the messy pile of obesity was trapped in the sand by her own overweight ass, there wasn’t really any dignity to preserve. 

At least five minutes had gone by, and Kazuma was beginning to get more than impatient. All Darkness had to show for her effort was a layer of sweat dribbling down from the crest of her exposed stomach, her belly button crushed into a fat, horizontal lip under its own immense weight. A blob laying on the side of the road.

“You sure you don’t need any help?” Kazuma asked.

“I do not… need! Your impotent… assis…assistance! Ohhh…” her head sank back. “J-just leave me. I’ll be… right behind you…”

The whole display was exhausting to watch, from the flush on her cheeks to the wobble in her stomach. Darkness was buried by hundreds of pounds of her own fat hubris. It’d be sad, if she wasn’t so obviously enjoying herself.

“You are frikin unbelievable,” Kazuma said, more to himself than to the elephant in the sand.

“Geez, what’s taking so long?” Aqua asked, plodding up from behind.

Kazuma turned, then felt sparks burst as mind malfunctioning. Large stretches of divine, white flesh wobbled from beneath a dark blue bikini. She had flawless skin, soft like cream and hips as wide as a doorway. Her belly, somehow, actually looked good on her, the jiggling fat making her curvaceous figure only enhanced. Aqua’s bright hair looked fluffier, coming most of the way around her round back, and she had her lips locked around a bright blue popsicle.

Next to her, Wiz was trying very, very hard to return to the illusion of having a soft, yet skinny figure. It wasn’t working. Whether the failure was due to Aqua shining with an almost radiant glow, or because she was too focused on licking a blue popsicle of her own, Kazuma couldn’t tell. She too was now wearing a swimsuit, but hers was much more modest in that you could see more of her bottoms than string tied over lovely soft hips. A bit of purple fabric cut into her tummy, with a purple and gold top concealing the breasts that rested on her gut.

Kazuma was having trouble finding words, but the ones that came first were, “Where did you get that ice cream?”

“Ehhh?” Aqua asked, separating the popsicle from her lip. A blue droplet tumbled down onto her comparatively small breasts. “Where do you think? I brought it.”

“Where are you keeping all of this food?!” he asked. “Don’t you realize that you’re tempting yourself!”

“I’m not tempting myself,” she said, looking confused. The way she shifted her weight brought his eyes to the bob of her navel. “How can I be tempted when I already have food?”

“You’re gonna make yourself as big as Darkness!”

Aqua blew out her tongue, and both of them ignored Darkness’ pleasured gasp. “Relax. Megumin ran off to get the whiskers, so we’re practically already in the clear.”

“She went off alone?!” He looked back up towards the sand dunes in alarm.

“Well, yeah. It was that or wait and have ice cream with us.” To make a point, she took another long lick of her popsicle. “She’s like level seventy, she’ll be fine.”

Kazuma frowned. “I suppose you’re right. She’s gotten a lot more reliable since her Magic Pool’s expanded.”

“Yeah. Now if only she’d learn a new spell… So, what’s her problem?” Aqua asked, reaching out and poking the blobby Darkness with a chubby foot.

The blonde fell backwards, having spent the last few moments trying again to fold herself up into a sitting position, and being denied by the sheer amount of belly trying to force its way over her thighs.

“She’s too fat to stand up on her own,” Kazuma said.

“I-I am,” Dakness blushed, breathing deeply before adding, “not! My Strength is… maximum!”

“Aqua, will you help me roll the fatass over?”

“Hmmm,” the pudgy pear pondered. “But she’s in such a good position to worship me from dow- HEY!”

As she’d talked, the goddess had been waving her popsicle up and down, in motion with her bobbing belly. Kazuma had simply snatched the treat by the wooden stick, holding it high over his head.

“Give that back, fatass!” Aqua leapt up, trying to reach for it and finding a hand being pressed to her face. 

“Only if you help me move her!” he replied. Normally Aqua was easy to hold back, but there was just so much of her now, Kazuma was quickly finding himself losing ground.

“It’s mine! Give it here, give it here!” she hopped again, smacking his center with her round tummy.

“Quit it!” he tried to reach higher. “Just help me get her up an-”

“My ice cream!!” Aqua stamped on his foot with an exceptionally chunky leg, bringing Kazuma down with a howl. Aqua seemed extremely pleased for the half-second before the young man unintentionally cracked his head upon hers, rebounding off with the hollow sound of a spoiled coconut and dropping the popsicle directly onto Darkness’ face before tumbling into her mattress-sized body and down to the sands below.

A few hazy moments passed before his senses returned, his mind for some reason thinking about Darkness’ slim thief-girl friend, Chris, and Kazuma blinked up at the Eclipse of Darkness’ gut. 

From beneath, he could see how hard Darkness’ body was taking the gain. Light white marks stretched over her thighs like pulled scars, and all the weight in her tummy was pulling down over several pink lines. Stretch marks that scarred her softness, completely unlike Darkness’ harsh battle wounds. He could see the sweat coasting down her thighs, the light marks where sand clung to his body.

“I think you knocked him out,” Darkness was saying from somewhere on the far-side of her belly’s curvature.

He blinked, looking down past his black and green clothing, seeing Aqua on her knees and pouting at Darkness. “You ate my ice cream…” she accused through blubbering eyes. “Now I’m gonna starve…. And it’s all thanks to this stupid, dead… Oh, you’re alive.” Aqua seemed even more upset.

Kazuma sank back into the sand, groaning and blinking up at the clear blue sky. He considered asking Darkness to just sit on him. Then he could be reincarnated and go back to Earth. 

Things were so much simpler there.

******************************************************************************

The hot sun beat down on the pale skin of a blonde whale, but it was no cooler in the shade that she cast. In fact, it was hotter than hell beneath Darkness’ blubber. It was like she was absorbing the heat, then sending it cascading outward from each weighty cell. Aqua and Kazuma bumped into each other, slinging unnecessary insults as they dug their feet into the sand and pushed the super-heated weight with all of their might.

Darkness was doing her best just not to fall, each heavyweight step up the dune sinking her up to her cankles in sand. 

“You can do it, Lady Aqua!” Wiz cheered from behind.

“How’d… you let… her get… this fat!” Aqua complained, locking her arms beneath one of Darkness’ fat buttcheeks.

“You keep… feeding her!!!” Kazuma shot back.

They could feel the vibrations from the woman’s shameless enjoyment of their arms practically striking her, though how she could feel anything beneath so much flab was a wonder to Kazuma.

She dangerously teetered as they reached the crest, her fatty arms wavering dangerously and causing Kazuma’s reincarnated life to flash across the stretchmarks on her back, but a lifting push from Aqua elicited a startled scream and Darkness was over the top, and gravity’s massive hold snatched her by the belly. She tumbled onto her gut, rolling down the other side like an overweight boulder and heading straight for the surf.

They only saw Megumin in the wake after the waves Darkness brought washed up to her waist. She, too, had changed into a different set of clothing, a familiar one-piece swimsuit that fit in a much different way. It was the same clothing she’d worn a long time ago, crimson red with golden trim and wires that pulled her chest together, but the way Megumin was grinning down and playing with her fat chest showed a much higher enjoyment than the old outfit had ever given. Her mage’s cap and her wooden staff lay on the nearby sands.

“D-Hooogh,” Kazuma put his hands on his knees, folding over. “Did everyone pack a swimsuit?”

Aqua frowned. “Did you?”

“No.”

“Then no. Moron.” She lifted her nose in the air, taking one step forward, her pudgy leg connecting with Kazuma’s sweeping shin, and the juicy pear quickly followed the boulder down the hill, though Aqua managed to be twice as loud.

Wiz watched her go with a deep sigh. Out of the corner of his eye, she managed to look almost as good as Megumin, but the moment he turned her illusion faded into a fat double chin and an apple-shaped body that was as wide as the orchard. “You’re kind of mean sometimes…” she frowned.

He narrowed his eyes. “Would you like to join her ladyship?” he asked as Aqua’s cries were silenced by the huge smack of her body hitting the surf.

“No,” Wiz tilted her head, resting her hand on her hip. “But you’re welcome to try. Now that I know how easily Lady Aqua can revive you…”

The bright blue sky suddenly seemed quite overcast as Wiz’s hand glowed with a malicious purple, her hazel eye now glimmering like an amber jewel. Fog rose from behind her, and an icy sheen began to form beneath the soft feet of the ice witch.

“I’ll have no problem with-”

Kazuma poked her tummy. It was such a small act, quick and with a light touch, but had caught Wiz completely off guard. She’d attempted to shift her weight backwards, thereby slipping on her own ice and landing with a loud smack on her rear, screaming almost as loud as Aqua and leaving a slide ramp of ice as she rode her butt down the sandy dune to the wake below.

She flew down the tide just as Aqua was pulling herself out, their tummies smacking each other with a titanic slap and sending both women beneath the wash, eliciting a cackling laugh from the shapely mage at their side.

Megumin was the only one left standing as the bellies and love handles of three pale whales broke the surface, lifting and falling in various states of consciousness. The mage turned, hopping up and down in a very pleasing way. “Well, are you coming down, or what?!” she shouted up.

Kazuma chuckled to himself, feeling pretty good despite his current affliction. Maybe it was Megumin’s slamming body, or maybe it was just that for the first time in weeks, he felt like he’d come out on top, but the cockiest part of his brain envisioned how cool he’d look sliding down Wiz’s ice trail on his feet like some sort of surfer, and before his senses could catch up, he hopped on, lost his balance, and rode most of the way down on his face.

He flipped over and his eyesight was filled with the wet, flawless skin of the brightest blue whale. Her sickening giggle tolled like funeral bells in Kazuma’s ears and he barely had time to scream before Aqua seized him by the hips and the goddess of water pulled him deep into the depths of her absolute domain.