Writer's Blog: A New Perspective (Patreon)

Chapter 1 has a new subway POV! (Same link as before.)

In the end, this new version isn’t all that different from the original. The changes are certainly less drastic than the various drafts I wrote up from scratch, which included passages like:

Time freezes when you see their face.

No . . . time doesn’t freeze. It reverses, and you are once again a child peaking through the narrow crack between closet doors, both hands clasped over your mouth lest your breath escape, silently praying that same face doesn’t turn your way.

The memory fades. You’re still you, but older and better at keeping quiet.

And also:

Damn. Damn it to hell. Damn it to whatever lies beneath hell.

You didn't want to recognize them, but when has the universe ever taken your desires into consideration? If you were capable of believing in a higher power, you might take offense at their obvious vendetta, but instead you only feel a grim resignation settle upon your shoulders.

Ellery Wiseman will be just one more burden to bear, one more crime to carry.

Ultimately, however, I realized that there should be a little bit of a moustache-twirly evil vibe . . . but in a way that doesn’t read as quite as evil on a second playthrough. Shard (aka the antihero formerly known as Noh, but I’ve tweaked the mask description for clarity) shouldn’t come across as potentially sympathetic from the get-go, which means leaving out mentions of their backstory. Rather than completely soften their perspective, I instead tried to inject their narrative with a sense of motivation other than curiosity (as they do have a reason for spying on Button’s mind and aren’t simply a peeping Tom). Whether that plan is nefarious or not isn’t specified, leaving it up to readers to likely imagine the worst.

I also took out the overall feeling that Shard looks down on Button, which honestly made me cringe when rereading. The descriptor “broken” is still used, but phrases like “child” and “fool” have been taken out. As I’ve said before: the more I write a character, the more I get to know them. At first, I assumed that Shard had a smug sense of superiority. Surely they had to in order to justify using Button to plant the bomb? It was only several chapters deep that I realized that they’re driven not by elitist indifference but rather by a unshakeable sense of necessity. Everything they do, they genuinely believe to be the only option available in order to prevent certain (catastrophic) outcomes.

To this end, I’ve also tempered their feelings towards John and Hope into something that is more derisive than pure hatred. A lot of this comes down to simple word changes, and the current passage likely still isn't yet the final draft (which might include some of the new passages, but I’m trying to avoid getting lost in editing before making it to the final chapter). For now, my hope is that my beloved Subway Creep now comes across less like Nosferatu-esque sewer stalker and more like the fatalistic antihero that they truly are.